I'm not coping

[Monkeybabiess111]

I'm really struggling to cope with everything/anything dd is on her 6th wake up tonight. It's day 2 on citalopram today and it just seems to freaking hard right now.

Its hard to cope with a baby waking throughout the night at the BEST of times. Do you have any help support to help you out while you adjust onto new meds?

You will get through it. I did. Its not easy, but don't lose hope that things will get better. Right now, you need to do the bare minimum that you can get away with and try to rest at every opportunity.

Let us know how you are.

I really feel for you. Citalopram makes you exhausted for the first couple of weeks anyway, never mind having to cope with broken nights. I agree with Jemima, do what you need to get by these first weeks til the meds start to work properly, call on any and all support you can. Hang in there, keep talking on here if it helps.

After I posted I went a walk for two hours I left the dc with my Dp neither sleep well, I think it helped bit it gave me some energy I didn't know I had. I took the second ad at 9 and feel weak and dizzy again.
I don't feel I can handle being a mum right now I don't think I'm doing a good job, I do better when others are around watching as I don't want them to judge me so I smile and pretend everything's ok so I need to keep going out but I keep losing the energy I get- I hope that makes sense.

Hi monkeybabies, hang in there. I've been on various meds and know they can make you feel worse before you feel better. I've just been through exactly the same thing myself . I'm on week 4 now and can honestly tell you I feel so much brighter. Stay with it. You will get better . Remember that most of the negative thoughts you are having now are not the truth. They are the depression taking over. I'm good at smiling and pretending too. I came on here to find people in a similar boat. Seems you don't have to look far. I think many of us mums look like we are coping from the outside, but infact are desperate on the inside. I know when I'm feeling low I bottle up my feelings because I don't want people to think I am weak and can't cope. Try and keep busy, do anything just to get through the next few days, weeks and before you know it the days will become brighter.

Someone on here told me the simple mantra: they're just thoughts. It helped, somehow, to remind myself of that when the self-criticism started. You're not a bad mum, just one who's struggling and beating yourself up for it. Just thoughts.

It's great that you felt able to get out for a walk, even just a short walk outside will definitely help, and it's a good distraction from the negative thoughts if you can get out and concentrate on nothing but the walking, how it feels, what you're seeing. It will take time, be kind to yourself.

Hi OP, do you have to take your tablet at night or morning? If it's making you totes can you pick a time to take it when you know your bubba is going to sleep for the longest period of the day/night? X

My dd doesn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time and ds is temperamental with when he sleeps he has as its been like this for months now.
At first I thought I was coping but it's all gotten to me and I've been back under the Cmht for a few months but my gp said to try this an ad as my moods been almost constantly low with suicidal thoughts and self harm and last week it was really bad.
I'm just scared of me and everyone else lately I don't know who to trust so it makes it harder to talk in rl my Dp doesn't care he's angry I walked out I couldn't stand the crying any longer.
Everything just seems so hard to do but I want to keep going right now as I know the kids need me.

I was meant to Answer that question intake it in the morning I think I get worse over night and adding it in then would make everything even harder, not sure though.

I'm probably the worst person for advice as I suffer with mental health myself and I am my own worst enemy, I have a 5 year old, and 14 month old and I'm currently 5 mo the pregnant. When I was pregnant with my 14 mo the old I had a breakdown and ended up staying 4 weeks on a mother and baby unit, I suffer more with antenatal depression then postnatal depression, I also have to take a tablet that knocks me out and I know that in 4 months I am going to have to stop taking it because I will be up all night with the newborn baby, everybody says to not stop taking it but I find the drowsiness too much to handle and this is a major factor that makes me very very depressed so I can completely understand what your going through at this moment in time I also know I have it coming. Hopefully you will get used to the tablet and it will no longer make you tired I fact when the depression lifts you will have energy. If I was in your situation and the tiredness was making me depressed I would ask for an upper tablet, I take venlafaxine because it actually gives you energy, you can still breastfeed on it aswell x

Thank you I'm back at the gp in 2 weeks time I will see what they say.
I have no idea what's happening with the Cmht my cpn keeps going off sick so I don't know when I will see one next.

I got out to a bf group but left not to long after I went in I couldn't keep up and I was feeling paranoid about everything. I got home and cried at how pathetic I am right now and my heads hurting which I think is the ad as I got the same headache yesterday afternoon.

How are you today Monkeybabies? Hope your head is better and you got some rest. It's a lovely sunny autumn day here, hope there is sunshine where you are too, and you can get out in it for a little while.

I got more sleep everything seems better the morning, I took the ad at 9 and if the last two days are to go by I will get tired and spaced out again between 10/11, I did think I could cope without it but I know it's probably a fluke that everything's ok today so far I just hope it's not a fluke.

So it seems it was a fluke but I managed to get a few things done I'd been leaving but now I'm exhausted again trying to watch two dc, only 6 and half hours until bedtime.

When I was on citalopram, i took it before bed. Had a few hot restless nights, but your sleep is already disturbed. It would mean the shaky feeling won't happen in the day. Worth trying?

Also be kind to yourself. I know I'm on the slide when I stop showering etc. If you need to sleep during the day, just do it.

Also, I make a list of jobs and divide them into must be done every day/has a deadline, needs to be done a some point t this month and the 'would be nice but no one dies if it doesn't get done' lost.

The spaced out feeling may settle after a couple of weeks, or you might find it better to take it at another time. Just get through it for now. Glad you got a bit more sleep. Wee ones are demanding even when you don't feel ill and exhausted. CBeebies or a good dvd for a while won't hurt and might give you some time to rest, get you through this bit.

If I were to try it at night do I miss tomorrow's dose and try tomorrow night ?

I can't sleep my ds won't nap he's 4 and has asd so I need to keep my eyes on him.
I hate this feeling and wish I could shut my brain off as everything just seems so difficult to do again I really don't feel I should be a mum at times as I just wish someone would look after them so I can sleep and I know that's selfish but it's how I feel right now.

Could you get a babysitter for an hour? You can stay in the house with them, but just sleep. Even if it costs £10 or £15 for one hour of rest per week, it would be worth it. You might not sleep sleep, but just lying down quietly may help.

Changing the medication e timings: delay your taking on one morning to about lunchtime, then the next day take one in mid pm, then day after that the evening.

I honestly couldn't afford that, we've got a house move at the end of the month to which is stressing me out massively.
I will try changing the time I don't see them working I know it's only been a few days but I feel so down tonight.
Dp is off tomorrow I'm hoping he can look after them as I'm exhausted as I went out yesterday during the day and it's drained me completely.