Can we have a negative/ranty thread?!

[OnTheTurningAway]

... Having to be relentlessly positive is grinding me down. Can't even speak to the crisis team without being expected to drink the happy clappy, positive thinking, everything is due to self-esteem and personal outlook kool-aid.

Sometimes I just want to say it fucking hurts and be allowed to cry and be weak for a moment.

I hereby open the the ranty room - come in, let off steam, collapse in a heap (duvets provided) and then have some tea and biscuits.

ps. the MN tea icon looks like it has a cannabis leaf on it...

I'm with you. Sometimes you've just got to break down and say fuck it, this doesn't feel good and no amount of cbt or talking therapy is going to help. Your cheery disposition is just pissing me off, now fuck off and leave me alone.

My back is fucked, I have a herniated disk pressing on my sciatic nerve. The searing pain is not helped by having a fucking walk or bath, hell even morphine only just takes the edge off. Do not tell me that a positive mental attitude will help my back. Get. To. Fuck.

Ooh that felt good written down. I need my duvet now

Thank you for the thread op

That sounds shit cranky, I'm sorry it's happening. Perhaps the cannabis MN tea would be a good idea!
Oops, sorry, I smiled

It is the Pantomome season .... so

Oh no you can't.... Oh yes we can....

Well this might just be my ranty thread then... sorry.

Really wound up at the impossibility of accessing any kind of support. Anyone who even mildly gives a shit assumes there are NHS services there to help. I feel so crap hearing about how people reached a low point then went to get help and yay all is now well. What about when the desperate low point comes because you sought help, were wrung through the mill, and got no help only damaging labels and judgements made by misogynistic psychiatrists with god complexes?

I would love to know what it feels like to be loved.

Complete moron at crisis team was just going on about looking at the things we can control blah blah. Hopeless. It's the memories and fear caused by stuff out of my control that is why I'm messed up. I'm terrified, I'm holding on by my fingernails, I feel sick every morning (assuming anxiety) knowing I have to get through another day. Thinking about the good things doesn't male that stuff go away.

As in the words of Jessie J - 'it's ok not to be ok'. Been thinking about those words a lot lately.

Just rambling, sorry, suffering with d and v bug I've caught of dd and feel like shit.

Tough time of year for my mh

to all

I mean, I try to have a positive outlook and really do chirp on through as best I can, but having the stuff that causes me so much pain utterly dismissed or treated as my own fault actually makes me feel worse.

I have a sort of problem-solving type outlook and they just don't - they go more for "problem ignoring". Yet they make out I'm the one with the wrong attitude/not trying to get better. If they do eventually take in all I'm doing to make things better, they get confused and can't understand what the problem is. They literally have no idea about trauma or even the concept of people struggling without "self-esteem" being the answer to everything.

Thanks Hellz.

Ranting is strangely helping...!

Just to finish off my long-time-coming major rant - I'm sick of the fact that being viewed as "mental" means people think it's sort of ok if things are worse for you than other humans. So for example, few people know how much I long to be a mother (have always known I want children eventually) or the pain caused knowing that it is so unlikely - but they wouldn't even consider it. And when I've been through things like homelessness, it's sort of seen as par for the course, not deeply distressing as it would be for "normal" people.

I went through CAT therapy - I'm still
Working on it, it helped me recognise I have a type of trauma linked to "invisible illness" health issues when I was 20. But one if the big things I took away was that it is ok to say this is really shit and accept you feel awful and get upset about it.

Now I also have pain and weakness and it's been a struggle that has dragged my mh through the mud not least due to the way it opens trauma type feelings and reactions (e.g. I didn't realise my strong desires to help others with the same condition is part of that).

I'm not always winning, I get really down about it. I get ashamed of how I crumbled in the past but am trying to tell myself anyone else would do that.

Others who experience what you experience would have a fucking hard time being all merry and bright too.

I worry about my children's future and worry about what people think of me all the time. Have had counselling / cbt in the past and it helped a bit. Hated taking ADs, but they did work.
Have days when i fake the smiling, but just wobbly inside. Hate being peri menopausal. It really doesnt help.
I try to count my blessings and stay positive, but its not my default setting and have to hide my negatitivy. Not sure why we always have to pretend to be something we are not. I ruminate about the past and what a failure ive been regarding careers etc. always felt a square peg in a round hole. Face never fitted. How my children will get on in life bothers me a lot, theres not much for life to offer them! Wrong to think like that, but i do. I know it could be worse though, so that keeps me going a bit! Find this time of year hard too. Sorry for the self pity!

Sorry for the self pity!

No need to apologise - that's the point

On, thank you.!
I think its just feeling down in my case. I appreciate others have many more problems than I do.

Can I join? I do appreciate many others have it much, much harder but....cuntyfuckbollocksshit .

I'll join in. Anxiety is fucking dreadful, even more irritating is someone standing in the background asking you not to be upset because they don't like it! Arghhhhhh

Dear, my dh is like this too, but its ok for him to be anti when life wears him down and he is looking for someone to blame!
He isnt a bad man, but he has little empathy.

I'd like to join in but know it may be bad for me, I do think you can (well at least I can) go into spirals with negative thoughts and stopping the thoughts early or more letting them go and not amping it up does help. But hey sometimes I want to say fuck it, my life is ok but not great and would be so much better if I had not made certain very poor decisions, I know I cannot turn back time, that regret is pointless etc etc but aaaahh, that does not take away from the reality of them being very unwise decisions which caused a lot of pain. Maybe I can just save the negativity for here

Excellent thread joins
Can I just sit and be

Nothing worse than someone squashing the sadness back into your mouth because they can't cope hearing you are feeling awful.. My family are the worst for this. Yes but at least...... is their favourite refrain. They have no f*&!?! idea how much worse that makes me feel.

my Mum'a favourite turn of phrase is 'think marshmallows' (screams into pillow). Like thinking abut something pink and fluffy will solve the losses that I'm doing my best to come to terms with. Have to laugh really!