Feel like I'm at the end of the line

[Throughautomaticdoors]

Just that really. There's nowhere else to go

You are not a drain on everyone, you are ill and need help. Sadly your dh sounds shockingly unsupportive, which makes it all the more important to seek help from your family, and someone needs to bloody put him straight.

Throughautomaticdoors Fri 25-Nov-16 21:56:04
I don't have much family. I don't like to impose on others anyway really, this is my responsibility isn't it?

I believe small children were meant to have whole families around. If I were one of your family I would so want to come and help at least to let you sleep and make a plan - I'd need to know though otherwise I'd feel like an intruder.

Well I'm sorry but your Dh is being a dick.
My Dh used to spend one day, all day, at the weekend on his hobby and the other day eitg3r working or doing DIY. In the end after a few months I had to say something because it's just not fair. And your Dh is being very unfair. It is not unreasonable for him to give up his golf for a year while your baby us little, and then renegotiate equal time off at the weekend. So maybe alternate weekends you each get the chance to swan off.

Incidentally any reason why you don't go along to his mothers with him? They could have the baby while you slept upstairs and got cooked for?

With regards to contacting crisis team the number for your area should be available online, orcthrough your local hospital switchboard. Another option if you don't feel able to leave the house is to ask for a home visit from GP. As its the weekend I would suggest calling 111 and explaining the situation, explain that you don't feel able to leave the house. 111 arranged a home visit from an out of hours GP for my DH for his MH in the past.

As for feeling like a drain on NHS resources firstly have you and DH ever paid tax and national insurance? If so you are paying for the NHS and are definately entitled to use it (I'm not suggesting that people who haven't arn't before someone flames me) and by using it you are a) proving that the service is needed and still needs to exist b) keeping NHS staff in a job and thereby contributing to the ecconomy.

Does your DH realise that you are struggling? Have you told him how bad things really are? Or are you putting a brave face on as you think you should be coping? I find my DH needs to be told how I'm feeling and what I need from him. Remember he's not a mind reader, and he's a Dad now, he needs to step up.

Dh has never been any different. I also have ds (7) and he's never really changed anything in his life to adapt to being a parent. I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times he missed golf on a Saturday since we've been together and certainly since I had the children.
Dd is absolutely full of cold which she's had for nearly a fortnight so I will take the children out for a walk a little later. It's so hard to fit in expressing as well when I have them both on my own.

Yes dh and I are both tax payers, I also feel like why should anyone be interested. What does it matter really in the grand scheme of things that I'm not feeling very good? People have much worse times than me and cope.

No, they don't all cope and everyone deserves help. Many people have a husband/partner and possibly extended family or friends helping, or paid for help.

Well I'm on my own unfortunately

The thing is you asked, "Why should anyone else be interested? People have much worse times than you and cope".
If you contacted someone in your family, they would be interested and maybe come to help you get some rest.

You poor love. This has been going on for so long.

Sorry through I've been offline today.

Crisis team is like an emergency CPN they can prescribe medication via a doctor.

If you type your area and crisis team into google you'll get a number. Their main aim is to treat people at home instead of them ending up in hospital.

This rotavirus thing sounds like your anxiety manifesting itself. Unfortunately nobody can guarantee your DC won't get it. For what it's worth I've been their with a sick child DD was very little she had a nose tube the lot. It would be hard if it happened but it's very unlikely too happen to you.

Are you feeling any better today?

(Just adding I'm not a HCP just a long time mental health patient)

Was it rota your dd had Unborn?

Rota never worried me when I had ds. I'd never really given it any thought. But now it does.

Neonatal flu (I don't know the proper name) She was a thirty weeker we had just had her moved from an incubator to a cot when she came down with it.

Got put back in an incubator and her ng feeding tube had to be put back in (had just got her stabilised on bottles)

I'm not going to lie it was hellish at the time but I just had to push through. It wasn't common she was the only baby out about twenty it happened to.

Thing is no one can stop it happening to their DC whether it be rotavirus or whatever. I think it is quite rare to get to the point your worried about. I've never had health anxiety it sounds like that's what you maybe have.

Kids are tough my DNeice is 1 she took bad a month ago (not rotavirus but don't want to say what with incase it gives you something else to worry about) she ended up with a cannula and monitors. She was discharged after two days stay. They just seem to bounce straight back when their young.

I've focused on RV because I missed the vaccination for various reasons (too late to have now) and so feel responsible.

Having spent last Christmas with dd on a ventilator I really feel I cannot stand one more bad thing to happen to her, even though I know other families have much tougher times when their babies are born. Dd was just prem and once her lungs matured she was largely ok.

What a stressful time for you with your dd Unborn.

All prems are stressful. People don't realise till it happens to them. Explains the anxiety you have. Missing the vac was an accident it does happen no one is a perfect parent and you don't get much support by the sound of it.

I've had a look online and found www.bliss.org.uk/helpline they have an email and number to contact for advice. Talking to someone with more experience or a HCP might help. They offer advice for after you leave the neonatal unit, I imagine health anxiety might be quite a common after effect.

I really would try and see a GP about the anxiety. If your not up to visiting the surgery maybe a phone consultation would be an option.

How old is your dd now Unborn?

The mental health board on here has a thread called Wrist Bitches Reunite. It's a support group I'm not on it myself but they might be able to offer a bit more support and knowledge on health anxiety for you

She's 4 in December. We had a few problems in her first year with breathing problems which I think was down to her being on c-pap twice.

After that nothing apart from the usual childhood bugs. The only thing we've had this year is chicken pox I don't think she's been at the doctors once.

That's encouraging.
I worry being prem will have caused dd to have a poor immune system. She's had a bad cold for a fortnight and can't seem to get rid of it. Ds always bounced back from everything very quickly. It's just made me worry more given that it's only a cold but she hasn't dealt with it brilliantly.

People have much worse times than me and cope.

I have found that the more I've talked to people about my mental health, the more I've realised how many people struggle with their mental health at some points in their lives. There is no shame in asking for help. And it sounds like you have a lot more to cope with than a lot of people who are asking for help. You deserve support to get your mental health back on track, and your kids deserve for their mum to get that support too.

to you

To be honest unless someone can stop my baby catching rotavirus
OP, you have already started so many threads about this and it's really difficult to see your point. In most countries this vaccine is not even heard of. Millions of babies survive into adulthood in Asia, Africa and Eastern Europe without this vaccine. Please try to let it go.

What Anxious said....

It is a sobering fact that a quarter of us will go through depression at some time in our lives...

Of course this place is somewhere where we migrate to when we are going through it... What I find lovely is the way people who are in a bad way extend themselves to help others....

Thank you to everyone who has answered me.
Yes I know I'm obsessed with rotavirus. The CBT lady advised me to distract myself when it comes into my mind... but it's always in my mind and it makes focusing on anything normal very difficult.
I keep coming back to if it wasn't a risk they wouldn't spend money vaccinating would they? So it must be a risk?

I didn't have the vaccine and I'm sure you didn't doors. Your son didn't have it IIRC- we've all survived

You know the RV thing is a symptom of your illness, it was chickenpox before and if it wasn't that it would be something else