Hello,
I just feel like I need a little ramble, I'm starting to really worry about the state of my mental health. I'm so terrified of everything and I'm becoming more and more paranoid and suspicious. It's now gotten to the point where if someone calls the work phone for example and hangs up when I answer (cold caller etc) I get paranoid that it's someone checking that I'm in the shop and they are coming to get me, I can't sleep without earphones in incase I hear noises as I automatically think someone is breaking in/coming to get me. I can't sleep well at all to be honest. I'm always exhausted, but my mind is so active and fraught with worry that I wake every hour or two, every night. I never feel like I'm fully asleep, it's like I'm always aware of my surroundings.
I was diagnosed with anxiety and prescribed propranolol. I stopped taking them after a few weeks as they don't help. I do shy away from the doctor, I feel like he's going to think I'm making it all up. It's getting to the point where I'm terrified and I don't want people to know my name and I just want to get on a train and go somewhere no one knows me. My home doesn't even feel like a safe place. I have a sick pit of my stomach feeling constantly, my body is constantly in 'flight' mode
What the fucks wrong me 