the only answer?

[TeacupsandFigs]

First, can I just say that I have no intention of doing it.
But what do you do when you feel that the only way you will stop feeling so awful is when you die?
I don't have any IRL support, the Samaritans don't help as I don't know what to say to them.

You need to let someone in RL know this is how you feel. Family, a friend, your GP, just anyone.

Someone very close to me ended their life a few years ago... I had no idea she felt like that and to this day it breaks my heart that she never once said. I feel like if she'd reached out she'd still be here.

I know in the midst of deep depression life can seem empty and hopeless and going on just seems to hard, but with the right help you can get to a better place emotionally.

Please talk to someone, if you don't know how to say it write it down and read it out to them/email/text - whatever you need to so that someone hears your cry for help.

I normally don't post on MH as its touches a nerve but couldn't read and run on this one. Remember that to someone in this world, you are their whole world, and you matter.

Please get RL support

What sort of support are you getting? are you on medication? Why do you feel like this? lots of questions sorry but would like to help

I'm on anti-depressants. My GP knows how I feel but I don't have any family, I'm estranged from them.
I'll get through it and I won't do it but I feel fucking awful tonight.

Do you have any friends that you could talk to?
How old are you op ? (If you don't mind me asking

No, there are no friends I can talk to. It's just me, I lost contact with my friends when I was still married and haven't been in touch with them for nearly ten years.
I'm 51.

Fuck it. I shouldn't be posting this on MN. I'll sort it, phone the Samaritans. Thanks for replying.

of course you can post here, if it helps. How long have you been on the Ads? what ones are they?

Post as much as you need to OP. Anything you want - better out than in.

Has anything changed that's brought these feelings on (meds or life circumstances) or have you felt this way for a while?

Keep posting if it helps I have my own thread going because I have no one in RL to talk to

Nobody that you can talk to at all?
Maybe a friend from your past. I know how desperate you must be feeling.
Please go back to your gp. Maybe your meds are wrong.
Do you work?

OP, sorry things feel so bad. I'm not really full of wisdom on how to make life better. But I thought I'd say that I hang on to the fact that life changes all the time. 5 years ago I wasnt in quite the same place to now, 10 years ago, things were even more different. So I tell myself that life is likely to change again and then the bad feelings might pass.
It doesn't make much of a dent in the bad feelings tbh. But it's something. Its not a guarantee but a reasonable chance that the shit will pass.