Anyone around? Feel like I can't carry on, everything going wrong

[Lucysdiamonds]

Feel like I can't take anymore. It's been a crap couple of years and today I finished with my boyfriend because we've just been rowing non stop and I'm so stressed, depressed and can't see it changing.

I know I did the wrong thing, I can't bear the thought of life without him and I just can't cope.

Im really scared .. I don't want to carry on. My life is useless, I'm useless.

Hi Lucy,

How are you this morning? Hope the samaritans were helpful. Feeling so low is awful, the thing to remind yourself is that this will pass. Its really hard when a relationship ends, but right now it sounds like you need to focus on you. Set yourself little goals like getting out of bed, if that feels ok, having a shower, if that feels ok going downstairs. Little bitesize goals that get you through the day minute by minute, hour by hour. You can build up to the things the MH team were talking about very gradually when you feel up to it in a similar fashion. Eg walking as far as the font gait and back, then the first lamp post etc.

Trying different ADs might help, different ines work for different people so its woryh a go. Sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find one that worrks for you.

Thanks for being there last night/this morning.

I don't know about trying different ADs. . The side effects are awful and I dont think I'm convinced they'll help. I hate the thought of medication messing with something as important as the brain when no one really knows the long term effects.

And it doesn't help when it's so difficult to see a doctor when you need to.

I know. I've seen 5 different GPs at 2 practices in the past 18 months and each time you don't know if the person is going to be helpful or not either. Thankfully the GP I have now isn't leaving and is very sympathetic to MH problems.

Could side effects be worse than what you're going through now?

How are you doing now, I hope you managed to get a little rest.

I don't know .. if I was convinced they would help, it would be different.

I feel like I've been hit by a bus. My chest hurts, my head hurts, my eyes hurt ... I slept about three hours.

I just want him to be with me and everything to be ok again, like it used to be.

Again side effects vary from person to person and from AD to AD. The ones I have had have always settled after a few weeks, and personally the benefit has been well worth it. Bear in mind it takes a couple of weeks for ADs to kick in and longer to reach full effect so they arn't a quick fix. For me they have saved my life in the past. It is very annoying when its such hard work to get an appointment. When you do get through tell them its urgent, it sounds like it is.

That all sounds like bereavement, Lucy, grieving the loss of the relationship and the future you had. Completely understandable m in these circumstances, don't you think?

I get how you feel about ADs, especially coming from where you are now. No one can give you any guarantees on anything in life though.

You poor thing, you must be exhausted. Just wanted to check in too and see how you were feeling today - how did it go with the samaritans?

The Samaritans texted back thanks. It helped talking to someone.

I just don't know what to do with myself. Dd has friends over. I feel awful, my whole body hurts. I just want to see him. But that's not a long term solution. The problems will continue. And it's not fair to him. And I can't handle any more rows.

I'm just an awful person. I messaged him last night, telling him I felt suicidal. That's not fair It wasn't his choice to end it. I need to get a grip and really let him get on with his life.

These things take time - cut yourself some slack here. None of the stuff you've done or said makes you a horrible person - you've had a huge amount on your plate and you're doing the best you can. Imagine if you were seeing your friend going through what you are - what would you say to her? What would you want for her? I doubt it would be even nearly as harsh as what you're saying to yourself. Be kind to yourself, and take things one day at a time. You'll get there.

He thought it was unforgiveable

It would always have been there. . He wouldn't trust me anymore .. bring it up in arguments. I couldn't bear to be that person. That's why I had to end it with him.

Then it sounds like you did the right thing - staying in a relationship full of arguments wouldn't have been good for either of you. The right choices aren't always the easiest ones, but you will get through this. Can you think of something you can do today to try and take your mind off things a bit?

No .. I should have been patient and made it work. I was being stubborn, insisting I was right about some little thing. Stupid.

Only you know what the best route forward is, but maybe talking things through with him is in order. Just take your time, give yourself the space and allowance to feel what you need to feel, and keep being kind to yourself

I went to talk to him .. I was worried he'd harm himself. We spoke a bit. I don't know what happens now

Anxiousmunchkin thanks for the Samaritans text number last night. Thanks everyone for your support, it really helped.

Sending you lots of good luck moving forward as you continue to work through everything

You're more than welcome - so many of us have been there. Keep posting as you need to

Thanks.

Any ideas for destressing?

I feel like the stress has been building up over a year now and no let up. I don't know how to stop it. I've no capacity for more now

Things that work for me a short, mindful activities - things that don't take too long to complete (so I get the reward of finishing it) and that I have to think about whilst I'm doing it (so my mind can't wander onto all the crap it wants to torture me with). Things for me in that category are adult colouring books, building Lego models (actually find this very soothing!), mini craft project - I have a sewing kit for making felt tree decorations and each one takes 30-45 mins, hopefully by next xmas I'll have the full set done!. Baking or cooking something works for me too, planning it, preparing the ingredients, putting it together. Tackling a mini home project - declutter one drawer, clean out one kitchen cupboard, reorganise one category of books/DVDs etc. I know for some people that would not be relaxing at all but for me it really is! (Can I joke now that I am diagnosed with it?)

Things that I find harder when I am most depressed are things like watching films/tv - I lose track and then mind wanders. Taking a bath - mind wanders - although I have found listening to a 30min podcast or radio play/drama episode has been a good thing to do in the bath to remedy this.

For me yoga is a big part of my mental health self-care, I go to classes several times a week and practice at home most days too. There's tonnes of videos for free on YouTube. Definitely a mindful activity.

Finally, 'pure' mindfulness meditation (learning via the headspace app) has definitely, definitely helped me a lot, BUT it didn't at first, I had to be a bit better in the first place to find it useful. For me, that's where medication came in.

Have you looked into various nutritional supplements etc touted as having mental health benefits - perhaps would be less intimidating than medication?

For me to destress I find exercise, mindfullness and meditation helpful. Also I've taken up knitting which I find a calming and mindful activity. I've also used the headspace app. I also find guided relaxation helpful, theres a fab track called the golden core that both DH and I swear by we got from www.nlpinthenorthwest.co.uk.

((((HUG))))

You have been through so much. So, so much 💐

Your GP/MHS both sound utterly rubbish, I'm so sorry about that too, because they shouldn't be rubbish, they're too important! If I were you I'd ring the GP's tomorrow from 7:45, constantly, until you get through. Tell them it's an EMERGENCY/URGENT, then if they still don't give you an appointment, tell them you are suicidal so they'd better find you an appointment straight away.

Can you speak to the Christian Charity & tell them how you're feeling? That you need more support & more counselling?

Are you eating? Drinking plenty of water? Getting some fresh air - even if it's only opening the windows for a bit.

It's not surprising the stres has been building up my lovely. Your Dad died, your Mum has cancer, your marriage broke up, you've ended a relationship, you have a child to look after and you have anxiety & depession..FFS show me someone who wouldn't be in a tight old state x

Your ex boyfriend needs to stay an ex. You can't work through the cheating & his reaction right now. That aside, the biggest thing here is that you cannot be with someone whose mental health you need to be worried about. You barely have enough resources for yourself.

Your DD would not be better off with her Dad, you're her Mum, she loves you, she needs you. Hold her, hug her, just be together when you can, doing nice things - even just colouring or watching TV. It doesn't have to cost money or be energetic.

After my Dad died I started getting panic attacks - it was scary. I had to MAKE myself open the front door and breath. I had to force myself to go out of the house and do something, even if it was only go into the village & have a coffee, or I knew I'd just keep getting worse, I didn't want to leave the house at all. I lived alone, my Mum lived overseas & I knew she needed me. I had to be OK for her. It was a fucking awful time in my life and several years on I'm still not who I was before he died (suddenly) & never will be. I didn't have half of what you have had to cope with on top of that.

There are a lot of us knittIng & crocheting for the Woolly Hugs. It's a nice part of MN to be in, lots of lovely people who are very welcoming. It doesn't matter if you can't already knit or crochet, we can teach you and if you can't afford to buy the right wool, we can send you some 😊 You're not alone 💐

Thanks everyone, you are really kind. I don't know if I'd be here without you all.

Thanks Annie .. I think I've just felt so alone and want someone to look after me for a change.

I'm not good at meditating or yoga .. my mind races too much.

I can knit and was going to join in the woolly hugs but I can't find my needles and I can't afford the nice wool at the moment - I'm spending all my money on gas and food for dd and a dog walker . But I'll have a look at the thread again.

So sorry about your dad .. it's so difficult to carry on. I had to, for my mum .. there was no one to take her to hospital for radiotherapy as I'm an only child.

I am eating thanks, trying to stop just eating junk and currently eating low carb because then my ibs goes away. I just haven't got the motivation to cook.