When does it count as being suicidal?

[cantdothisanymore]

I don't want to panic anyone but I am wondering at what stage you are classed as suicidal.

CDTAM, I have had exactly the same feelings for the past 3 years (probably a lot longer if we are being honest) to the extent wher i begged dh to take the kids out new years eve as i was so convinced that i didnt want to be here anymore. I took a box of about 150 various painkillers up to my bedroom with a bottle of vodka and locked the door.

There was 2 things that stopped me going thru with it

1. Either of ds's finding me, didnt want them to live with that burden
2. Dh explaining to ds' why they wouldnt see mummy anymore.

I still have feeling now that i dont want to be here and honstly think that they wont go away, but i do believe its all to do with how you have to cope with them. When i have 'dark' days i literally take 1 hour at a time.

If you want to chat then email me
[email protected]

I have been thru exactly the same that you have, and suicide is never the answer.

DS is under 2, Bugsy. Really, I do appreciate your offer, it's very sweet. Thank you.

I don't want to say much because I'm a regular and no-one really knows about this.

wurlywurly, the only thing stopping me are the 2 things you mentioned. It's not much of a legacy to leave a child is it? I don't want DS to have to live with that. But if it were an 'accident' then it would be different.

Thanks for your understanding.

Yeah, I'm still here...

Oh Jules, I'm sorry. It must be awful for you. I know it's really hard to see someone very depressed. I'm glad he told you. I hope your dad is getting lots of help and support.

I've been through this before but I don't remember it being as hard as this. I didn't have DS then though so maybe there was less guilt and worry. If I do anything now, there are serious repercussions (sp?) for DS. But then again he will have to live with a depressed mother which may be worse. If I weren't here, he'd get over it and would be able to lead a happy peaceful life without me dragging him down.

It just hurts to be here. Every day is such a struggle. I have no future and no purpose.

ps I'm not the slightest bit bothered about spelling etc - I can't type either!

I would love to be a therapist. I just wouldn't make a good one as I can't even get through a day myself without thinking terrible thoughts.

I know, it's just so difficult to see things being any better than they are now. I just don't think they can be. I know that's part of depression but I'm finding it hard to be rational.

I don't know if I am suicidal and if I need to get help. I don't know if I should just sit here and ride this out.

My mind keeps wandering to the bathroom cabinet, wondering what I have and how much I need to take. But I know I don't actually want to do anything. I just don't want to be here.

I'm babbling. I'm sure this doesn't make any sense, I have so many thoughts whizzing round in my head, it's hard to get them out...

Thank you for listening to me. Please don't feel that you have to sit here and read this. You should be in bed.

"it is scary as sometimes i quite liked it, like it was my friend, like it made me feel alive... weird but true"

That's it though, I think part of me is enjoying this. I quite liked googling and trying to work out what I could do. I feel like this is the only thing I have. It is who I am. And I don't like that.

I do want to beat this but it'll only come back. I can't keep going through this.

I've felt like this on and off for days now. I don't feel right. I shouldn't be thinking about how I would end it all when I'm with DS. And then, I realise how selfish it is and wonder what I should do with him...

Poor you.
I know how you feel, i've battled with depression for years.
It really is awful once it gets a hold of you.
Can i do anything to help?
What area are you in?

Thanks for sharing your story...

This has been going on for weeks just gradually getting worse. Probably for months in fact, but I ignored it and put on a brave face and pretended I was ok. I have a lot going on at the moment (I can't really say much about that) and it's all too much.

It happened before, when I was in my late teens - pressure of school, stuff that happened in my childhood. I too went through a funny hippy/ goth stage! I took an overdose when it all got too much. I was calm about it, not worried or frightened. It was obviously unsucessful and, having reserached it on the internet, I now realise was doomed to fail. I didn't have therapy or anything, just moved on. Got a new life. Now it has all gone.

I just want this all to go away.