Everyone is crying

[CrazyGreyhoundLady]

Just need to tell someone, anyone how I'm feeling.
My three and a half week old daughter has been breast feeding almost continually for the last 36 hours, had about four hours (not in a block) where she hasn't been on the breast. She's even been sleeping on the breast but crying the second I take it from her mouth. So I cant put her down, sleep, eat, anything because she cries.

Now my dog has started crying because her dad shouted because he is fed up and angry because I wont give DD a dummy (really don't want to). Its already killing me to give her 3 bottles of formula (she usually sleeps away from me for 60-90 mins after she's had one hence why I have been giving them her)

She's healthy, lots of wet nappies, gaining weight but has reflux so is on infant Gaviscon 3 times a day (this is the other reason for the bottles, only way she will accept the gaviscon) and now she's only pooping once a day. Huge poop doctor said not to worry and keep up as we are. There's tons of milk because even when she has finished feeding and I try expressing I can get a lot out, never actually managed to empty the breast? Feeding support worker said I just have a large supple and am fast at replenishing?
Just made up her bottle and she cried the whole time I was making it, ddog has been crying for the last half hour because of dp shouting. I have fairly bad post natal, saw doctor and on lofepramine along with ptsd caused by traumatic experience with dd1 and her following death. Keep having flashbacks. Supposed to be under the perinatal mental health team, they saw me for an assessment while I was pregnant and said I needed support but haven't spoken to me since apart from 5 mins on the phone last week when I had my doctors appointment. Struggling with thoughts of SH, used to have issues with this.

DD has just finished her bottle and now wants back on the breast, just cant stop crying, feel like an awful mom. I know she is gaining weight so she must be getting enough milk but the constant feeding is now making me doubt myself. Feel so lost and alone. I love her so much I just want her to be happy

Sorry for the rant just needed to let it out somewhere.

Had a really good afternoon/evening. Did a bit of food shopping and then DP called me because he had made plans for us, ended up having a meal in the local pub together. Was really nice for him to think of it and to be a bit more normal plus no cooking/washing up!

Last night was a bit rough, she didn't want to sleep but she slept a lot of this morning so I have slept with her as much as I can.

Still no news from the MH team, have phoned my doctor to let him know as he asked so we will see what he can do. In honesty I didn't expect them to bother so no surprise there, there's always someone who needs the help more urgently.

anxious it's strange how the people we love can be cause and cure in a way isn't it?
I will definitely give the carer team another call and see if there is anything they can do to help. I know when they decided I was doing 86 hours plus I was also holding down a 30 hour a week job so I don't know if they will just say that because I am now at home all the time I should be able to do more I know that is how several people who I've asked for help from feel.

It's so disappointing how people can respond badly when you ask for help. My SIL has a seven week old baby, and has barely left the house from what I can tell. She has a hard working DH who looks after them both. Everyone arranges themselves around the new mum and PFB, and quite right too if it can be managed.
You deserve help and looking after too, OP. I hope you find someone.

So glad things have got a bit easier, and lovely that DH took you out for a meal. Like I said not had a carers assessment, so not sure what they will come up with, hope theres something available, even if it was someone to do a couple of hours cleaning a week it would make such a difference! Is DH entitled to PIP? If so thats the kind of thing it could be used for, if you are not already using it for essentials.

Lovely update - great to hear that you had a good time. Sorry that the MH team haven't responded yet, hope your doctor can chase them.

Doctor phoned me just as the surgery closed, the MH team haven't contacted him and he wanted to see if they had contacted me of course they didn't
He's going to phone them again tomorrow as they wouldn't answer the phones this afternoon no one has ever got an answer, even doctor just got an email response from them not an answered phone or phonecall apparently the lead doctor in the surgery is also trying to contact them, The answer phone is annoyingly chirpy He is fairly insistent that if they won't help he wants me to go to a&e for an urgent assessment so that I don't have to wait for 6-9 months for the normal team. he also doesn't think the normal MH teams will be as effective as perinatal team because of the issues I'm having Don't really know how I'm expected to go sit in a&e for 12+ hours 20 miles from home with a newborn.

pklme congratulations on your new nephew/niece! :)

anxious hoping they can offer some help, I've left them a voicemail because there was no answer on the phone so will see if they call me back. DP got rejected for PIP because we requested they come to the house for the assessment instead of him going to the assessment centre as he couldn't cope with going. They put it down as a refusal of assessment or some rubbish?

Oh I'm sorry. You're doing really well under all this you really are. These can be some of the hardest times. Truly. Don't feel bad about dummy's. All three of my kids got them. The last one I gave it as soon as child was born. Not that my child wanted it. But I needed my child to take it because by then (child no3) I knew what was coming.
So don't feel bad ever.
My first one didn't BF for long. I lasted 4 weeks and then gave up. Second two kids I breastfed till about 18 mths. It's just different. There's no right way to do this. Be ok with your choices. Do all that you can to get plenty and rest and sleep. That's what will help you last the distance.
Also be sure to see someone to help you with MH issues. I had that too (I didn't have the death to work through) but I got through with support.

Ps it's great to see you and your partner had a meal out. Perfect. Do this again when you need to.

The dummy really helps, I have to admit it makes such a difference I can't regret it. I'm combination feeding, it seems to work best for us both in regards to her not being hungry and latched on 22 hours a day and me not being in pain. Plus its the easiest way to get the Gaviscon into her and she still gets breast milk.
I'm trying to get the MH help, just don't really know how anymore if even the doctors can't get me the help.
We definitely will try :)

Glad things are getting easier for you greyhound The MH team sound a nightmare! If they won't respond to your GP or practice manager not sure what you can do! Just worth double checking the number with the local hospital switchboard or online. I left multiple desperate messages on a crisis team number to eventually do this and find it was an old number that still had their voicemail message on and they had not got any of my messages!!

I had the exact same thought but the number is definitely correct because they emailed the practise manager back in response to one of his phone calls.
Doctor told me today my first referral was made in June, since then it has been put through again by two other gps a midwife and two health workers...6 referrals in around 4 months, and all we have in response is an email to the GP saying I will be discussed in a meeting.
WIBU to make a complaint to PALS in an attempt to get a response? Is there any chance that might get me some help?

Struggling tonight, she wont settle, keeps crying and scrunching her face up like she's in pain. Wish she could tell me what was wrong so I had an idea how to help

Oh Hun, completely sympathise, those first few days weeks breastfeeding are so hard! Baby just wants to be constantly attached and it is difficult. Firstly, you are not a bad mum if you give her the odd bottle of formula here or there, if she sleeps a bit longer and it allows you to eat, the odd one won't do any harm.

Your DP must be so stressed and worried about you he is taking it out on the dog and now with her crying it must be chaos in your house!

Don't be afraid to ask for help, if you need the mental health team for extra support, ring them, don't wait for them to contact you. And anyone else for that matter, if you reach out I'm sure people will be more than willing to help. Why not ask DP to take DD for a little stroll in the pushchair for half an hour and have a cuppa and relax, you will feel much closer more relaxed.

Finally you are doing a fab job, us mummies are far to hard on ourselves at times, just keep doing what your doing and it will get easier. Sending massive hugs your way.

I hope she settled a bit over night.

If she is windy, then she may like a bit of pressure on her tummy- lying over your knees while you rub her back.

Or when she is on her back try holding her calves and guiding her legs so her knees come to her chest then straightening her again. Do it several times. It may help ease the wind.

Also, holding her against you supporting the top half of her, but letting her lower half stretch out down your body.

Some babies do get very windy and don't like it, so they grizzle and cry.

I think PALS is a good idea greyhound working i health I know that a PALS complaint does often kick people into action. I do also know that when your service is already stretched to the max there may not be much they can change in the short term in response to the complaint, but in the longer term, complaints do give them evidence to secure better funding and improve the service. I think a PALS complaint is more likely to get the desired response than going to A&E to be honest.

Had a rough night last night and today wasn't much better but she seems to be sleeping a little tonight all be it on me. Whimpering a little in her sleep after a feed but because she's asleep I don't really know what I can do to help without waking her.

hunan The combination feeding seems to be working better than ebf for us, its nice to have that relief and gives dp to do some feeds.
DP shouted at me over the dummy when I was upset and being irrational the lovely replies here convinced me IWBU ddog is just incredibly sensitive, he gets upset when I'm upset so when do shouted when I was already crying he immediately became distressed. DP did give him cuddles later and he is calmer now dp is calmer.
I have been ringing MH team and doctors constantly certainly not just waiting but I can't seem to get a response off them other than that they will discuss it and get back to me. Other than that I don't have anyone who can give help at home though I have been asking. DP has been giving her her bottle to give me a little extra time between feeds when she has her bottle.

pklme Will definitely try the holding her against me and letting her stretch out. She constantly pulls her knees up against her belly which is one of the reasons I took her to the doctors when they diagnosed the reflux and she absolutely hates being on her tummy. Keep trying for very small periods of time tummy time recommended by hv but she begins to get very upset within about 2 minutes so that doesn't last if she gets used to tummy time I'll try placing her over my leg like you suggested.

Anxious I gave them a ring this afternoon after my doctors rang and said they had no luck getting through to the team again and they are going to look into what's going on. They said their first issue is the lack of answer on the phones and lack of response to voicemails. The woman I spoke to said she can understand sometimes services are understaffed for the quantity of people who need them but that that isn't an excuse for not letting people who are waiting know what's going on. Also there was concern that a perinatal mh team are only available during pregnancy and for a year after so four months waiting is unexpected for that service.
Tbf I don't want to go to A&E for lots of reasons a big one being that it feels like a waste of their time and money! Also IME they can only do a crisis team referral or a MH team referral so I don't see how being referred again will help.

Sounds like a positive conversation with PALS greyhound I was also thinking A&E will likely only be able to access crisis team who will then just refer you on. Obviously in an emergency thats what is needed, but not sure how helpful it would be in terms of speeding up referal.

Had a rough night last night but my family drove for the 2.5 hours it takes them to get here and visited me for the afternoon, didn't leave till late. It was nice to have a bit of a break and see them. Plus little one stayed awake most of the afternoon babbling and cooing to my parents so she is sleeping pretty well tonight (obviously intermingled with feeds)
Feel a bit more positive for having had the company and some sleep. Also maybe the tablets have started working? I received my MH team letter today aswell which is a weight off my mind, sounds stupid but knowing that help is in place is actually a massive help in itself, I think knowing that there is actually support there if I take a spectacular nose dive again is calming.

Can't thank everyone who replied to me enough, all you lovely mumsnet people really really have helped me and some of the advice has been so amazingly useful! Thank you

to you greyhound glad you have finally heard from MH team, hope things contine to improve.

Hope all is still well Greyhound. Great to read another positive update from you.

Had another hospital appointment for her. All is well, results came back all clear but my MH took a swan dive whilst in the children's hospital. Doesn't help she's back to only sleeping for an hour three-four times a day again. Doctors say there's nothing wrong but she's hardly sleping at all which is worrying me whatever they say. I know I should just trust them but after the medical failings that killed my first born I can't stop panicking. ridiculous cuz this hospital are amazing
Might be TMI but suddenly having stomach pains and bleeding aswell. I'm around a month post section so I don't know if it's my first period or something wrong. paranoid new mum just keep telling myself it's my period and trying to think of something else.
Struggling to eat and drink last couple of days, just like there's a huge wright sat on me stopping me. So annoyed after I was so much better to be back like this. It's utterly ridiculous!

Sorry for the super long rant

Oh my love it's so so hard, my DS was like that, constantly attached to me, I was struggling with PND & really finding it overwhelming.
I can honestly say that giving him a dummy saved us, he was more settled, some babies just like to suck for comfort. I still breastfed till he was 2 so didn't have any effect.
Be kind to yourself & hopefully things will ease for you soon.

My health visitor has come out, she was so lovely I'm glad I requested a change. She's sending the breast feeding support worker out tomorrow to see if they can get a breast pump to work on me so that I can give her expressed milk in her bottles instead of formula. Would make me happier and mean she could have more bottles without me worrying about her. Plus means we can monitor what she is eating as her weight gain has slowed right down again. Thankfully the HV is still 100% going by what I am happy with and kept asking me if I was happy and what I thought. First one just asked me to switch to formula which terrified me as she doesn't tolerate it as well as BM.

Thinking about maybe exclusively feeding expressed breast milk if the pump works to give me a break as she is grazing. HV took one look at her feeding today and explained that's why she is attached all the time. She is feeding for five minutes falling asleep or wanting to play then feeding for five etc for two to three hours at a time where as with her bottle she takes it all then sleeps or sits happily gurgling away. Would also mean she can have a feed thickener to help with her reflux as the Gaviscon makes her constipated which unsettles her.

Had a horrid conversation with someone today who asked how old she is whether she was my first etc. It came up that this is my second baby via section and she replied with "oh so you aren't really a mom to either of them." I just burst into tears and walked off. I am so angry at her but at the time I couldn't think of a reply. Both my babies were planned for natural births, I ended having to have an emergency section with my first and they booked me in for an ELCS one week before little one was born because of sudden growth this time round. Plus my baby came from within my body, if I hadn't given birth one way or another she would still be in there!!! Its like the people down the baby isle in supermarkets who judge you for buying formula. Just makes me wanna shout STFU.

The fuck!?! Why would anyone say anything so awful?

Leaving aside rude ignorant fuckwits it sounds a mixed bag for you recently It's great that your DD is healthy though I can only imagine how hard it must be to allow yourself to believe it and trust the doctors.

The new HV sounds lots better, what a relief. Changing to expressing sounds a good way forward though you must get an electric pump - I think you can hire them.

Hope DP and the dogs are getting on ok too

Hugs greyhound you are most definately a 'propper' mum to both your babies. Glad you are finding this health visitor better.

Have you considered self referring to IAPT for some help with your PTSD? As you are a new mum you would be extremely high up the priority list. Doesn't help in this immediate crisis but sometimes knowing you are going to access some care soon can at least provide some hope.