therapist said i make her feel worthless and empty

[happyfrown]

talking about my deep set hate and lack or self worth and how i think others are judging me. she said in some words cant remember exactly but drift of it that i reverse my feelings on to other people?
she said i made HER feel empty and worthless, i asked how i made her feel that way and she mentioned in a previous session id said something like she is a therapist for mental health, so in a way is expected to help fix me? which made her feel worthless?

i was horrified id made someone i don't know feel like that and god knows how i make my close friends feel then? i was in bits and she says ''you seem more upset this week'' you think! i said yea cos you said id upset you and possibly any one i talk to.

i was close to getting up and walking out. but if i did that the 2yrs it took to get any help would be wasted, and was worried any futher help would be denied as id walked away from so called help.

i think she was trying to say my dcs must feel worthless in how i am, talk or lack of interaction with them too, im not sure.
i feel awful.

Also try not to be too demoralised by this. It's possible to get better. Don't give up things will click into place slowly (presuming your counsellor is good).

People can be their own worst enemy. Fear of getting better or overcoming can be real.

What happens next? Will I have to cope alone? How will I feel? Will I lose friends? What if I get over this and I am still unhappy/depressed/fat/unemployed...?

I hope you get this sorted happyfrown.

And please stop telling yourself that you are a shit mother. Instead concentrate on doing the best you can.

OP, sorry to hear what your therapist said and that it made you feel crap. Remind her of what she said next session and tell her how it made you feel. If she's recording the sessions I'm guessing she might be a trainee?

i don't want it to sound like im disrespecting the therapist, she probably is doing her job and i haven't took it well. but when some one tells me ive upset or hurt them it sends me spiralling. the thought of putting those feelings onto my dcs is painful, i know its damaging the kids upbringing. but it hurts more when someone reminds you.

unweavered i don't feel safe some days. ive told them so many times i feel so numb at times i fear im the midst of it i would do something stupid. theres been days ive had to get out my house and walk, feeling theres no one to call to tell how im feeling no where to go for help. theres been days ive wanted walking into my gp surgery and tell them if i leave here i will kill myself. i don't because i fear they will lock me up.

i do want to do therapy, i do want help. but them telling me im my own worse enemy and reversing things isn't helping. i know im hard work and possibly unknowingly stubborn.

original i do feel kind of like that, i don't think i will be any better after this 16 week course. yet im quite doom and gloom about everything!

OP, I hope you don't mind me asking a few questions.
Where/how did you find your therapist?
How long have you been attending?
What professional body are they a member of?
What kind of therapy do they do (Integrative, Gestalt, Psychotherapy, CBT etc.)?

You're not disrespecting the therapist, it's important you tell her how it made you feel because otherwise you won't feel able to trust her and change won't be able to happen. If you don't feel able to challenge her, as others have suggested you may like to consider looking for a different therapist who makes you feel more comfortable. However if you do feel able to challenge her this can not only help you in the therapy itself but also give you experience in challenging people, which may be difficult for you if you have low self-esteem, if it goes well you could find it raises your self esteem. Sounds to me like she's Inexperienced. Good luck.

i cant bond with my kids. my head is so noisy and exhausted i cant. i told the therapist my 2 oldest need to live their dad for a better chance of healthy life. i don't want to fail them but the guilt is a large part of that noise in my head so if i give them up the guilt will be lifted taking some of the pressure and noise out of my mind?
i don't want to give up but i cant change, i cant make it better so i have no choice.
my dd is better here her dad and family are gross, priorities are elsewhere. and even tho im not well most the time i keep her clean, fed and warm. i just cant express emotions. im loosing the will and keep going to protect her.

Dione it was through the GP. she refered me. i done 4 assements over a year then this 16week course, im on week 5. i think its psychotherapy.

my self esteem isn't on the same planet, i have no self worth at all. its easy for someone to say just change. i wish i could, i just don't see no future.

This is the voice of desperation OP, it sounds to me like you need help, and fast.

Push for a reassessment by the MH service so you can access the right treatment. Transference isn't suitable for you, all it's doing is reinforcing your negative beliefs.

I also think you should admit how low you are. MH services are so financially stretched that it's only those who are most vulnerable that get psychiatric support.

i need to go out, think i need some air and dd has asked to go park.

I think the level of self disclosure displayed by your therapist is not appropriate in the given time frame. Please go back to your GP OP and tell them what has happened. If you are strong enough, I would go to your next session and ask them for details of their supervisor and professional body.

Hang on a moment, all the posters saying therapist did that wrong, shouldn't have said this, should be reported to professional body, is inexperienced, etc etc, this is all conjecture! I'm not minimising your feelings OP, but we do not have the context of what she said, the exact details of what she said, when she said it, what occured immediately before and after the intervention. There is so much unknown. I think focusing on the actions of the therapist is a bit pointless, as we only have one perspective. Massive assumptions being made about the therapist! Isn't it more about working with what you've been left with OP? I don't want to collude in some sort of, 'bad therapist, poor you' scenario. Which I don't think you want either OP.

i wasn't looking to slander the therapist or look for sympathy. i just needed to talk about how it made me feel. MN can delete post if its going to upset posters.

happyfrown

No I wasn't suggesting that you were. In fact you've been saying the opposite. I'm more referring to other posters.

I found one of the therapists I saw made my head spin. Once I got in there it was like my head was on a spin cycle and I struggled to think, to take in what he was saying or to formulate questions about it. 1 session I was convincedhe told he that he didn't think he could help me and he might just make things worse. He was very surprised when I fed this back to him in the next session. I found that writing down my thoughts on the last session before the next one and a list of questions. Because I knew that as soon as I was infront of him my head would start to spin again and I needed my written list.

Ultimately I decided this therapist wasn't a good fit for me and saw someone with a different approach privately. That worked much better for me at the time. Now having read about transference I wonder if that was happening with the first therapist and part of me wonders if I would have found him useful in the long run if I'd stuck with it.

I think the advice to discuss this again at your next session is a good one. If you still feel this therapist is not a good fit with you ask them what alternatives you have available.

I found one of the therapists I saw made my head spin. Once I got in there it was like my head was on a spin cycle and I struggled to think, to take in what he was saying or to formulate questions about it.

this is me, that's why i cant remember all of what was said. my mind isn't 100% there.

i feel better that ive spoke about it now. it doesn't feel so built up in me. thank you for helping.

Dead, there are a lot of really bad therapists out there. This counsellor might be one of them and such a risky intervention at such an early stage of the therapeutic relationship should be investigated. It may be that this counsellor did nothing wrong, but it should be reported to their supervisor to check out.

Dione

I get where you're coming from re: self disclosure and that this intervention is better when the relationship is more established. But I still do hope that the OP can voice her feelings to the therapist about the impact upon her. Anyway, I don't want to wade in to complicate things.
As happyfrown said, they want to talk about their feelings.

I found one of the therapists I saw made my head spin. Once I got in there it was like my head was on a spin cycle and I struggled to think, to take in what he was saying or to formulate questions about it.

I asked my therapist if I was supposed to feel this was, he said it wasn't uncommon. For me though I found I just ended up disociating in my sessions to cope with it. I lasted 6 or 7 sessions before changing therapist. I found it quite an uncomfortable process, but now I'm curious how it would have played out if I'd stuck with him. I do think it probably wasn't the right approach for me at that time though.

I think she operating with integrity and knows exactly what she's doing.

The idea now is for you to respond in a different, healthier way than you would normally. What would your normal reaction to a criticism be? To walk away, or get angry, or sulk, or agree like a doormat? Therapy is a safe place to practice doing things differently.

So don't quit, don't say nothing, don't complain. Sort it out within the session.

If the idea is to challenge how I react then it aint helpful. even if the therapist or whoever is criticising me probably right I still over process thoughts to the point of going crazy!

The only thing I can think of is that, like other posters have suggested, your therapist made an interpretation, i.e. she interpreted the transference/countertransference, and it landed far too heavily. That would have been a mistake of judgement.

However, what I'd suggest is to go back and tell her. Sometimes these kind of experiences can strengthen the client/patient alliance if both can work through them together.

But if you find yourself constantly feeling in a blur or dissociating, then no matter how good she is, then she is not a fit, because you are experience a consistent lack of safety.

I remember I went to one therapist (I had to change therapists as part of my therapy training) and came out feeling both entirely cornered and trapped, my skin stripped off. I was raw, and in shock, and felt battered. My then-current therapist suggested that if that's how the session made me feel, then that was legitimate, and if I was dismissed then I needed to seriously consider not choosing him. As it was, I never went back. He called me a couple of weeks later, and left a message on my voicemail, deep concern in his voice, asking if I was okay. I always wonder what would have happened if I'd gone back to talk about what happened.

*experiencing

If you wish to take this up with your counsellor OP, ask her what was the intention when she used that intervention.

And get the contact details for her supervisor.