Wrists Bitches unite

[WristBoundLatexBitch]

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Evening - any room for a newbie?

I've suffered from anxiety for most of my life. An alcoholic parent causing all sorts of issues for us made for an interesting childhood.

I was diagnosed with depression around 12 years ago and I had huge panic attacks. I was on meds for a short time and came off them. The panic attacks stopped.

I think I've also had PND but not officially as I didn't want to talk about it as the HV was a friend of a friend and I couldn't bring myself to ask for help.

I spend most of my life feeling nauseous and anxious. I over analyse everything. Everything. I really am my own worst enemy. I go from being warm and friendly to completely withdrawing. People who don't know me Eg parents on the playground probably think I'm weird. I think I'm weird so it's no wonder. I worry about everything. So much worry going on in my head.

I probably should go to the doctors but I'm not sure what I'm asking for or if I even want help.

Self diagnosis, via the internet which I know is not advised, leans towards BPD. I have lows but not so low I can't function. I have children so have to look after them. I guess they keep Me going whilst simultaneously stressing me to the end of my tether. I also have highs but not manic OTT ones. Lately I've been isolating myself a lot. I enjoy my own company but it's also a self preservation/protection mechanism. Self protecting from what I'm not really sure tbh.

Enough of my rambling. I'd really like to talk to others who "get" me.

Hi Lulu,

Welcome, talking to your GP sounds like a good start. You could print out what you've written here as a starting point.

Haha if only I was dining. I knew I'd crash

Let me explain. When I'm good one of my things I enjoy is reading. At the moment I'm struggling. I'm trying to pick up a book magazine anything but my attention span is less than my 3 year olds right now and my head is a mess

And I'm feeling crap after parents evening 4 children so close is hard with you have no one

I'm feeling older and wiser now, I wish I could go back to young me and warn myself. I wouldn't change my kids for the world let me say but maybe other factors

Electronic life is crap isn't it. How old are your little ones

I think I'd be better off if my husband left, but how would I tell him and where would he go!!, all these years later I feel we are not compatible

I can resist it.
Indeed I am happy to not drink at times.. The problem I have is having "just one". A second follows all too easily then a fifth. I don't sleep as well and of course it costs a lot.

I generally don't drink at all -cos I find it hard to resist once I start and I know I'll come to rely on it.
I used to work with an alcoholic. I used to go drinking in the afternoon with her in a bar - I only had a drink or two. One day we were late leaving - I got super ratty and found myself heading to the booze cupboard to have a swig of vodka out the bottle to 'calm me down'....it was a wake up call.
She was constantly trying to stop on her GPs advice -it was killing her. When she had stopped she couldn't even have a glass of bubbly for someone's birthday - or even eat something like Christmas pud with booze in it. And thought I would find that really hard -so better not to get hooked in the first place. I guess I'm scared of drinking - especially on my own, not occasionally socially.

Welcome Lulu, hope you find some support/entertainment here!

Alcohol... I used to binge drink when I was younger, with times when I would get drunk at home alone, playing my computer games :P Now I have a glass of Pimms now and then, but don't get drunk (both because of so many medications, and because of toddler + hangover = fail).

We're going to Peppa Pig World tomorrow! And on Sunday going to a family dinner. Busy busy. Taking it easy today so I have energy enough for the weekend :)

Electronic I hope your little one will stop being so clingy soon, it's difficult in those phases!

Oh purple let us know how peppa world is.my dp wanted go there as lil zoo was a big fan,but he couldn't do it by self and I wasn't well enough handle the trip. She's just had 9th birthday,so too old now,but I still secretly like it when peppa come on tv((saddo))
On the drink front I never found anything that floated my boat.good thing really as I tend crutch on sugar so I'd be disaster zone if I liked anything.....

Hi All,

latex good to see you back here, sorry to hear you are crashing. Do you ferl this way about DH all the time or just when you are low?

electronic is there any chance of going back to uni when your lo is older? I work in a proffesion allied to medicine and we get a lot of mature students with kids coming through.

purple that sounds like a fun day out

I don't really drink these days, had a mad year at uni, then relised I didn't enjoy being drunk and had more fun sober.

Went for a coffee with a friend this morning and had cuddles with her baby then pilates, nipped into work and sorted a few quick jobs that were stressing me yesterday, now got appointment with CPN. Good day all in all.

Thank you for the welcome.

I'm a terrible lightweight plus an alcoholic parent put me right off. I guess there was always the danger I could follow suit and use it as an emotional crutch. My sibling is pretty much teetotal at least this was the case years ago and I can't imagine much changing there.

I've spent most of the day feeling rough. Anxious rough. Not much appetite.

Anxious that sounds like a decent day.

Loads fireworks go off here tonight.really loud banging ones.my cats normally don't like be in at night,but are very fretful.making me but jumpy they that close and loud, so a little warm furry body smuggling up to me most welcome,and bit soothing

I've had a good (ish) day too!!! After really struggling yesterday after DP upset me the day before I managed to pull it together today - and I am feeling proud of myself.
Managed to do something for work that I have been putting off for months ...then got on a roll and did two other work things.
Also spent over an hour on the phone to microsoft (in the US - thankfully they phoned me) - unsuccessfully sorting out an ongoing email problem (they have locked me out of one of my accounts) ...but still I managed to keep calm and not give up and hopefully it is on the way to be sorted now...(I know before I would have left it and it would be hanging over me...)
Still have something to do I've been putting off since June....if I hadn't been tied up so long on the phone I might have even made a start on that.
Still got a thousand and one things to do and get panicky if I think about it but the house is tidyish and I am taking fairy steps forward.
latex I feel like that about DP a lot - I really don't believe we would still be together if it wasn't for DCs..
electronic I have a doctorate ...started it when pregnant with DC1 (accident) but I am still more or less unemployable now - for jobs I could do I think it is a disadvantage... would leave it off my cv.
However I did do it as a mature student - I did my A levels in my late 20s, then an undergraduate then a post grad - long story but I had to give up cos of DCs and DPs working hours and now I have had a career break -which was the kiss of death. But you could do it when your DCs are older and then not need to have the break. It can be an advantage - I did my undergraduate at a really good uni -one of the best in the UK - with only 2 A levels. They make allowances and want mature students...I don't think I would have got in at 18...

Sorry to hear that Lulu I have those days too.

zoo hopefully the fireworks are finished for tonight, my cats have been in most of the evening too but I suspect that was more to do with the rain. They are very theraputic arn't they.

cracking glad you had a good day too.

I had a good meeting with CPN. Gave me a helpful explaination about PTSD and how its a normal response to trauma rather than a mental illness. Also explained more about the family therapy we are starting next week.

Beautiful sunny morning here. Been to gym, fell over and hurt my fingers . Think I'll live though. Had crazy dreams last night about my maternal grandparents (both long dead) wonder if its the mirtazapine. DH still asleep, got shopping to do but phone battery is dead and don't want him to pannic if he wakes up and can't get hold of me again. Also want to go swimming but DH said he wanted to come too today.

anxious glad meet cpn went well.well done on be so active!!
I've really struggle do anything at all today,exhausted n depressed
I made decision try cook hot food at lunch as kids had cereal 2nights running.I figured at least if I get 4pm n all gumptions abandon me they've eaten something half decent.it was only rice with frozen green veggies and bit butter and tuna(dd2 veggie n she had it with cheese and frozrn broad beans,but am pleased they've eaten something bit more nourishing and had apples after.
Might try crack open colouring book again in a bit.I slept in late and had a nap and I could still sleep,even though my heads bit foggy.thing is might not sleep tonight I do that
It was lovely And sunny here,but lookalike go rain now, very dark abandons idea go out short walk as kids won't want to and CBA fight over it

Our house is noisy today. We are all out for fireworks later and I'm anxious about it. No idea why. I am always anxious about going out in the evenings.

Zoo, lunch sounds good, my mums go to easy meal was noodles with tuna and sweetcorn. Used to have that 2 or 3 tines a week.

Lulu hope you enjoy the fireworks. We were planning on going out, but have decided to stay in.

Managed to go to supermarket on my own today. Walked round in a blur concentration not good but not too much anxiety.

Hello ladies :)

How are you all today? Hope you've been enjoying the fireworks if you can. We went to Peppa Pig World, and it was bloody freezing! Had a good time though, and then went for dinner at a pub. Amazingly I was able to eat my whole meal, without freaking out that I would choke (which I do most meals at the moment.. hope I will lose some weight at least).

Even had ice cream :) And then I felt sick on the whole 1 hour drive home, for no reason. Now I have made Norwegian "gingerbread" dough to rest in the fridge for tomorrow!

Can't get warm now though. Brrr...

Fireworks were the best I have ever seen. Children got too cold so didn't hang around after. Glad I went.

I often wander round supermarkets in a mental fog. I remember when my depression and anxiety was really bad that I felt like I was gave an out of body experience in supermarkets or out with friends. I knew I was there but it was as though the real me was looking down on physical me?