I posted this in chat but thought this is probably a better place for it.
You know the feeling you get when you listen to nails being dragged down a chalk board? That feeling is the closest thing I can compare my discomfort to and when I say 'cringe', this is the feeling I'm referring to.
Anyway when I had my first child 5 years ago, I had pnd and anxiety. The anxiety has never gone away and has got better and worse over the last few years.
I seemed to have developed this thing about germs/cleanliness/contamination and although I hide it pretty well, it's actually really hard inside. I'm mostly fine when I'm at home (my house is not spotlessly clean) or somewhere where I feel very comfortable but out and about is a different story. I can just about deal with it normally but we've just had a weekend away and I basically ruined it for my family because of my weird germ thing.
I feel very anxious when taking the kids to public toilets. I get very stressed out as they are not allowed to touch anything. When they are in the cubical I get so stressed if they accidentally touch the walls, door handle or basically anything. Even thinking about it now is making me cringe. Even after the kids have washed their hands afterwards, I keep thinking about the fact that their coat ect might have accidentally brushed the door or whatever. And that they aren't really clean. Their sleeves might have brushed the sink.... Yes I know how crazy I sound.
Cafe tables. I hate the kids touching the tables or chairs. I hate putting my coat over the back of the chair as I feel like my coat will be contaminated I then don't really want to put my coat back on. It makes me cringe.
Say I walk into a coffee shop that I've not been into before. If I look around and the place looks clean ect (doesn't necessarily have to be clean. As long as in my head it's clean then it's okay. I know this makes no sense) then I'm fine but if I walk in and I don't like the look of the place it makes me feel 'cold' and I cringe and feel reluctant to touch anything, sit on the edge of my seat ect.
There are loads of other things but these are just a few examples. I'm not so bad on my own as I'll do my own thing to make sure I don't touch things that are 'cold' sit on the edge of the seat ect. But when the kids touch everything and put their hands on everything I get really stressed out. I don't really know what I'm scared about but I just am. I've tried to relax and not worry about about it or think about it but I can't.
We stopped at a service station on the way home yesterday and I saw a woman changing her baby on the public changing table. I cringed so badly that I could barely look at her.
I don't wash my hands constantly or shower more than once a day and my house is quite messy as I don't cringe or feel 'cold' at home. It's just when I'm out.
I'd only even know what I'm asking here. I know this isn't normal. The only person that I've told is DH and I'm scared I'm going to pass it on to the kids.