Talk to me about adult ADHD

[Thefitfatty]

Just been diagnosed, and started on Concerta. Anyone else not figure out they were ADHD till they were in their mid-30's? Can anyone tell me about their side effects? Or what I can expect now that I'm on meds?

I think my memory isn't too bad but I am face blind too - I struggle to tell the difference between al pacino and robert deniro - to me they look almost the same...
Today after much dithering I impulsively decided to 'just do it' and upgrade to Windows 10 before the deadline. It said something about some apps not being compatible (probably free things I've downloaded so not overly worried) but I went through my programs list uninstalling odd ones - found I seemed to have two versions of my desktop email program so uninstalled the old one - which uninstalled the latest version too - so had to spend hours faffing to get it back...I know if I had been paying more attention I wouldn't have done it.
It reminds me of when I wanted to do a clean install on my old computer so DD could use it - it sat there for months and then one day I thought I'll just do it ...and wiped the hard drive - then remembered I hadn't copied the drivers first and I know getting the right ones for that computer was a real faff - I had to take it to a repair shop when I did a clean install before because it kept bluescreening because of one dodgy driver- anyway after much faffing I ended up having to take it to be done somewhere again....
Anyway my Windows 10 update is doing things painfully slowly in the background. Don't feel I can start anything else and don't feel like I can go too far away from my computer ...so I am sat here twitching and fidgetting and getting ratty...I have stuff to do today -need to go out - so why did I start doing it this morning????? Ahhhhhhhhh......

My long term memory is fine and actually tends to be more accurate for details than other people. My short term memory is terrible.

I am useless with faces as well. I'm not actually face blind but I have trouble differentiating people who have similar hairstyles for example. I remember my ex going on and on about this film he loved and made me watch the whole thing to see if I could work it out and the twist was that the main two characters were clones. Just made me feel really stupid because I couldn't see it even after they pointed it out!

Alfie did you see my link I posed a few days ago about getting referred?

Well I downloaded a pretty task manager app and have been using it very well today. It's helped a lot with walking into shops and forgetting what I'm there for - I especially struggle with my dc about who will ask me a question as I'm trying to think about what I'm trying to do and it wipes my brain. Managed to complete a few tasks I knew I needed to do but had totally forgotten about in the course of the day.

Only problem was I didn't add 'feed kids' to the thing, and as they were so happy in the paddling pool they didn't remind me. Dinner has been rather late tonight

I'm similar to you memory-wise Bertie. Very accurate & detailed for long-term but awful for faces!

strictly be careful not to overwhelm yourself.
I have an app (ticktick) and it has regular things on it ...I set things that I have to do every eg month to reoccur - work things and also things like put bins out. I also have Google Keep - I do things like take a photo of party invites or letters from school etc and save them in there -so I can't lose the bit of paper. I also have a shopping list on there of everything I normally buy -if I'm organised I make a copy and add special things on and then go through and check off what I don't need - if I'm not I can read through the list in the shop and that reminds me of things I have forgotten...
I'm very good until I get bored - then it all goes to pieces. (Which to an extent is fine as if I am too organised all the time I find it overwhelming -I need to give myself a break sometimes -let me be my chaotic natural self...as long as it is nothing really important!)
However when everything does fall apart and I need to get back on track I go through my Tick tick and reschedule what I can - then I have a note in keep -5 things to do today (You can transfer the whole tick tick list to keep but I find writing it again focuses my mind) I write down 5 things I have to do every day - one or two big things and the rest small things and be specific - I do it the night before or on the day - and I make sure I get them done. And I find then I will get another couple of things done too - but it allows me to catch up.
But that is why I want a diagnosis and hopefully medication then I can give myself a break and then take meds to help me get back on track quicker and stop me feeling behind and overwhelmed.
That is the problem with lists and reminders for the smallest things (which we do kind of need) you can start feeling like you are constantly failing, constantly trying to catch up and it is all written down so you can see how bad it is....
I have now managed to update to Windows 10 (so far all good) and still get out - but I haven't done my 5 things for today ...never mind I have crossed something else off the list...I guess...

Yes I am a bit rubbish with kid admin. DS was asking me at 6 this morning if we could phone his friend and my brain was just going "Not now!" He said yes I know not now, but when?! I just couldn't compute it at all, I told him to ask me later.

All the other mums give me dirty looks because I'm forever letting him go off on playdates and totally forgetting to invite any child back Or if I do it's for about two hours maximum. It's rubbish really, I thought I'd be better at that stuff but in reality I'm crap at it and DH is introverted so having people over is just a general nightmare.

I've learnt that I should only ask OH to do things when he's able to do them right at that moment otherwise he'll forget. My memory is quite a bit better than his although I'm also shit with names and faces.

I'm not sure if that is a problem with your OH's memory or he just got distracted. I forget things (regularly) but it will come back to me at random times later...like I got up early this morning to get some peace and quiet - cat needed feeding - put kettle on, put cat bowl in the sink soaking, made a coffee and came to 'boot' up my computer (playing on MN) - an hour ago - I've just remembered and fed the poor cat....

I have great facial memory. For me it's names. I also have to do things right away or I will forget.

Given the hereditary nature of ADHD, how many of you see signs in your own parents or grandparents? Since my own diagnosis I can't help but see signs in both my Mom and Dad.

I definitely see it in my dad, although he has other conditions (Borderline personality & bipolar) too which I don't.

One parent is bipolar (and other conditions) other is undiagnosed on the autistic spectrum. I mirror tendencies of both but don't fit wither diagnosis.

Not sure with my parents but my brother was recently diagnosed with autism and I reckon there's adhd there as well.

My dad has very similar struggles to me except he won't talk to anybody about them. He walked out on his second marriage about a year ago - shocking everyone, not least my stepmum! - He claimed she was holding him back and he needed more freedom but when I spoke to her - and I do trust her - she was baffled by this as she's been trying to encourage him to be more proactive. He has the inertia down and the social awkwardness and the sense of "I could be something better if only I could get off my arse", I think. And looking back, he's impulsive but (very much like me) he only acts on the bigger, crazier impulses if somebody is there to keep him on track with organising them, and sometimes they go a bit wrong. I remember in about 1997 we went to the Bristol Boat Show because he'd decided that morning to buy a boat with his stoner mate, except he didn't know that you had to buy tickets in advance, so instead we just sat in traffic for hours, then walked around the edge and eventually bought a completely flooded boat from some random dodgy guy on the outside. As a parent he was fun but his temper could come out suddenly and erratically which was a bit scary.

A cousin on my dad's side has autism and some kind of hyperactivity too, I can't remember what now.

I don't know about my grandparents. I can't see it on my mum's side. My paternal grandfather was an alcoholic, though, and I know untreated ADHD can lead to substance abuse as people try to self medicate.

I can see it hugely in DS but it's not causing major issues so I haven't sought diagnosis. I'm also slightly paranoid about the thought I might just be seeing what isn't there because of my own diagnosis, so I'm waiting to see if anybody else flags anything up, or if he starts struggling because of it.

My df is exceptionally fidgety, talks and questions endlessly when not appropriate, gets really into things then wanes off, etc etc. Never realised he had similar traits to me until I started looking at dd!

Task app is really helping. I'm managing to have a good think about what I need to do in the day before the kids get up so setting myself up before the major distractions kick in. Not perfect but helping.

I've written a list of things I'm struggling with for the dr with things like forgetfulness, easily distracted, hyperfocusing on some things and ignoring others, needing to use a list in order to just get through a day, quick temper, anxiety (which I suffer with anyway but is worsening because I just can't focus). Can anyone think of anything that may be worth mentioning that would be worth mentioning, even if I haven't mentioned it here?

Don't want to get fobbed off by them. Already got fobbed off by dd's audiologist as her hearing is currently mild to normal as it is every summer and they refuse to even help me until she goes downhill again (even so much as to write the school a letter). I can't get her seen to for adhd as hearing impairment can cause the same issues, even though her behaviour and reasoning is still the same despite the hearing improvement

Applied for a new job today. Part time rather than full-time, lots more challenges & project-based stuff rather than the same thing day in, day out.

I really hope I get it, I'm feeling so miserable :(

I will post this again about referrals and highlight:

www.simplywellbeing.com/help-for-adhd/adult-adhd-diagnosis-in-the-uk/

To get a UK NHS diagnosis, AADD recommends:

1. Make a 10 minute appointment with your GP and simply say you want a referral to an adult ADHD specialist for an assessment.
2. Take along the List of Symptoms, with the relevant ones circled. For each symptom, list a specific instant of how it has negatively affected you
3. Take a copy of the NICE Guidelines along
4. Tell your GP that you will ring in one week’s time to find out how the referral is going

The AADD also maintains a List of Adult ADHD Specialists and Clinics. If your area is not on the list, ask your GP for an out-of-area referral.

Bertie that's really interesting reading. Do GP's often refuse to refer, do you know?

Anecdotally from what I have heard yes. Especially older ones.

If you look at this: History of ADHD in UK you'll see that it's only relatively recently that ADHD has even been an accepted diagnosis. Add to that the controversy when it first became better known in the UK about Ritalin being a conspiracy, and fairly recent general feeling that people are "looking for" disabilities in order to claim benefits (not that ADHD would get you any benefits anyway) PLUS a general feeling amongst some, particularly older, doctors, that patients self-diagnosing from google and insisting on a referral is silly hysteria, a lot of them are reluctant to refer for these reasons. Additionally unless they are particularly familiar with the local centre, they probably won't know where to refer you to exactly. If you're rural, you might struggle. There is one ADHD doctor in the whole of Scotland who works for the NHS. Two private. One of the private doctors is also the NHS doctor.

There is a false belief among many that ADHD is a childhood disorder, and the stats do suggest that it particularly affects boys. Therefore an adult woman presenting with suspected ADHD seems highly unlikely. When they come in saying "I read this on the internet..." ... you can imagine the number of perfectly healthy 25 year olds with a headache who come in saying "I'm scared I've got cancer because I read something online". You can see why GPs may assume the same thing is happening even though this is highly frustrating. That's why it's recommended to take the list in that specific format with examples. Then if the GP is still being obstructive that is why you take the NICE guidelines. A GP isn't actually allowed to say no, you definitely don't have ADHD, only a psychiatrist is qualified to make that diagnosis.

But as I said - this is anecdotal. If you know your GP well, you might have more luck perhaps.

bertie do you think I may be a bit more likely to be taken seriously given I was diagnosed hyperactive, although not given drugs, when a child? I was talking to DH about it tonight and my anxiety has gone nuts. Normally this sort of behaviour comes in hand with a thyroid flare, though my baseline is diminished too

I'm in Scotland - got referred by the GP no problem as it was the same GP who referred DD1 (deliberately went to them) -will be interesting to see how I get on with the psychiatrist...
I had to fill in a questionnaire and DP did too -which was funny because I strongly suspect he has ADHD too - actually he couldn't be bothered to read the questions and asked me what I wanted him to say . Also his version of 'normal' and the general population's version will be a bit different...
Anyway I will report how I get on -its a couple of weeks away. I'm not expecting too much of a battle...I am 99% sure I do have...and we have good facilities for young people and children...anyway only time will tell...

Today is my gp appt. I've taken a copy of the list bertie suggested, but haven't circled anything as they all describe me to some extent, even when I felt I was ok. I've written real examples from recent weeks where the worsening has impacted me as well as making a point of writing down when I've been distracted or remembered I'd forgotten something. Brushing my teeth came up 4 times already this morning - this is my problem with not having the school routine anymore!

Good luck Strictly :)

Things do seem to be changing which is good.

I'm not really an expert on this, just repeating stuff from other forums and stuff I've been told! I wasn't even diagnosed in the UK as I live in Germany. My GP here was dismissive at first but did agree to refer me if I wanted referring and then she was happy to write the referral for the testing (they make you get ECG and EEG and blood tests here for medication) which I had half of and then found out I was pregnant (I miscarried that one) so I'll probably have to do it all again when I want to get medication in the future. Argh.

Has anyone had issues with driving? I have heard it is a common problem. I am learning at the moment but I am actually doing fine. I have a suspicion that it's because I feel nervous when I'm going for the lessons - I find adrenaline makes me really really focused and calm which is incredibly useful but am a bit worried that once I'm left on my own it will go and I'll go back to being distractable again!

I don't drive. I've had several goes at it but I just cannot stand it. Too much to think about, can't control other people, I'm a very nervous passenger as it is.

I'm a nervous passenger, but prefer actually being at the wheel I am finding, although it's still scary when you're driving along country roads and things are hurtling towards you on the other side! I was a bit scared of the idea of motorways, but now I am coming to appreciate the fact that at least everyone is going the same way as you.

I find driving hard - I force myself to concentrate. So I find it exhausting for any distance. I do realise occasionally I'm wandering mentally...but so far I've never had an accident.
DP on the other hand has had several accidents - just low speed ones ... After one he said driving is boring ...
Also the impulse thing - he went over one of those rising bollards following a bus at the local big hospital. Slightly confused how to get out - he decided to follow a bus. Then came to the bit it said buses only -saw a warning thing about bollards he didn't understand but decided to risk it...
He also got points on his licence for going through a 'no entry' sign on a (quiet) one way - when he got stopped instead of saying sorry I didn't realise etc - he told the police the truth his friend lived at the top and it was clear and he didn't see the point of going round