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To want to be beautiful

97 replies

Niyoniyo · 10/02/2017 19:05

Or at least attractive

I actually want to kill myself because of how bad I feel. I have a good job, earn good money and am well educated but cripplingly lonely (despite on the surface having lots of friends) and my feelings that I look ugly/different/unpolished/like I don't fit in are ruining every aspect of my life. Has anyone else ever felt like this?

OP posts:
Niyoniyo · 10/02/2017 23:34

Really?

I don't think I'm bitter at all. Also I do put in the time (often more so) but still look and feel like shit

OP posts:
FritzDonovan · 10/02/2017 23:40

Sorry, but that's what it sounded like, when someone came on saying about being size 20 etc, your only comment was 'yes but I bet you are pretty...' and you were very negative about your housemates, (boring, crying etc) apparently the only thing they have going for them is that they are pretty...
I'm not attacking or judging you, merely pointing out how the majority of your posts are focused

Niyoniyo · 10/02/2017 23:49

Sorry you are right about that angle
The housemates thing was because they aren't very nice people and can't seem to appreciate how lucky they are

OP posts:
outabout · 11/02/2017 00:12

What do you feel is your 'looks' preventing you doing in life?
Go out and DO something you want to do (sport, or whatever activity) and work on some new friends. Consider moving to another 'house' with different housemates. If you have some 'spare' time be a volunteer for something, even an hour a week where you would meet 'non' professional people. Even things like Scouts or Guides (as a helper or assistant) where you would be valued as a person not how you might look. Taking meals to some elderly people. Just find something where you can be with a variety of people, they will accept you for what you do and talk about, not how you might look.

TheProblemOfSusan · 11/02/2017 00:17

Yes, do print out the thread or use it to make notes about how you feel - whenever I have a counselling session I do this, or I get too upset to talk sometimes. It can be hard but it's been incredibly beneficial for me.

I do this to save time at the GPs too,even for "I have a funny pain in my knee doctor" type things.

Badders123 · 11/02/2017 00:36

I've got a face like a spot welders bench 😀
In all other ways I'm completely awesome though 👍
Comparison is the thief of joy
Something to think about...

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 11/02/2017 09:48

BADDERS, you sound beautifully normal to me, wise words, heed them OP.

Snugglepalace · 11/02/2017 16:14

Finding a great counsellor could really help with your self esteem and you don't need to spend too much, I'm currently having counselling at my local college at a much reduced rate. Do you find you feel worse about yourself in London? The reason I ask is that I live just an hour away from the city and normally feel OK about myself yet when I go into the city, I feel as though I've entered this parallel universe where everyone is gorgeous, rich and well groomed! After a while I'm happy to return back to the 'normals' in my own home town. Would you consider a lifestyle change? ie moving out of the city and working/living elsewhere? It may be the change you need, city life is quite full-on at times and remember most of these women spend a fortune looking the way they do and most of them are probably just as insecure about their looks as you are. But mostly be easy on yourself and enjoy being 25 it's a great age Smile

Intonational · 11/02/2017 18:24

Is there anyway I can post a pic and then get it deleted

Intonational · 11/02/2017 18:24

Shit sorry name change gone wrong

Believeitornot · 11/02/2017 18:27

I felt similar. It wasn't until I hit my 30s that I felt more confident in myself and accepted how I looked.

OP you need to accept that you won't be attractive to everyone. You just have to like yourself.

UnbornMortificado · 11/02/2017 18:27

Into you could post then ask for it to be deleted.

I just came on to say I have body dysmorphia as well as other fun issues. I do know where your coming from and I think speaking to a counsellor might help.

It is really shit Flowers

Badders123 · 11/02/2017 18:30

How will posting a pic help op?
What we find attractive is so so individual...
Take aiden turner - every ladies dream yes?
Except I only like him as a dwarf or a vampire 😀
I'm sure you are lovely - and remember that looks fade
Even Helen of Troy is now dust and ashes
I would urge you to check out the desiderata....I find it very comforting - so much so that I keep a copy in my purse.

Badders123 · 11/02/2017 18:32

I'm quite old though (44)
Thankfully, I simply no longer care what strangers think
it's very freeing 😁

UnbornMortificado · 11/02/2017 21:48

niche tastes Grin

Badders is right looks are naff all in the grand scheme of things. It's a lot more freeing to not give a fuck.

Badders123 · 11/02/2017 21:58

Urban 😀
It's the one positive of the perimenopause!

Badders123 · 11/02/2017 22:01

Here you go op
I read this when I am feeling down - it never fails to give me a sense of perspective;

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

daisychain01 · 12/02/2017 05:32

I like your style Badders. Wonderful poetry, I've saved it Smile

The most inspiring realisation about "beauty" came to me many years ago when I saw John Hurt's film .the Elephant Man and what an incredible revelation it was to hear the voice that spoke of nobility and kindness and strength that are far more attractive traits than a pretty face.

blackandwhitephoto · 12/02/2017 08:26

I love that poem Badders.

Wish I could care less as I get older but in truth I don't. I am slim for which I am very grateful but omg the rest....it doesn't stop me being happy though thankfully.

I can imagine London being depressing in the way of looks though.

Badders123 · 12/02/2017 09:43

I have a small copy i keep in my purse 😊
I hope op is ok.
I agree that some professions and some areas of the country are very very focussed on appearance and that must be rough.
I work with children and they don't care. They just like hugs and someone to talk to 😊
I am good at hugs and I talk ALOT

outabout · 12/02/2017 10:12

Hi
If anyone is interested Desiderata is available on Spotify. I think one of the artists who recorded it was Les or Des Crane (sorry if that is completely wrong).
Completely off topic but London is depressing generally (to me) especially as it sucks all the good bits from the rest of the country, museums, galleries etc.

crazydogladyo · 16/02/2017 02:14

I feel exactly the same but without the suicidal ideation. I've only started feeling like it again recently though. I was doing a lot better. I do take 50mg Sertraline for anxiety, but it doesn't seem to help with this.

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