Life, please let me go

[FlowersAndShit]

I don't want to feel like this anymore. I hate my mother for bringing me into this world. Every tiny bit of hope gets taken away from me. I've had a fucking titful. My life is shit an every attempt to make it a bit better fails because i'm at the mercy of people that don't give a shit about me. Landlord won't even let me have a cat for company, to give me something to live for. It would help my depression immensely, landlord is a family friend too and knows of some of my issues. I've kept it spotless and made it my home, but he doesn't care. I'll likely never be able to get a mortgage because i'm too fucked up to work, so i'll never even be able own a pet. Just hope i die in my sleep, it would be a blessing from the constant misery and disappointment of life. I really really really hope I die in my sleep tonight, I truly don't want to live anymore. I've had enough

I know you are agoraphobic but (and I've been in contact with originalLem too on this - I've had anxiety and depression which manifested as OCD and not quite suicidal thoughts but more the urge to step in front of cars) do consider building up to CBT. If you could overcome elements of your agoraphobia, you could sign up to BorrowMyDoggy and have lots of contacts with lovely animals. You might even make some friends along the way. Or, if not friends, people with whom to spend some time. A good starting point would be talking therapy, which is done over the phone, and online CBT courses.

Hope you're feeling better today.

Lots of good advice on here for you Flowers but as a landlord myself I wouldn't advise having a pet without your landlord's knowledge as someone suggested.
If 'no pets' is written into your rental contract then you could be deemed in breach of contract, and in the worst case scenario, evicted.

We would certainly reconsider though if a tenant reassured us that any damage would be put right.

Good luck!

He said yes!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can have a cat! I'd do a somersault if I could!

Hi flowers, what excellent news from your landlord! I'm so sorry you were feeling down last night, I hope you've been having a better day today. I got my cat a couple of years ago when I was feeling particularly down and not coping very well. That cat was my rock and I love him to bits. It sounds like a rescue cat from what you were saying, have you met him yet or just seen him? When I went to pick up my cat my mum was with me and was gushing about this other cat that was ridiculous friendly and kept jumping up to be petted but my wee man just kept himself to himself and after a while came and gently sat down right next to me and I just knew he was the one ☺️ Make sure you get a good feeling off whatever cat you get, they will be your friend and companion so go for more than just good looks.

So glad your landlord came round

That's fantastic news! You must be so happy

Oh that is such fantastic news, im made up for you :)

That's brilliant news. My cat can sense when I'm having a bad time and is extra affectionate- he will sit on my chest and put his paws on my shoulders like he's giving me a hug.Good luck

amazing!