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Original poster

im feeling overwhelmed by everything and feel i cant fit it all in one day

83 replies

happyfrown · 02/04/2017 11:30

my head is spinning with to do list and it making me feel so ill.
my home is usually clean, surface clean and pretty much organised. but I still feel I need to keep ontop of it. yesterday I did 3hrs of hovering, hovering the beds/bedding, under beds, skirtings, behind / under furniture, sofa, doors and doorframes, shelves.
came downstairs and cat is laying on the top of sofa so got him off and hovered it again. I managed to wash all the cupboard doors in the kitchen, surfaces, mop floors downstairs. polish. but u had to stop because I was exhausted and needed to put dinner on for dd.

I was so annoyed that I couldn't finish upstairs and worse that I - yet again - couldn't fit any exercise in. I started making my son a computer table which is nearly finished but I cant find time or energy to do it.

I woke up today thinking ill have to start from scratch with the hovering, cat hair everywhere! but then remembered id poly filled holes and dents in walls/doors and frames that still need to be sanded and painted. so should do this today before hovering, cleaning. just don't have the head for all of this, I couldn't even get off the sofa one day last week with all the dread of not being able to get it done. then cursing myself because I didn't get anything done and its another day wasted. Sad

probably makes not sense to any one I just need to offload.

OP posts:
NolongerAnxiousCarer · 03/04/2017 21:54

I know you are trying, it seems quite obvious though that they are not getting it right for you. Have you complained to the Practice manager, or PALS? It sounds like youvare being let down by the service in your area.

Original poster
happyfrown · 03/04/2017 21:56

itsnoteasy its because im not using substances, having wild sex and shredding myself with a razor, i didn't tick all the boxes? and they say im pretty much aware of my issues? yea like a few months after ive bought another pet, or 12 leg warmers, or £200 of bake ware.... at the time im clouded and don't see it or cant stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
happyfrown · 03/04/2017 22:00

sorry cross posted.

can i talk the cpn - when/if they get in touch about it?
ive not complained, i gave up. thinking i need to try and live as i am.

OP posts:
Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 03/04/2017 22:07

Happy, I am not shredding myself with a knife, have never become a serial shagger, or lead an armed revolt agqinst the local council ... Nor have I ended up in hospital ...

But I am still a manic depressive and very much need meds to function. The issue becomes how to get you the help you need.

boolifooli · 04/04/2017 05:35

Morning happy. It might help to joy some things down to say to the GP. So that you can say what needs to be said. And maybe run it by us if you want? I'm guessing you need to start off with you're not coping with examples of your behaviours. You know you need more support/cpn.etc.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 04/04/2017 05:50

Joy is very good, but for now jotting down a few points will be useful...

Oh to be able to edit our posts... I am an awful typist as well..

boolifooli · 04/04/2017 06:00

Argh! 😃

Original poster
happyfrown · 04/04/2017 10:14

thankyou its makes me feel better that some one believes me and understands.

when I was being assessed they didn't seem too concerned? when I said about the impulses and need to do something like exercise, clean, decorate they said in their words ''every ones got hobbies''
I tried to explain I takes over my head I cant concentrate on any thing, they just brushed it off. when they asked if I self harm I said yes but not with a blade I scratch deep with scissors or pointed object, they so 'oh ok'' like is nothing. they asked if I drink, -no, take drugs - no. any history of violence or criminal record. NO NO NO! to many no to them mean im fine and just need to stop being self critical and anxious Sad

ive explained im body dysmorphic so my self hate is deep set, I do have scars, but my head tells me they aint as bad as razor scars. ive told them if I wasn't so body conscious id be in a&e with cuts everywhere! I told them my extreme fear of being away from DD due to self harm or going nuts is what makes me try harder to keep it together. it exhausting. she can be at school cos I know she is safe, where she is and the time I will see her again. hope it makes sense?

when im in gp room - with any gp, they keep changing - they look at me as if im just attention seeking or that its nothing to worry about.

what meds are you on notso has any therapy helped?

OP posts:
Original poster
happyfrown · 04/04/2017 14:14

gp called. she said I have to call the people who I see and ask for another assessment. said that im responsible for asking for further support.
im not good on the phone and couldn't take in all what she was saying. so had to keep asking her to repeat.

OP posts:
Original poster
happyfrown · 04/04/2017 14:32

can anyone help me jot down notes? Im worrying. thinking when Im sat in a room with them I cant think or explain whats wrong. I go blank or cant express.

what would help them take me seriously?

OP posts:
boolifooli · 04/04/2017 14:36

I would make clear statements 'I'm not coping' and then give examples that illustrate that. Examples that show you're unable to have a reasonable quality of life because of your pervasive thought patterns. So it's a mixture of stating how you feel and examples to back it up.

boolifooli · 04/04/2017 14:37

Make it clear you will not be and can't carry on like this.

NolongerAnxiousCarer · 04/04/2017 19:52

You could use this post as a starting point. Jot down each of the points that have come up.

Original poster
happyfrown · 04/04/2017 20:12

I will tell them about the huge list of things I cant keep up with. when I think about what I will say, when I go over it in my head it doesn't sound enough? even tho its true I don't sound that bad? they will just laugh me out the room Sad

last night I had to do my exercise at 11pm as the day was busy with park and cleaning. today I was hoping to get more exercise in but Ive been so tired, got the house surface clean, hovered mopped but then I just wanted to sleep. but if I moan about this they will just see me as a busy mum.

I managed to finish the computer table and is now in ds room and out of the way in the kitchen.

OP posts:
boolifooli · 06/04/2017 19:05

How are you happy? Been thinking about you. How'd it go? ❤️💐🍫

Original poster
happyfrown · 06/04/2017 20:57

I didn't get round to ringing them, just couldn't pick up the phone. kept fearing they will say they cant help any more.
i was due there today to have my therapy so was going to talk to someone. but my session was so horrible i don't want to speak to any of them again.

ive been over the park with dd since i got back from therapy,
i think its eased abit with the cleaning. it needs doing but i don't feel as weighted down like the other days.

OP posts:
boolifooli · 07/04/2017 11:14

Hi happy. Glad you're feeling a bit more balanced. Do you keep a diary? It might help you when you need to explain to them how you're being affected? Sorry you didn't feel like talking to them. Is there anyone who could come to the therapy with you and advocate for you? Is there a local mind where you are? They should have people who would be able to advocate for you.

Original poster
happyfrown · 07/04/2017 12:03

hi, i was thinking of keeping a diary.
theres no one to come therapy with my, when i did have a partner he wasn't allowed in for majority the assessments.

my local mind closed, i used to go every few months to see a psychologist/pyschiatraist - can never remember which one is correct, they wrote a letter to me and a copy to the gp?

i have an update tho. i called the people GP told me to and they said that i can be seen by both places? they are the assessment people and the place i go is the therapy place? i struggle to understand any of whos, who? Sad but any way lady said if i needed a CPN at the assessment it would have been put in place. the fact that im not on medication and not needing some kind of injection? (cant remember the name of it) im not in need of a CPN. that i need to go back to GP for her to suggest other meds or to talk to the therapist and request other forms of therapy if i feel this course isn't benefiting me.
hope that makes sense.

OP posts:
Original poster
happyfrown · 07/04/2017 12:04

sorry i CANT be seen by both places.

OP posts:
NolongerAnxiousCarer · 07/04/2017 19:48

A diary sounds like a good idea. My understanding was that CPNs were for people who were under a psychiatrist, but not sure if I'm right. They are psychiatric nurses who monitor peoples conditions and support them between psychiatrist appointments I think. Thats what DHs CPN seems to do anyway along with helping us to understand his condition better and looking at self management strategies. A CPN is not a therapist although they often have some training in things like CBT.

Original poster
happyfrown · 08/04/2017 10:25

the lady on the phone also said they deal with people who are psychotic. when I was first diagnosed it was EUPD with psychosis so I probably did need a CPN?
I do feel I need support to help manage, my friends are there to listen but im not sure where else to get support.

OP posts:
NolongerAnxiousCarer · 08/04/2017 12:33

DHs CPN and psychiatrist are from the early intervention in psychosis team. I don't know if there is one in your area or if you meet the critetia for it. I thought the idea was that they picked up everyone with first episode of psychosis, or risk of developing psychosis, but I might be wrong. The more I'm on this board the more I think we got incredibly lucky with the support we have.

You could look at the NICE guidelines for psychosis and schizophrenia, or the NICE guidelines for BPD. They set out what treatments and support you should be getting.

Original poster
happyfrown · 08/04/2017 13:17

ok thankyou

OP posts:
elephantcuddles · 08/04/2017 14:14

To do lists on paper really help me. If you get into a routine of cleaning, it also helps. If you let things go for a while then it all piles up and it will suddenly feel overwhelming (not saying that this is what you're doing). A weekly cleaning routine can help you do little things here and there (Monday hoovering, Wednesday polishing, etc). Deep cleaning does take more time and can be scheduled for once a month for a few hours at a time. But I know when I get in the mood to clean and I want things done, I want them all done right now, today! Do you think that might be part of what's stressing you?

boolifooli · 10/04/2017 20:31

Hi honey. How are you? How's your day been? 🌈⭐️😍