Loyalty to work or go off sick with depression?

[willowcatkin111]

Work is the only thing keeping me going at the moment but on past experience it won't last and the fall will be big. I am on a short term contract to cover a gap (another 5 months to go) and want try and stay the course. Work are great and I am generally ok when I am there (distraction big time) but then just spend evenings / weekends in bed to ward off the suicidal urges.
I have given up on CMHT, GP etc and am carrying on on my own. I know it cannot last but do not want to let work down and realistically it would mean time off if I re-engage with medics
Not sure what to do for the best

If it is the only thing keeping you going, sounds obvious that you should carry on going to work.
dont give up on your GP, CMHT though.

what do close friends and family think? its hard to judge from a short post. also being off sick is not disloyal. work will dump you when they need to so dont make yourself ill on this premise

Do your work have an occipational health department? You could contact them and explain your situation to them. Their job is to help you ballance your work and health needs. They may also recommend that you are alowed time off for CMHT and GP appointments to help you stay well enough for work. Thats what my DHs did for him and he was on a temporary contract too, so its worth investigating.

I think work would be considered a "protective factor" it's giving you structure and routine and distracting you from your thoughts

I second AnxiousCarer's comment.

My employer's occupational health department have been supportive both when I stayed in work (like I am at the moment) and when I did not (last year I was off for a bit). My line management have not been as understanding as I would have liked them to be, but occupational health have helped me to work out what is reasonable and what is not when it comes to staying at work vs being off work.

If your work does not have an OH department, HR might be able to help, but this varies hugely by employer, or so I hear from others.

Thanks all. Sadly we don't have an OH dept and HR is the boss's secretary. My boss is great which is why I feel guilty about letting them down.
I think I do need to accept a different balance - atm I am using work as an excuse not to deal with my MH which just means it is getting worse.
They could manage with me doing fewer hours so I need to explore that altho I also need to balance that with the associated costs of working - all at a time when all I actually want to do is stay in bed all day

willow accepting that I needed to slow things down was so, so hard for me. I felt as if I was letting other people down, sometimes badly, and sometimes I was indeed letting them down, and I did not want to use my worsening mental health as any sort of excuse. I decided to change a few things in terms of work-life balance type stuff and I feel more in control now. You could try whatever you need to do: shorter days, fewer days, whatever. You could always suggest a trial period of a different working pattern and then review it after a few months, or something like that? If your employer are prepared to work with you and not against you, then you might be able to come to some agreement, even if it is only for a few months or a year. I had to accept as well that a lot of the pressure that I put on myself does come from me and not anyone else, to sort of change my perspective.

ACAS can be helpful in helping you to determine what are and what are not the "reasonable adjustments" to which you are entitled if you have a mental health condition. I always felt that it was important to be reasonable because, as I once said to my line management, "being in work keeps me steady, but [employer] is not a crèche."