Talk to me about adult ADHD

[Thefitfatty]

Just been diagnosed, and started on Concerta. Anyone else not figure out they were ADHD till they were in their mid-30's? Can anyone tell me about their side effects? Or what I can expect now that I'm on meds?

Bit of both? It's a bit difficult to explain, because I honestly thought before I went to the relationship counselor that everyone was like me, but just dealt with it better, or were less lazy, less stupid, etc.

At the time I felt like I was drowning. I just couldn't juggle it all anymore.
I feel like, if I didn't have the family, then I could focus on my job, or if I didn't have the job I could focus on my family, but honestly, I doubt it would make a difference.

I know I can get myself into routines, and that routines help. But with a 2 and a 4 year old, routines are impossible.

What I certainly can't fix is the "listening." I can't make myself listen and understand someone. I can't make myself focus on a conversation for more than a few seconds (unless it's written, text and messenger are my saviors). The meds have helped this immensely. To the point one of my best friends, who didn't know I'd started medication, said to me "Fit I feel like this is the first time we've had a conversation and you've actually listened to what I've said."

I hope that makes sense!

It makes lots of sense. I can't stick to routines however much I tell myself it would make life easier. I'm supposedly silly bright but I don't work at the moment and can't seem to manage the "simple" tasks of housekeeping /family/food/exercise.

Our house is awful for days the. I flip and go nuts at it for ages. I can't seem to just do it and I don't know why. I sometimes think I'm tired (I get tired) but it doesn't explain it.

I cant stick to anything. I play online/read forums a lot as I get bored so easily. We did Disney off peak as I can't do queues. I struggle with so much I really ought to be able to do and yet when in the zone I decanter/redecorate etc. Really struggling with weight/plans for jobs/housework at the moment.

I can logically agree to a routine but won't do it.

Oh and things like daily teeth cleaning and showers. I dont know why I battle to either remember or make myself do it but I do...

I really struggle with cleaning. Is that common then?

Based on my need for a hardcore "shit I need to do" planner with inbuilt, high volume and very naggy alarms (please see screenshot for illustration) ....certainly it is a tripwire for me.

Left to my own devices without an app to bully me into submission I love housework when I am observing a shitheap and get to spend 48 hours in a totally non-eating, non-peeing frenzy of achieving utter perfection. But then I fall over from exhaustion and do fuck all for a week... so back to shitheap.

Little and often, with an aim of "good enough" is hard. The pomodoro timer method has helped me with that (when not in mega procrastination mode) because it defines the rules of the game. The beat the clock aspect lets me unleash the "overdoing it" aspect of the ADHD in limited short, sharp blasts.

My envy of people who can just get on with it with the mildest of pushes against the procrastination beastie knows no bounds.If I don't tart it up into a game that pits me against the laws of space and time.... I'm fucked.

:( my husband doesn't get it at all. He just wipes up after himself, cleans as he go. I dont understand why I can intellectually agree that's a good idea yet not do it.

I did OK at school. I guess intellectual curiosity/ability masked the issues as I was able to do homework quickly at last minute or work late at night if I was interested. I wasn't difficult child in class or anything. Id assumed I'd be laughed at if I suggested I had this but it makes some sense.

Are there ways to retrain the brain without medication?

I love housework when I am observing a shitheap and get to spend 48 hours in a totally non-eating, non-peeing frenzy of achieving utter perfection.

LOL! I had a summer job in my late-teens that was mowing lawns for the town. Massive fields. I LOVED it. It was repetitive. I plugged into my music and disappeared into my imagination while I went back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

The issue always came when I had to go back after I was "finished" and do little cleans ups or details. I couldn't make myself do them.

There's a group of us over here in the mnetters with SN section if you fancy joining us? I've recently been diagnosed with ASD as an adult.

What I certainly can't fix is the "listening." I can't make myself listen and understand someone

I don't know if this is a thing, or just a thing that works on me... but DS, once the ADHD was known about, decided to try something.

When he can see I am skittering off in my head, or hyper focused but he or DH need me to listen, he gets close and holds a bit of me. Like my arm.

Gentle pressure, that increases slightly when he can see me wandering off in my head. The physical contact seems to connect me to the world outside my head long enough to cut through the party in my head and gets me to focus long enough to respond rather than grunt aimlessly, having heard not a single word.

It's not infallible. If I am really having trouble focusing you'd need an industrial vice in order to expert enough pressure to get my attention. But it's been pretty useful on the mild/moderately distracted days.

Oppps

forgot screenshot of my favourite app

I bloody love it. I have tried every organisational thingie under the sun. A including several million apps that didn't work for me.

There is something about the aesthetics/visuals of this one that cuts through the distraction/procrastination in a way that boring typed to do lists can't.

iPost my children are 2 & 4, and they've already figured out that if they want me to pay attention to them, they have to grab my chin and make me look at them. (This isn't something my DH does, so they didn't copy it from him). However, I don't think that would work in a meeting!

Are there ways to retrain the brain without medication?

Well I'm giving it my best shot

Until Brexit shunted me into a rather extended hyper focus I was doing really really well.

(And in my defence nobody knew Brexit would happen, it is historic, lots of stuff is happening like gov and opposition falling apart at the seams, petitions, argy bargy over legality, will they/won't they, do I need Italian citizenship or not/lots of other stuff. It'd take a fecking miracle for something like that not to knock me off The Path Of Brain Retraining.)

I think when I go back to the psych in September I'll take him up on the offer of CBT.

I've tried a mindfulness app or 50. All that breathing stuff gets me into a panic because if I pay too much attention to my breathing I feel like I can't breathe. Which is not fun. So CBT might be worth a shot.

I've been self reliant since I was .16, and the thought of asking for help scares me. I don't percive other people as trustworthy if I put myself in any sort of dependence on them. So I'm uncomfortable at the idea of not doing this wholly on my own. But am prepared to take a chance and see if it will help cement me better into maintaining a routine at least.

I don't want meds. I have horrible reactions and get an excessive number of side effects even with OTC stuff. Never had a med that didn't make me feel worse while I was taking it. Even bloody herbal stuff likes to dump its side effects all over me. It's not like I believe meds can't or won't help. I'm just worried that the side effect price of their help will,cancel out any benefits and then some.

Plus I am a massive wuss. Meds are a scary unknown. I do not like new and scary things. Not one bit. Normal life leaves me with enough on my plate without adding any curve balls.

But if I can't get a lasting improvement with just stratagies and maybe CBT, I will look into meds. Not that many are on the market over here. Which kind of limits my options.

The one thing I have got under control by myself are the thoughts that pop in my head and make me feel bad. I'm using an app designed for children, it lets me put the thought in a bubble which floats away and fades, while I breathe (but not in a massively overthinking it mindfulness way). I feel slightly insulted, in the sense that it is working so well this must means it is telling me Imhave arrested development but one tiny free app has worked nothing short of a miracle in terms of reducing anxiety and mood drops to... damn near zero.

However, I don't think that would work in a meeting!

Yeah. Pretty much that suggestion would go down like a lead balloon in the work place.

ipost - could you share the name of the two apps you mentioned - the bubble one and the organisation one? I have a nearly-teen ds who I am waiting for a dx for, and I think they might be helpful for him :-)

I really admire anyone who tries to combat these things without meds. Honestly I'm far too impatient to try (which would explain the diagnoses). ;)

ipost what is that app? I try mindfulness myself, however I can become overly focused on mindfulness! Brexit has massively set me off too. I've enjoyed having some adult conversations about adult things for a change, but I've started needing to read about things to the detriment of everything else. My problem really is that I had more control on it before I developed autoimmune issues that leave me with brain fog.

I wandered in here for a nosey and you are all talking about my oldest boy! My two nephews and niece live with me. I'm the 'mother' figure and the oldest is the most 'difficult' to live with. I really don't mean that in an offensive way.

The youngest has severe SN and the middle has dyslexia and dyscalculia and was a handful as a young boy. I think in all this the oldest was 'missed'. We thought he was a sensitive child as he found so many things difficult to cope with and would cry quite easily. His teachers would say he was a good student but would spend too long on his work but not get it finished, then would get upset if it he wasn't allowed to finish it because it wasn't 'right'. He had difficulty fitting in with his peers and still has to this day.

My DH and I used to get annoyed with him because if we asked him to do something it would take him hours or even days to do it and he would only do exactly what you asked of him. For example, if you asked him to vacuum the stairs, he would do that but not the landing. If asked to empty the dishwasher, he wouldn't fill it. When he would be pulled up on his 'lazyness' he would look genuinely upset and say "but you only asked me to...." He still has difficulty relating to his peers and spends all his time on his computer. Interrupts, fidgets, concentration wanders when you're talking to him, misses pieces of the conversations, I can list the foods he eats and he won't try anything else, depression, appears to have a lack of empathy, can't focus (other than on the computer games he's obsessed with), copes better in a very strict routine. He has a lot of good qualities so I don't want you think I'm measly on here slating him. I love him dearly.

I've found that he's better if I give him a time frame in which I want him to do something and give precise instructions on what I want done. He does need to be reminded at times. I'm sick of people telling me he "just needs a kick up the arse, is lazy, needs to be put out, etc" I KNOW there's something 'not right' but couldn't quite understand what as as he studied at uni and came out with a degree, though he got better scores the term he had a emotional collapse and I brought him home and 'mothered' him by putting him on a timetable re: getting up, breakfast in bed (yes, I know), study time with breaks, lunch, etc. he seemed to thrive on this, but I couldn't keep it up and he's 'slipped back'. I worry sick about his future.

Bty, I know all the posters do not have all his difficulties, so there may be more going on. He spoke to his doctor about his problems and his doctor said he'd refer him for tests, a year ago.

It's certainly possible PovertyPain. Did your DN not follow up on the tests?

He's a great one for procrastinating and I think he's worried about annoying the doctor. It's very difficult to get referred for anything here, OP, and I wonder if the doctor is taking him seriously, or is he putting it down to depression, as he has put him on antidepressants. My dn says they're not working, so no longer takes them.

I'm wondering how I could get him privately assessed and if a private assessment would be recognised by the medical profession? I have a few hundred put aside for emergencies but feel that it would be better spent trying to help him. He did some sort of online test, he found on the internet, for ADD and said he scored 64 % risk of having it. He has recently recognised that he has problems and says he needs to have his kindle with him as he finds it so hard to concentrate on one thing at a time, so he will have music playing, a game on his computer and even a TV on in the background. That would drive me to distraction.

I'm sorry, I've just realised I've taken over your thread, TheFitFatty.

Strictly

It's the breathing bubbles one here
momentousinstitute.org/apps

No worries Poverty This thread actually died in March. It's been revived by some of us on another thread who wanted a place to talk about ADHD. :) So hijack away!

Thank you, OP. I'll pop over to the other thread, don't worry I'm just going to read from here on in.

No seriously! This is a thread for everyone and their families with ADHD or suspected ADHD. Don't worry about hijacking!

Will follow this thread, I'm sure i have it.

On the subject of meds. I've had several people family and friends say we have taken the easy option by medicating and there are loads of other more effectual ways of treating it, followed by one anecdotal example of someone who knows someone who did just that and now, can fully healed .

We tried behavior therapy, 1 year and hundreds of pounds later and no change we went back on meds. We stopped meds again when he was 9yrs and did more therapy, eventually therapist advises us to put him on meds as therapy can't treat behavioral problem that is to do with hormonal imbalance of the brain (not sure ive said that properly). So back on meds again.

So my question is have any of you treated your dc or yourselves with therapy?. Im talking about where the ADHD was moderate/ severe affecting education; ability concentrate in class, stopped calling out, shouting and talking over everyone?

We did not consider medicating lightly, we spent 2 yrs thinking about it and the possible side effects so its quite hurtful that people think medicating is the easy option.

On the subject of meds. I've had several people family and friends say we have taken the easy option by medicating

Quite frankly, fuck em.

Can't speak for anything that worked besides meds. Guess I like the "easy" answers (although my bank account doesn't appreciate it :p )

I just don't think I'd get taken seriously and would have to argue at the Dr so wondered if there were things I could try. Not arguing against mess!