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Mental health

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Original poster

therapist said i make her feel worthless and empty

96 replies

happyfrown · 06/04/2017 21:49

talking about my deep set hate and lack or self worth and how i think others are judging me. she said in some words cant remember exactly but drift of it that i reverse my feelings on to other people?
she said i made HER feel empty and worthless, i asked how i made her feel that way and she mentioned in a previous session id said something like she is a therapist for mental health, so in a way is expected to help fix me? which made her feel worthless?

i was horrified id made someone i don't know feel like that and god knows how i make my close friends feel then? i was in bits and she says ''you seem more upset this week'' you think! i said yea cos you said id upset you and possibly any one i talk to.

i was close to getting up and walking out. but if i did that the 2yrs it took to get any help would be wasted, and was worried any futher help would be denied as id walked away from so called help.

i think she was trying to say my dcs must feel worthless in how i am, talk or lack of interaction with them too, im not sure.
i feel awful.

OP posts:

fusspot66 · 06/04/2017 21:52

I'm no expert but that's not right coming from a therapist.

LapinR0se · 06/04/2017 21:52

I would ask her what she meant when she said it, and what her intent was. I am sure there was a good reason but I totally understand that you're feeling low now.
Does she email?

AprilSkies44 · 06/04/2017 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BenLinusatemyhomework · 06/04/2017 21:56

Wow - she is one shit therapist. If her own self worth is so low that she cannot keep a professional distance from her patients issues then she really needs to find a new job.

You are not responsible for her feelings and your sessions should be an open space for you to say the difficult things you need to say without worrying about burdening anyone. That's why therapists are supposedly better than friends in helping with mental health issues.

I know you don't want to waste the time you've put into this therapy but honestly I think you need to loo for someone new.

gaaahhhh · 06/04/2017 21:56

Jesus...she doesn't sound very compassionate.

Has she got a boss you can speak to or is she self employed?

I seriously think she has issues.

IonaNE · 06/04/2017 21:56

That's her problem, she needs to talk it over in supervision. Mentioning it to you was unprofessional imo. The task at hand is her helping you - both of you need to get back to that and not focus on the therapist's feelings.

TyrionLannisterforKing · 06/04/2017 21:57

Find a new therapist (and tell yours to find one herself, too).

PickAChew · 06/04/2017 21:58

I hope you're not paying her for that shit.

cannabalhector · 06/04/2017 22:00

I wonder if she was talking about countertransference but maybe didn't do a good job of explaining it to you...

Elledouble · 06/04/2017 22:01

Whaaat?

She is being paid to make you feel listened to. Not to make you worry about other people which (if you are anything like me) you probably do too much already.

You do need a rapport with a therapist or counsellor and that - unfortunately - is hard to find. So unless it works for you it isn't going to help.

Piehunter · 06/04/2017 22:03

Is she a counsellor registered with the BACP? you should report if so.. Not therapeutic! So sorry you had to hear that.

Original poster

happyfrown · 06/04/2017 22:05

the session is a bit of a blurr now. i don't know if its meant to be 'tough love'' talk but its not helping.

when mentioning the easter holidays, she asked what ive been doing. i mentioned earlier in the week i felt overwhelmed with the need to clean, keep ontop of things and generally not good. her reply was 'so you haven't interacted with the kids?' .... no because ive just explained in had tunnel vision on NEEDING to clean and organise. next line was 'so you have this time to spend with dcs and your not' (or somewhat) this is week 5 ive mentioned i struggle to bond with people including my kids. so sitting and playing board games for 2 weeks isn't there in my mind.

i shouldn't be wasting her time. im clearly in my own messed up world.

OP posts:

BiscuitMillionaire · 06/04/2017 22:07

That should be the most important difference between talking to a friend about your problems and talking to a therapist: with a therapist you should not have to consider the effect of what you are saying on them. I would ask her to explain herself again, and if she did really mean that you'd made her feel bad, then dump her and find a new therapist, ideally from a recommendation.

0hCrepe · 06/04/2017 22:09

Surely it must be more about projection of your feelings, that she said you perceive her as feeling worthless. You did say you couldn't quite remember what she said. Just can't see why a therapist would say it!

Tumtitum · 06/04/2017 22:11

Sounds like she might have been trying to explain transference/countertransference (I can never remember which is which!!!), but didn't do it very well!! Maybe google the terms and see if it sounds like it? How do you get on with her generally? The most powerful indicator of successful therapy is whether you have a therapeutic alliance with your therapist, so if you guys don't gel then maybe you do need to request someone new.l

MiscellaneousAssortment · 06/04/2017 22:23

She is wasting your time. And your mental energy!

I was going to give an alternate suggestion to what she might have been trying to get at, in a rubbish way... but the more you say about her the more she just sounds shit to be honest. Twisting your words is very destructive behaviour, and is either judging you in a very unproductive and unprofessional way, or she's so stupid she actually can't see that she's failing to understand what you are saying.

Either way, you need a different therapist.

Did they do an assessment appointment before they started you with her? If so I'd contact the place and ask to speak to / then to give a message to the person who did that first appointment and say that you are finding the sessions very unproductive and there's a lack of fit with the therapist assigned which seems to be causing such huge communication / issues that it's just not going to work out with her.

That's the way I'd phrase it to get a new counsellor, but you'd be find to go into more detail as it's not just a lack of fit, she's really not doing her job well at all!

Have faith in yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and love... this woman is making you feel bad when you're in an incredibly vulnerable position, it's not acceptable. Try and care for you by not letting her be rubbish anymore around you, and try and think of it as making the most of these counselling sessions rather than feeling pressured to accept whatever she does as you're just so glad you're actually getting some help...

RHOLST39 · 06/04/2017 22:23

You can ask for a different therapist if you don't build a good rapport?? Doesn't sound like she's right for your needs. Xx

Dragonbait · 06/04/2017 22:24

I've done counselling qualifications and I can't get my head around this - sounds like she might be having serious problems herself! I would be inclined to report her for this and it really is unacceptable. Also you should feel 100% 'safe' with your therapist and you clearly don't so I would really move on. I went to one therapist who started falling asleep as I talked... that was just wonderful for my self esteem!

highinthesky · 06/04/2017 22:24

If I was your therapist I'd be seeking advice from my supervisor.

It can't be much fun if what you're trying to say is misunderstood and causes the client distress. She's probably wondering how to progress with you but feels like she's having to tread on eggshells.

Original poster

happyfrown · 06/04/2017 22:24

it could be it was to explain the transference. i do worry about my health rubbing off on my kids. but she definitely said i made her feel worthless and empty i just cant remember the whole sentence word for word. it was after what i felt was a telling off about not interacting with the kids so id already started to clam up and go abit foggy with guilt and anxiety. i should ve paid more attention and asked her to explain better but i felt pretty crap.

OP posts:

Sweets101 · 06/04/2017 22:26

I think you need to go back and listen to what she is saying

Wickedstepmum67 · 06/04/2017 22:34

Sorry you feel so upset by what your therapist said. I can't guess what he/she might have been aiming for with those reflections: some degree of commentary on how she experiences aspects of the way the two of you relate may be possible, and thereby how that may be echoed in your other relationships? However, it landed badly with you and that's what matters here. Do you feel able to explore these feelings with her? It could be an important way forward with the therapy if you can. If it feels impossible to say how you feel, you possibly need to think if this relationship is for you.

Original poster

happyfrown · 06/04/2017 22:37

yes i had an assessment before to determine which therapy is needed. i had ASKED for DBT or EMDR as suggested by posters on here.

i spent the rest of the day trying to accept that she'd obviously said it in the wrong way that i could possibly make other feels drained and judged? but i cant.

OP posts:

SisyphusDad · 06/04/2017 22:38

As another poster said, it might have been that she was trying to explain 'transference' - you projecting your feelings on to her, and 'counter-transference' - how that makes her feel [I think]. And if so it sounds as if she didn't do it terribly well.

It is possible that going back to her and saying that you were very upset by what she said and then discussing it with her could be a useful avenue to explore, if you can manage it. But it could also be that she's not very good, in which case you'd probably be best finding another therapist.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 06/04/2017 22:38

Yes I was thinking transference at first too turn, but have revised that idea given the other examples of judging and injecting her own limited perception into the counselling (vs trying to actually think about the op!).

But just in case it's helpful OP, transference is when the therapist starts to feel what you are feeling. A good therapist will check it and use it to open up discussion. Eg 'I am feeling a great sense of anger in me when you talk about what happened in X situation... is that what you are feeling too?' And then a discussion happens from the therapist making that observation!

My counsellor occasionally does that. I first noticed it when he commented on the anger he felt about a situation at work, where some nasty stuff was happening to me. I actually didn't feel any anger, it was just him! But by saying that and him checking if it was transference happening, it made me realise I should be feeling angry instead of just overwhelmed with fear and desperation. Helped me realise that I was feeling utterly defeated and squashed by it, and was too sad and broken to fight back or get angry. And then for some reason I did find my anger and it helped me stick up for myself a bit, and realise I was worth more than that and it would be a Good Thing to care for myself by getting out of that environment.

So really useful even though it wasn't actually transference, the therapist being skilled enough to observe his own feelings, think about transference and use it to open up a really useful direction.

I get the feeling yours wouldn't be able to do any of that as she sounds utterly unable to think or feel beyond herself!

Grrr. I feel protective of you OP, imagining you sitting in a room opening up some really private and sensitive stuff, and making yourself all open and vulnerable, and then this woman comes crashing around in your head judging you and misrepresenting your words. She could do real damage to you behaving in this incompetent way. Grrr again!

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