I need to swear. Lots.

[zephyrcat]

FUUUUUUCKINNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG HHHEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exactly.

Zc, people just do cope, they do it, if it is what you want, you will.

I'm not sure what the mw will do to help just now, perhaps you are best discussing things with some sort of counselling line or help line, God knows.

I know that once you make a decision people will help, in any way you want them to. Well decent people will, sod the rest.

I feel worse because I don't want more children but I cannot justify not having them.

Bloody hell.

Time is running out.

I asked to speak to the doctor or the councellor at the clinic where I went in the first pace and they said that because I'd canceled my next appt and changed my mind aboutht e termination it is out of their hands now. So I can't get to speak to anyone.

Hence the reason I'm on here with the best councellors in the land

Thats shite, you would think they had loads of support set up for these types of decisions. Hopefully someone can direct you to some.

Only you can decide, which is hard, all the advice in the world will be done to diferent peoples ideals and attitudes. I wish you the best of luck, i really do. If i can help in anyway at all please email me, sorry you have this going on in your head. It sounds like turmoil x

have you spoken to your hv about housing etc and could this make the diff with getting a better place?

It does sound hard i must admit but only for so long by 2 they aren't babies by 2.5 they are off to playgroup.

You might well get sure start help with coping and extra nursery sessions for the older ones.

Thank you ff you're a star

Am I being a complete unreasonable t**t to ask dp to be home for a year to help me??

You do not have to decide between termination and having five children. Do you have any idea how many couples would LOVE to adopt your twins, should you decide that you just cannot manage. I don't say this lightly. I have two birth children and we're adopting a little girl
whose parents couldn't look after her. Open adoption is the norm now, you can have contact, you don't lose them forever. You could also request that they be adopted by a couple who already have a child of their own so that they know about the birth parent bond and that even if you can't look after them, you still love them. Lots of love whatever you decide - I know life is really tough for you now xx

How many weeks pg are you?

what does your dp do?

Zephyrcat I think you are me.
I am in a v. similar situation. I am pregnant with twins, have a 3 and 5 year old, am 30 and live on the 2nd floor! I wanted to become pregnant but twins was a total shock. Now I feel guilty as dh didn't want one more baby, let alone two, so I talked him into it. When I found out, I asked about embryo reduction, but was reluctant to go through with it as I had a very traumatic abortion as a teenager and I knew it would bring it all back. I'll have to give up my job to have twins (I'm a childminder), so we're screwed financially.
My children will have to sleep four to a room (or have twins in our bedroom- either way not ideal). I have been through the hell of dragging one baby in a pram up these stairs, I feel sick at the thought of two. So no positive advice at all, just yr not alone!

FF has wise words. I wish I had more to add but I'm around on MSN most days so jump on if you need to chat.

Oh zephy, sorry to hear that you are having doubts again.

All of your resons are good and valid ones and you are right to question how having these babies would effect all of your lives. The only thing I would say is that in the emotional state you are in now, everything probably seems like it would be so much hader than it actually would be.

I had a termination for exactly the same reasons as you have given and yes as I said they are valid reasons, but i've since realised that I would have coped, yeah there would have been tears and tantrums but in the end we'd have got through it.

Saying that though, I sometimes get the impression from your posts that you are only not making the desicion to terminate because your dp wants the babies and you are too scared to say that you don't ??

You really urgently need to speak to someone, are there no organisations or anyone that you can ring for impartial advice ?

I'm 8/9 weeks pg. DP is driving buses at the moment so nothing spectacular and nothing that he couldn't easily walk away from and back to. We'd be screwed for money but we're used to that!!

Adoption wouldn't be an option for me. I could never in a million years give them up once I'd had them. I appreciate that I'm in a very lucky situation and that there are people desperate for children. That's part of what makes this so so hard. I look at my 3 and wonder how I could consider not having what is essentially one of them.

Breadandroses it is brill to hear from someone in a similar situation. It kind of feels like I'm the only one at the moment so your post is like a ray of light!!! How many weeks are you? Keep in touch

Dances, thank you, I will def catch up with you on msn. I know it's hard to give any sort of advice as every situation is different and at the end of the day I have to decide.

care confidential

I remember reading some advice on another thread which said how would you feel if the choice was taken out of your hands - how would you feel if it was decided you WERE definitely having the twins? How would you feel if the opposite was true?

zephyrcat

you poor thing i do feel for you on many fronts

re the housing problem - have you rung the council and told them about the twins - surely they will re home you or am i wrong?

i cannot make your mind up about anything - i really cant - but i am /was a bit of a stress headed screamer with my first 3
today i said to dp -" when did you enjoy being a parent most - when you had 1? 2? 3? 4? or 5? children'
he thought for a bit and then said '5' and i agree
I scream and get stressed so much less than when i had more - the kids behave - they have to! lol
i am more chilled - so much more - i have to be - just kind of let it run more.
my life has been pretty cack this last year but thats another - long- story but my kids are fab. i am happier by the day and AMAZINGLY calmer.

i wish all the best with whatever you decide - surely there must be some phone helplines - have you looked at rhubarbs website?

scream less than when i had LESS kids

Have you worked out if your intitled to family credit, and how much you will get? Have you got a local college near you, as a friend of mine had twins and a Nursery Nurse came and helped her for the first few months, (although that was a while ago, and things may have changed now)

sorry things are a turmoil for you... but you need to look at every option open to you
[hugs]

Katy the problem is I still don't know - I swing from one extreme to the other from day to day. It depends a lot on what is going on, how the kids are doing/playing up/being fab etc. I think extreme pg hormones have to be a major contributing fact and I need to speak to Rhubarb more about AND.

I spoke to the council and they told me it makes no difference whatsoever unti lthey are born and I send in birth certificates. Even then I'm not sure it'd make a huge difference. We are being put into a 3 bed maisonette and the list for houses is roughly 9 years!!!

Notanotter that's really encouraging and it's great to keep hearing from the people with similar situations and lots of babies!! I know that as a mother I can cope. It's the practical side.

Three bedroomend Maisonettes aren't that bad, bigger than a lot of houses...... can you tell i live in one?

i am sur we could al help - and its not like charity its just a pal in need
my friend got pg when dd1 was 5 months old and then found out was twins then triplets....

it was shocking and she was scared - we pooled everything and she even got a cleaner from social services....it has been great

They aren't that bad are they ff? I had a look at one and it's just like a mini house! It's just trying to get a double pram up and down stairs with the kids, hugely pg and with spd lol conjures up some great images!

Wow notanotter so she had 4 under 2?

Zephercat, I'm 21 weeks.
If I had a different house, and more money, I would be not as pissed off as I currently am. I also think, blardy hell my daughters are going to have a really shit time of it. I don't want them to become carers just because they're the eldest. Dh wanted me to have an abortion for all the same reasons as you, but I really honestly truly can't- I have already spent 13 years torturing myself for killing one baby (joys of a catholic education!) and I know my family wouldn't survive if I had one now. I feel shit for dh too as he grew up overcrowded and having to care for younger siblings- this is his worst nightmare come true but he says he knows my reasons for not being able to get rid. He has started night school and this is really bad timing for us. I do want my babies, I just want someone else's life (and enough money to pay for a bit of help). x

they were born early so dd1 was 13months!!!!!!

four under 14 months!

I know exactly what you mean. In a different time, different circumstances maybe things would feel different....if onl;y my 3 were that bit older. But I suppose anyone in any situation can say that.