I want to die

[HadEnoughGameOver]

I'm fat. Ugly. Worthless.

I shout at my kids.

I have no friends.

I left my DH for someone who has now left me. Got to love Karma

I'm alone. I'm a crap mum. I have anxiety and depression. Been on meds a decade. Anxiety is getting worse

Noone wants to fucking help me. Just fill me with pills

I'm sad and angry and I spend my days sleeping and wanting to die.

I don't clean my house. My Ex comes and does it. I barely wash

I just want to fucking die and go to sleep so this bullshit is over

I can't bare doing this another week. Never mind 40 years

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

OP, I feel for you as I have been where you are and it will get better. Go get your meds checked at the Drs if you haven't had them reviewed in a while, If you have had them changed recently, remember your body needs 2-3 weeks for the meds to work.
You are a good Mum - hence wanting to have a prefect day for them putting up the tree, but sometimes the more perfect you try to make things, they seem to go wrong!
You need to do something for yourself. Maybe make a wish list of doable things you would like to do and whilst your Ex has the kids, do it.

Didn't want too read n run, yy pp advice you are not alone plenty of people here who will, listen advise & handhold, it can & will get better small steps & small goals.
Sending virtual hugs &💐

I can't go tomorrow. He comes with me to all my appointments. And one of the kids has an inset day.

I will go Monday. For sure.

Find some 'clean enough' clothes, can you Febreze them? Put them ready for tomorrow. Put breakfast food out ready.
Having you at the Nativity is likely to be very important to your youngest.
Have a good sleep, tomorrow is a new day. Force yourself to the Nativity for the little one, they always remember these things. Good luck 💐

I appreciate all the words of support. I feel less alone right now

This has been so sad to read! I'm so sad that you feel this way. I agree you should really speak to your doctor.

It's not the same at all, but my partners been going through a bad time st the moment & stopped going out etc. We've just stripped everything right back to baby steps.

Tomorrow you have a nativity, so your baby step would be going. There's your big tick of the day. You accomplished your mummy duty of going to the nativity.

Maybe once kids are in bed you can have a quick shower or soak in the bath & try n empty your mind of all the crap your trying to overcome at once.

I really don't want to come across patronising in the slightest. It's just really made me stop & think & you need to know that we're all here ready to listen to whatever you want to moan about & you can come and tell us everytime you achieve anything. No matter how small! It's all a step forward.

Do you have a nail brush and a nail file?

Could you give your nails a quick brush with a nail brush and then file your nails? You can file them in bed.

It's a small thing, but it's taking care of yourself.

hot bath or shower? always makes me feel a bit better

What about home start? You could do with external support.

Tell your GP you want to be a better mum to your children, explain how poor your home conditions are and it may well jolt him to take you more seriously

I'm sorry you feel so shit
The fact that you know you're going to the nativity, you wanted to do a big tree event, you get the kids fed, washed and to school says you're still a great mum. You care. You want to be better. You're not a lost cause, you need some help and medication tweaking, but there's definitely hope.
The fact that your ex comes to your appointments speaks absolute volumes to me. Even if he's your ex he still cares enough to be there for you. Therefore you are worth caring about.
Keep venting on here if it helps. There's always an ear xxx

Another Mumsnetter thinking of you and wishing you well

Hi OP I relate so much to many of your thoughts and feelings, so many of the thoughts you have shared sound so familiar. I have suffered with depression and anxiety in the past but remember nothing lasts forever.

Why can't I cope with the most basic of things?
The answer to this is that you are going through a hard time and depression can affect your ability to do everything. Don't be hard on yourself.

I take my kids to school. Come home. Cry and sleep. Pick them up. Make them tea. Put them to bed. Cry and sleep...I see myself in a shop window and I look like an old bag lady.

This made me smile because it sounds like me about 10 years ago, although obviously it wasn't funny at the time. I still experience depression to some degree but it is no where near what it was then. (And my DD has turned out relatively fine )

Your thoughts about wanting to die and feeling worthless are understandable and shared by many others. But that is all they are; thoughts. They can't harm you or have any affect on your life unless you let them.

Get yourself to the GP on Monday and have a good chat about it all.

Hello, can I just say that I think you've made a MASSIVE step today. Think of this as the first step of many taking you further away from wanting to die. Take each day as just that. Tiny steps in the right direction. Some days you might take three forward and two back? You've still moved one step forward...

If you broke your leg, would you put that off till Monday? I'm guessing the answer would be no? Why should how you are feeling be any different? There is no shame in being depressed or asking for help.

Please don't put off making a doctors appointment.

OP, it sounds as if you're really low. You are allowed to vent. I don't have any words of wisdom I'm afraid, but just wanted to add my support. Everyone on here is rooting for you.

I can't sleep

People that are saying 'well done for going to the GP' etc.. I've been to the GP dozens of times over the last year. It doesn't do anything. They just sit and nod and offer to change medication and check the status of my waiting to 'see someone'

It doesn't do anything

I can't sleep

I brought my son into bed with me. I just didn't want to be alone.

I feel so fucking alone right now. I can't sleep. I have that tight feeling in my chest. It's excruciating

Hi Enough, shot to shit sleep pattern shift worker here. No advice or solutions but a hand to hold till the early risers arrive. If you want to talk I'm good for another hour.

You sound incredibly overwhelmed. Try to deal with one thing at a time. For example, when you get up today, have a wash. Spray deodorant or febreeze on your clothes so you feel fresher. Then when kids at school make putting on one load in the wash your goal. That's it. Never mind the tree. Nevermind anything else.

When I feel overwhelmed I give myself one task. When I've done it I can often manage one more or part of another one as I have proven to myself I can do it. Know what I mean?

This weekend when the kids are away try and do a few more things. Perhaps write a list of small achievable goals. Hoovering the living room. A ten minute walk outside. You can still sleep plenty but doing a few small tasks will be wonderful for your mental health. St the time you'll think "why am I fucking bothering" but when it is done you will be proud. I promise.

I know there is nothing more appealing than lying in your bed and ignoring real life. It won't help you get your life back though. You can do this. Your incredibly strong you just don't know if.

Hello, I'm just playing catch up...

If you feel the GP is unhelpful? Then see another one. It's all well and good prescribing antidepressants, however, more should be offered. I know you said you are still awaiting a psychologist appointment. By telling the GP how low you are should speed this up. The GP should also be chasing this up on your behalf.

I've no idea where in the country you live. I do know in the Northest you are giving a phone number to arrange your own counselling! Which isn't really ideal if the person is already completely overwhelmed, it just adds to their load.

I do know of people who have phoned the GP on behalf of another person to express their concern. Could your ex maybe make the phone call. There are community nurses trained in mental health that can do home visits. This might help in the short term? GP's can do home visits also, if you can not get to them, then they should be coming to you.

What you have described sounds like anxiety. But, any pain in your chest should be checked out.

If the feelings of wanting to die become too much, phone the police. You'd be amazed what pressure the police can put on others to get the correct services in place.

As a short term measure could the living arrangements be changed. Could your ex move back for a few weeks to help looking after the little ones?

Morning. Get up, get a bru get ready smile and take you LO to there nativity

Hi how are you?

How's things op?

Didn't want to read and run. Sending you lots of love, well wishes and positive vibes

yes I would also like to send best wishes OP hoping things are ok

I hope you are ok OP.
I was wondering how you are.
Re. Taking Venlafaxine, I know you said your relative said s/he wished they never took it but I can honestly say I wish I started taking it years ago. It's changed my life for the better.