Feel like I'm at the end of the line

[Throughautomaticdoors]

Just that really. There's nowhere else to go

I think your at the point were it's time to ring the crisis team OP

Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.

I haven't seen your other posts. Are you a single parent? If so is their anyone who can give you a hand? Even taking the baby for a night so you can start by getting some sleep.

Completely agree with gamer you need a doctor. This won't go away on its own.

It's shit I've been there.

Dd doesn't sleep and I'm still expressing anyway.
I have a husband. He works away a lot but even when here he's never got up with dd once.

Have you considered the crisis team? They can usually report to the doctor and get a prescription. Might be an option if you can't
cope with the doctors surgery.

I don't know if you have had experience with them before or not but they can be very helpful.

I just don't feel like anyone wants to help me.
Perinatal team discharged me and were meant to be referring me for counselling and CBT. That was three months ago and I've heard nothing. I've texted my nurse twice but heard nothing back.
I then paid for CBT at £60 a session and after 6 session she said she couldn't help me.
The HV made it worse.

To be honest unless someone can stop my baby catching rotavirus I don't know how much help they'd be anyway.

Again this isn't about your baby getting a bug that causes the runs. This is how your anxiety is manifesting itself. If your baby had even had the vaccine it would be showing in another way.

You need to see the bigger picture and you can't do that alone.

I can cope with an upset stomach...I cannot cope with fitting, needing an iv or nose tube for fluids and hospital admissions. And weight loss. I just can't.

But you don't know that will happen though. I've had 3, the eldest is 21 and none of them have been admitted to hospital for this sort of thing and they didn't have the vaccine.

Just because something 'could' happen doesn't mean it will and if anything, keeping them in a sterile environment Isn't ideal for developing immune systems.

I understand anxiety, I'm medicated myself. there is help there but it's trial and and error. This doesn't have to be your life. :(

Have you tried the crisis team, I personally haven't had much joy with them but they may be able to point you in the right direction or at least give you some reassurance.

DO you have any family or friends you could telephone to come over and help you?

I don't know how to contact the crisis team or who they are?

I haven't got any friends anymore. I haven't been in contact with them much since having dd and because we don't go out I haven't seen them at all. Besides this is boring for everyone else isn't it? There's nothing anyone can do anyway.

My dd1 didn't sleep more than 45mibs in a row, day or night, until she was about 9 months & when it gradually increased to 2-3 hours. DH never helped at night because he's a grumpy bastard on broken sleep, and we just ended up rowing.
As a result I had crippling anxiety which manifested itself in increasingly bonkers ways. I couldn't drive anywhere as I kept being convinced I'd had a RYA without knowing and so was failing to stop. Etc.
Once she started sleeping better the anxiety gradually reduce - but it does return when I'm sleep deprived.
Dd2 was a bit better sleeper - and ds better again - i actually get 4 hour stretches which feels amazing!
If it is sleep induced - then just one night a week with 8 hours in bed, including one 4 hour stretch, will make all the difference. Just a little bit of help really can reduce that anxiety, in my experience.
So, can anyone have your dd from say 8-12pm one night a week? Every week, but just one night? While you sleep?

Hello Throughautomaticdoors, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly - we really hope things start to look brighter for you soon OP.

I haven't got any friends anymore. I haven't been in contact with them much since having dd and because we don't go out I haven't seen them at all. Besides this is boring for everyone else isn't it? There's nothing anyone can do anyway.

If I were your friend, even if we'd lost touch for a bit, I would be willing to come round for a night and day just so you could sleep for longer than three hours, and then wake up, eat something and make some plans.

It turns out a lot of people aren't really your friends when you basically have a complete breakdown. I've discovered quite a few people I thought were close friends and who I've previously put myself out for actually don't want to know unless the answer to the question 'how are you?' is 'Fine.'

Any family on your side? (Sorry of you've already explained.)

There's 3 possible reasons for that, that o can think of:

1. They're embarrassed and dont know what to say (most probable)
2. They're struggling themselves, so dobt have the "spoons" themselves to spare
3. They're cunts and not your friends.

Case 1 - you need to explicitly tell them what you need.
Case 2 - could work out mutual support.
Both these involve open discussion.

Casec3 - better off without them.

I don't have much family. I don't like to impose on others anyway really, this is my responsibility isn't it?

Takes a village to raise a child. Start your own village? Maybe think of it as an IOU for when they have children?
Bottom line is, for you and your child, you need sleep. X

I know how hard it is though. I didn't ask anyone for help, and I think that cost us. My mental health and as a result my bond with dd1.

Right ds seems to finally be asleep now so I need to sleep as well! I will check in if I remember during the various night feeds hope you get some sleep op x

Please ask your family for help. Your mental health and caring for dd are their responsibility too. I supported my dd through a similar situation when she had her dd. I'm so glad she asked me for help rather than struggling alone. All the best

doors sorry you're feeling so terrible. You aren't imposing on people. Please do consider the Samaritans or the crisis team.
I think sometimes friends can feel awkward and don't know how to help. It doesn't mean they don't care about you.
Re the antidepressants, I've read that antidepressants only actually work well for about 40% of people. A further 20% can be helped by rejigging the dose or trying different combinations. They just don't work as effectively for some people. This doesn't mean you can't be helped, it means you need to stress to your health care providers that the solutions they tried haven't worked yet.
Don't give up. Well done for being brave enough to ask for help.

I feel like I'm a drain on everyone. My family, any remaining friends, the NHS... and really what difference does it make? Who really cares about one person? There are billions of them.

That's a real hallmark of depression. This isn't you, this is happening to you.
Does your DH know how bad things are for you?

I don't know. I barely see him. He works away about half the time and when he is here he plays golf all day in a Saturday and often a Friday evening and Sunday morning he goes out for a run and then goes to his mum's for the rest of that day.
I think we've had maybe one conversation this week about anything.

OP, many of us have been where you are now, and (like most of us) you won't believe me, but you WILL get better. It's impossible to see the wood for the trees when you feel like this. I know that's not helpful on a practical level, but just wanted you to know that people understand and are here.