Feel like I'm at the end of the line

[Throughautomaticdoors]

Just that really. There's nowhere else to go

What's the matter, OP? Has something happened today or has there been a build up of stress?

Could you try and write down why you feel this way? It might help?
Or is there someone you can talk to in real life?

You have come to a good place...

I just have no solutions to any of the things I'm worried about.

I have ruined my life and my children's lives

How? What's happened?

Doors,

Please post...

Doors it soulds like things are very black right now, huge hugs to you. It's a horrible place to be. The only real advice I can give is that all things pass, this difficult time will too. If you are feeling unsafe and might hurt yourself then you can go to A&E and they will help you stay safe. You could also ring Samaritans on 116 123 or email [email protected]. Another contact is the crisis team for your area, the number should be available online or through your local hospital switchboard.

You might not have solutions now, but if you talk it out with someone you may start to see some light. Try the samaritans (you can even send an email if you don't want to talk n person) or your GP or A &E if you are at risk of harm.
Sometimes it's very difficult to see clearly but that doesn't mean you never will. You just need a helping hand right now. Please don't think this is the end of the line. Because it isn't.

I've posted before about what's happened. There's just no hope.

I recognise you now, you've kept going all this time, what is it about today that makes it impossible to carry on?

Because it never changes. It's been like this for a year. I've had antidepressants. I've had CBT. Nothing helps.

Antidepressants are tricky it can take a while to get the right tablets and dosage.

Have you got a CPN you could see?

They've discharged me

I've paid privately for the CBT

I don't want to go to the dr, there's germs there. Lots of them

OP your threads have been getting increasingly blacker as time has gone on. You MUST go back to your GP, ring your hv and be honest, speak to somebody. You're heading to place you've repeatedly said you don't want to go. You need to sort out the trauma around your babies birth, this isn't going to go away by itself. Please take action or ask your husband to take action before you completely breakdown.

However desperate and low you are feeling, know that your children need you and love you dearly. Please remember you are so special to them and you have to get the help you need for their sakes not just yours.

I told the HV when she came for dd's 10 month check. I sat and cried through most of it. She just said oh dear a lot. And told me that we were the only people she knew who missed the rotavirus vaccine and that you should have it because it causes babies to be hospitalised.

I felt worse after I'd seen her tbh

Because you're focusing on that. That is not the real issue, it's just the focus for your anxiety. It's a fairly new vaccine, none of mine had it and they haven't ended up in hospital with the runs.

You need a dedicated appointment to discuss the whole picture and state of your mental health and how close to the edge you are. Write it all down if you have to, use you threads as reference and a timeline of how bad its developed.

No...but some babies do.

The CBT lady said she couldn't treat me because I was too exhausted. She said that it's a physical response to stress rather than an emotional one. She said I needed to get some sleep for long than three hours.

So have you done that?

No because it's impossible

Why?