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Original poster

Anyone with experience of borderline personality disorder?

92 replies

officiallycrazy · 22/02/2007 04:31

I've just been diagnosed with it and am scared...

Have the same thread in health . Wasn't sure where to post this.

OP posts:
NappiesGalore · 27/02/2007 14:00

hi OC - thanks for those links.

(thats a nice and considerate thing youve done for people btw. just wanted to point out that 'bad people' dont do nice and considerate things for people. good people, like yourself, do. i think thats worth pointing out.)

Original poster
officiallycrazy · 27/02/2007 18:44

I think hearing someone else's experience of things like this is as helpful as professional advice. It really helps, so thank you.

I really am not a bad person, honest. I can be quite lovely sometimes!

OP posts:
NappiesGalore · 27/02/2007 19:18

exactly - thats what i was telling you!

have read over that stuff and - apart from self harming (too much of a coward!) and begging people not to leave me - all of that stuff fits me as a teenager/young woman... not that they diagnose it in teenagers... but still.

all the extreme-ness is out of it now though. so theres light at the end of that there tunnel

Original poster
officiallycrazy · 28/02/2007 00:18

A light at the end of the tunnel? Well, today, for the first time in months, I think I see it. I know it's a long way, but I think I can make it.

Yippeee!

OP posts:
Muminfife · 28/02/2007 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NappiesGalore · 28/02/2007 07:32

hurrah for the light! .

here's to the 'light days' becoming more and more frequent eh?
an important thing to remember, and its a tricky one coz you need to remember it on dark days and thats when your thinking is most skewed; is not to beat yourself up about any steps backwards or unexpected dark days... i guess you just find the best way for you to get throught them... and wait it out. tomorrows a new day and all that...

alcyone · 28/02/2007 08:13

Well said, NG, and so true.

Ovun · 28/02/2007 20:18

Glad thats there is light at the end of the tunnel oc, sorry I didn't post for a while, pc trouble I'm afraid.
I am really pleased that this thread is working out for you, and that you are getting support from other people who have gone through this. YOu have professional help already, so maybe the peer support is what you need in addition?
As HK78 said, ice cubes is one suggestion as a subsitute for cutting, if the pain is part of the release. If it is the sight of blood then using a red pen or something similar can work. Or use both. I think these methods are useful if you are at a stage where you are ready to reduce your self harm, if not, save that for a later date. The fact that you are increasing your self harm, might be because you are having to confront a lot of difficult issues atm, and it maybe that you need the self harm. As you say it is better than the alternative, so it is probably wise to try not to reduce just now. I'm glad you liked me asking you to take care of yourself it is very important on a number of levels. If I were you, I would get a little medical box set up with whatever you use to clean up your arms. Then you know that it is ready, I don't think this will encourage you to do it more, but it is another way of prioritising your well being.
Take care, and hold onto the light....

alcyone · 01/03/2007 19:48

Hi OC, sending you

Original poster
officiallycrazy · 01/03/2007 19:57

Nappies Galore - I needed to re-read this thread and was glad to be reminded that the darker days are just that - days that will pass. It seems I have lost my sparkle again

The advice about self-harming is good - I don't think I am ready to go cold turkey yet, although haven't done anything to myself this week, and keep telling myself that is a good thing. I have been trying to work out why I do it and am not sure - I don't do it for the pain because at the time, it doesn't hurt. And I am not sure that I need to see it as I have begun to do it in less visible places. The action of doing it seems to be what soothes me. Anyway, I have a little 'self-care' kit available, just in case (who am I kidding? that should be when) I do it again.

Thanks so much for checking on me. It is really lovely to know that you care. People who I have never met are kind enough to ask about me. It means so much.

I hope you are all ok.

x

OP posts:
alcyone · 01/03/2007 21:12

It's comforting to know that the sparkle IS there, you just don't always feel it.

alcyone · 01/03/2007 23:26

Have read your last post,does cutting yourself give you a sense of control?
I have been thinking about my own reasons for doing it,i am sure that was one of the reasons i cut myself, i could channel everything i felt into that one act,it was the only thing that i could control about my self/feelings/life.I was left with a huge sense of relief. I fear that i am waffling about ME again i hope it helps to share.Here's to lighter days! [smiley raises glass of wine]

Original poster
officiallycrazy · 02/03/2007 00:18

You're right, it is a relief to know that the sparkle is still there. I have remembered who I am, what I used to be. I know that this is not me, it is just a phase. And awful phase but one that, with help will pass. I can be me again...

I don't know about the cutting thing... I definitely do other things for control (eating problems when I was a teen, and occasionally even now, attempted suicide) - I can't control many things but if I live or die, what/ if I eat and if I suppose, if hurt myself are things I can control. I don't think I get a sense of relief from it but I certainly feel calmer while I'm doing and for a short time afterwards. A bit like a baby sucking their thumb, I think - it's soothing. I just wish I didn't do it.

PLEASE waffle away on here - it really helps. I get so caught up in myself sometimes, it is great to hear other people's thoughts and reasons for their feelings & behaviour. It has helped me shed some light on my problems. And it didn't sound like waffling to me anyway!

Take Care

OP posts:
Overrun · 02/03/2007 20:50

Good to hear from you again OC, sorry to hear that your sparkle has gone again, but as you acknowledge, this is a phase and it will come back (smile).
Some people have described cutting as letting all the bad feelings out, as if they flow out with the blood. Anyway, I am pleased to hear that you have managed not to, so far this week.
Hang in there

alcyone · 04/03/2007 16:31

This will probably be my last post on this thread,OC, just checking in to say hi,hope things are working out for you.x

Boco · 04/03/2007 18:33

Apologies for not reading the whole thread - cooking dinner for two noisy girls. Just wanted to say that in my experience these diagnoses can be random and inaccurate. It's dangerous to try to fit with a diagnosis rather than find one that fits with you (not saying you're doing this). My brother has been given a diagnosis of bipolar and it doesn't quite fit, but that label has really changed the way he sees himself and he's less able to cope than he was before. My dp has had a breakdown, has been suicidal, self harmed / suicide attempt - and has had a different diagnosis from every professional he's seen.

REason i'm posting is to say that there certainly is hope - this time last year my dp was in hospital and things were very bleak. Now he's working, he's happy and doing really well. The difference was due to having CAT therapy - it was fantastic, the first thing that's worked for him. It's a long road, he's never going to be 'cured' - but he's understanding why he used certain coping strategies, and why he doesn't need them any more.

Really hope that you find something that works for you - would def recommend CAT if you can find a therapist. Take care x

Overrun · 05/03/2007 20:15

Calling OC, how are things?

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