Struggling with body memory

[poppetiwasbackthen]

That's it really. I'm struggling. Really struggling with 'body memory'. Any advice? Does anyone else ( survivor of abuse) find this hard to rationalise and hard to bear?

Hi poppetiwasbackthen

Do you have support to help you to work through this? What have you tried so far? I am not so sure that one needs to rationalise these things. Bear it, yes, but rationalise it? I am not so convinced. I tend to find that any attempt to rationalise these types of memories gets tangled up with feeling that someone else is trying to deny what I experienced. Depends what you mean by rationalise it I suppose.

There is a book about this which I have never read so cannot recommend, but I like the name of it, I found the name of the book helped me to understand why I have such strong physical reactions to certain situations.

Not sure that that helps much; sending

Hi erinaceus,
Thanks for your reply. I suppose by rationalise I mean that I am looking to 'explain away ' a physical sensation that confuses me. Memories triggering feelings like that disturbs me and makes me feel very down and ashamed. I have had counseling but never was able to discuss that. My therapist once brought up the subject of body memory but I felt defensive and angry.
I guess I have some work to do.
I am on the waiting list for counseling with the charity Rasaac.
Thank you for the book recommendation.

Hi poppetiwasbackthen

Getting to the point where you can talk about these feelings in therapy is such, such hard work. I am in the process in terms of therapy and I recognise some of what you are saying. It sounds as if Rasaac are a specialist organisation, so you might find that the therapists or counsellors who work with them are better able to help you to acknowledge and contain these feelings.

One thing I found was that it is important that I believe that the therapist I am working with can handle these difficult feelings even if I do not feel able to. Another way is to talk around the feelings, and why they are so difficult to talk about, for example to be able to explain "when you bring up that topic I feel defensive and angry". It took me a long time to even learn the names of the feelings though. It has been a long process for me.

It is a bit pot calling the kettle black as it is easy to avoid, avoid, avoid in therapy and I do have a tendency to do either that or to go too quickly and then fall over.

To be clear, I have never read the book. I just liked the name of it because I felt as if it validated what I think I had come to realise, that these strange physical sensations and emotional reactions have a basis in something very real.

Sending

I'm just so tired of therapy. Sometimes I feel what is the bloody point. It's not like I can change what happened. Sometimes I feel that I can't be fixed. Ever. I will give the specialist counseling a go but it's with a heavy heart. Thanks for your support. Good luck and all the best to you , erinaceus

I hear you poppet.

I am not so much tired of therapy as bored of it, sometimes. I changed tack and instead of talking therapy I do more creative type of therapy, and approaches that work around the recovery model. This seems to be going better for me at the moment. I am not sure that in my case there is fixing that can be done but there is moving forward and that can happen.

I hope you find a little support in knowing that you are not alone.

erinaceus, thank you again. Your reply helps me and there is much support in knowing I am not alone. I am glad things are going better for you at the moment. You are right. Moving forward is possible. there are going to be lows but there can be good times too. All the best to you.