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Original poster

I want to die

75 replies

HadEnoughGameOver · 01/12/2016 18:45

I'm fat. Ugly. Worthless.

I shout at my kids.

I have no friends.

I left my DH for someone who has now left me. Got to love Karma

I'm alone. I'm a crap mum. I have anxiety and depression. Been on meds a decade. Anxiety is getting worse

Noone wants to fucking help me. Just fill me with pills

I'm sad and angry and I spend my days sleeping and wanting to die.

I don't clean my house. My Ex comes and does it. I barely wash

I just want to fucking die and go to sleep so this bullshit is over

I can't bare doing this another week. Never mind 40 years

OP posts:
Original poster
HadEnoughGameOver · 01/12/2016 18:49

My mum fucked me up and now I'm doing the same to my kids.

I'm a wreck
I hate my life. I just can't be happy. I can't feel it. Everything feels like a foggy dream.

I tried to make a nice day. Xmas tree. I want to die inside. It's the worst xmas ever but I pretend for the kids. They won't stop fighting and after 2 hours the fucking tree fell over and it was ruined. Ornaments smashed. Everything fell off.

It's like a metaphor for my life.

I can't continue

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/12/2016 18:50

I'm sorry you feel like that, OP. You're obviously hurting. Please ring the Samaritans, they know how to help people and have the experience that people here don't.

Original poster
HadEnoughGameOver · 01/12/2016 18:50

I posted a message in family group chat. Crying saying kids wouldn't behave. At wits end. Nobody called to see if I was ok.

They'll all love the mourning though and the fame of having a dead sister/ daughter

OP posts:
Original poster
HadEnoughGameOver · 01/12/2016 18:51

I don't want help. I just want to vent.

I just want some one to acknowledge that I am in fucking pain

OP posts:
Sprink · 01/12/2016 18:53

Call the Samaritans, as suggested.

You wouldn't be here if you didn't feel you had something to live for. You just need some help.

Call them. Flowers

LifeLong13 · 01/12/2016 18:53

I hear you OP vent away x

LifeLong13 · 01/12/2016 18:54

Please call Samaritans too. They'll be able to listen. Xxx

Original poster
HadEnoughGameOver · 01/12/2016 18:54

I just want someone to talk to :(

OP posts:
Veggiesupremeextracheese · 01/12/2016 18:54

I'm sorry op it sounds awful, how old are your children?

justoneday · 01/12/2016 18:54

We're listening.

Original poster
HadEnoughGameOver · 01/12/2016 18:55

The people I love don't love me back. I spend my days alone. Just sleeping and watching TV. I don't have a life

OP posts:
Clairewilliams07 · 01/12/2016 18:55

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abbsisspartacus · 01/12/2016 18:56

I'm listening vent away

anahata · 01/12/2016 18:56

Op, I'll let you talk if you want to message me.

Violetcharlotte · 01/12/2016 18:56

Sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I'm hear to talk if it helps Flowers

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 01/12/2016 18:56

Vent away.

I can understand the need to rage without someone trying to give a solution - just listen!!!

Clairewilliams07 · 01/12/2016 18:56

Do you work?

OliviaStabler · 01/12/2016 18:56

Talk to us. Tell us how you feel. Get it all out.

Original poster
HadEnoughGameOver · 01/12/2016 18:57

They are all in primary school. They deserve a mummy who can cope. I can't cope.

I just wait and wait to see a psychiatrist and they tell me ques are long.

OP posts:
Ebayaholic · 01/12/2016 18:57

I hear what you are saying about just wanting to be heard. We are listening. Your angst over the example you are setting to your kids show that you love them very much.

FlouncedBack · 01/12/2016 19:00

'I just want some one to acknowledge that I am in fucking pain'
I can do that. Your pain is jumping out from the page - it's hard not to write platitudes to try and console you in some way. xxxx

justoneday · 01/12/2016 19:00

Bet your children think the world of you. So somebody does love you. One positive at a time.

Original poster
HadEnoughGameOver · 01/12/2016 19:00

I'm sorry :(

I feel like a burden to everyone. My brain isn't wired right. I just sit and worry and over analyse and lash out at people. Thats how I lost my partner. Not believing they love me. I pushed them away.

I just want to be happy.

I don't work. I'm practically agoraphobic. I get ESA. I take my kids to school. Come home. Cry and sleep. Pick them up. Make them tea. Put them to bed. Cry and sleep.

At weekends my ex has them so Fri morning to Sunday I have nothing to get up for. I lie in bed and sleep the whole time.

OP posts:
BastardBernie · 01/12/2016 19:01

But we are all going to die one day, you'd hate yourself even more looking down at the people that love you (there's more than you think) in absolutel physical agony because you don't think you're good enough to be here.
You ARE. And you need a break to realise it.

BayTrees · 01/12/2016 19:01

Didn't want to just read and move on. Some days nothing goes right. Your kids will have been really excited about the tree - it was a lovely thing to do for them. Sometimes they fall over or the lights break after you've put everything else on or the cat gets overexcited and knocks them over....this does not make you a bad person. How old are the DC? Can they make paper decorations? Snowflakes, santas gingerbread men, stars whatever. You'll have decorations made with love that won't break and might give you a few minutes for yourself. I'm sure someone else with more experience and better ideas will be along but just wanted to know you matter.