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Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

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Original poster

To think my family is better of without me?

61 replies

TerriHatchet · 30/05/2016 19:22

Posted a few days ago about my pnd. Cried all day today and even thought about running away and starting a new life , my dd and Dp would be happier without me. I am a rubbish mum and even worse partner.

OP posts:

FannyFifer · 30/05/2016 20:23

Ok practical things first, where is DP, can he take over with DD?

tattyteddy · 30/05/2016 20:32

OP, PND is awful and is an illness. Please go and see your GP and see if they can get you some help.

You need a break can someone else help with DD?

I've had PND and sometimes felt like you that running away was the only answer, but I promise it does get better. I have used a website call head space to do 10 mins of meditation a day, this helps me lots.

I hope you feel better soon and can access some help

MNHQ

IonaMumsnet · 30/05/2016 20:32

Evening all, and OP. We're going to move this thread to our Mental Health topic in a moment. Hope all is OK, OP. Best wishes to you and your family.

TheDisreputableDog · 30/05/2016 20:48

It's so hard when they are poorly and it's in no way your fault that she's poorly. The people she will need most in the world are her Mummy & Daddy for cuddles. Give yourself a break, it sounds like you've had a really rough day. Have a cup of tea (chocolate?) and give your DP a hug. As others have said you must talk to someone in RL.
Tomorrow WILL be better

Original poster

TerriHatchet · 30/05/2016 22:15

Dp has poured me a wee cider and I have my soaps on now that dd is in bed sound asleep. I hope she has a 24 hr thing I just can't face another day of cleaning up vomit
Feeling a bit calmer now all my tidying is down and all my washing put away finally. Thank you for all the words of support, nothing helps more than knowing other people have been through this and come through the other side better. for you all

OP posts:

CharlotteCollins · 30/05/2016 22:58

Glad you had a bit of quiet this evening. Hope DD is better soon.

If you feel you can't face another day, just concentrate on getting through an hour at a time. Five minutes if that's more manageable!

SuckingEggs · 30/05/2016 23:02

Oh, sweetheart. These days are so long, but they pass. Take any chance you can to rest. Get shopping delivered etc, until she's better.

Sounds like your DP is helping. Do tell him how you feel. And we are always here - many of us know how you feel.

Original poster

TerriHatchet · 30/05/2016 23:26

I just feel so guilty for letting things get so bad. I feel sick at the thought of talking to my GP, I don't even know what I would say.
Dp is good but I honesty don't think he gets it. He doesn't worry about anything, he doesn't understand what it's like to be so stressed and anxious and I always find it difficult to explain to him how I feel.

OP posts:

nagsandovalballs · 31/05/2016 00:18

If you can face it, Try writing it down - first for yourself:

Your concerns about how you feel
Your concerns about running the house
Your concerns about your relationship
Your concerns about your parenting

Be very specific - not general 'I'm a crap mum', but specific - 'she cries twice a day'; not 'I'm a shit housekeeper' but 'I need to do two loads of washing per day/week'. Also, for every stick you beat yourself with, come up with a positive - eg 'my DC laughed three times today' 'DC crawled to door', 'I wiped a kitchen surface'

This will hopefully do a few things:

If you share the specifics on here, I bet you will get lots of posters saying 'oh god, my DC cried for 18hrs out of 24' or 'don't worry, I have a clothes mountain that isn't washing itself'. This might give you some comfort

It will allow you to fix practical things that are fixable (e.g. get dp to do one load of washing. You do the other)

Most importantly, You can share your specific concerns with the doctor and they can help you with your Pnd, which is such a common mental health affliction but manifests in v individual concerns/fears.

If you actually start itemising negatives and positives, it acts as a form of cbt (cognitive behaviour therapy) that starts to challenge your brain's generalised panic/fear/anxiety/depression

But above all, please see your doctor, with or without a list of your concerns.

Original poster

TerriHatchet · 31/05/2016 09:47

Going to the Drs today. Been trying to practice what to say but I know I'll end up crying. I feel like I'm going to be wasting an appointment that somebody else that is sick could be using.

OP posts:

SnoozeButtonAbuser · 31/05/2016 10:12

I'm glad you're going to the GP. You have post natal depression. I know just how you feel and I was diagnosed about the same stage too - it's common to be diagnosed when the baby is about 1yr old. That feeling of 'better off without me', I know that feeling, and it's not true, it's just the depression making you feel that way. It's really, really common and very easily treated with medication so that GP appointment is not wasted at all. Untreated depression/PND is very dangerous and so horrible to go through, you need to get better. The arguing, the dread of another day cleaning up sick and stuff, everyone has that and pills won't make that go away, but they will help you to put everything back into perspective and stop the 'everyone's better without me' feeling. They really aren't. x

Original poster

TerriHatchet · 31/05/2016 10:30

Snooze so yours was diagnosed after one year aswell? That makes me feel better, I was thinking it might not be pnd as she is not a newborn anymore. I'm sitting in the surgery just now, i am a bag of nerves feel all sweaty and shaky.
What if I just burst into tears

OP posts:

SnoozeButtonAbuser · 31/05/2016 10:54

Yes, it's not just a newborn thing. Don't worry if you cry, tbh that probably just helps with their diagnosis! For me, they gave me anti-depressants which took a week or two to help but they really did make me feel like myself again once they kicked in.

Original poster

TerriHatchet · 31/05/2016 10:55

5 minutes til my appointment I feel sick with nerves!

OP posts:

crankyblob · 31/05/2016 11:14

I was diagnosed with PND after a year too. Even I did not see the warning signs until I had a full on breakdown. Looking back the signs were all there! - constantly putting myself down, telling myself I was worthless and DD was better off without me. That was 13 years ago now and I have gone on to have 4 more children.

Life is wonderful and I am glad I got help. I promise you, it gets better. The first step is the biggest.

nagsandovalballs · 31/05/2016 11:26

Be honest. Don't minimise. Literally thousands of women go through this. A good doctor will take you seriously. If they don't, then it is not you or that your problems are unimportant or insignificant, it is a shit doctor.

. Don't be scared - you can do this.

SuckingEggs · 31/05/2016 11:31

Hope you're ok OP

2nds · 31/05/2016 11:33

It gets better, I'm a mum to a 3 year old annd a nearly 2 year old, honestly if you have spent the day washing clothes and cleaning up sick you aren't the worst mum.
:-) go talk to someone, maybe you could get some help from sure start or some other organisation?
When I had my first daughter and wad preggo with my second child I had an offer of help from the hvs which I declined. Speak to your GP or HV, there may well be help for you.

xandra588 · 31/05/2016 11:35

Please do not feel insulted in what I have to say. I think you need professional help. I'm not talking about psychos who are going to brainwash you into some "life is perfect" shit. You might want to do couple of sessions with a professional psychologist. Maybe you should go with your DP. I bet you're keeping all those emotions a secret. Sometimes it's better not to kiss and tell, but most of the times you need to talk to your dp.
xo
~Xandra

SnoozeButtonAbuser · 31/05/2016 11:47

Xandra If you turn up at a psychologist's office displaying clear signs of PND, you'll get advised to get treatment for PND, just like you would at a GP's office. I don't think you can talk your way out of PND, or if you can it's probably alongside some medical treatment, not instead of. More importantly, if you ever feel the need to start a sentence "don't feel insulted but..." then maybe you should think a bit harder about the sentence you're about to say, especially if someone's feeling a bit fragile.

SnoozeButtonAbuser · 31/05/2016 11:48

How did it go Terri?

TheDisreputableDog · 31/05/2016 13:09

Hope your appointment went okay Terri, well done for getting some help.
Also, hope your DD is better today

Original poster

TerriHatchet · 31/05/2016 13:40

Hi everyone, appointment went ok, I burst into tears the minute I sat down. The dr prescribed me anti depressants which I have started today and gave a number to phone to receive some counselling

OP posts:

2nds · 31/05/2016 13:50

I'm glad to see you've spoken to a doctor Terri, well done for taking the first steps :-)

Original poster

TerriHatchet · 31/05/2016 15:19

I already feel a bit better just knowing that I have told somebody how I feel and that I am now on the (possibly long) road to recovery.

OP posts:

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