I just want to disappear

[CuppaBiccieBliss]

God I sound so pathetic but I really can't do this anymore.
I haven't slept more than an hour a night for weeks, I'm exhausted, snappy, tearful and a general pain in the arse. I'm on medication for complex ptsd but nothing seems to work. I'm waiting for the mental health team to get in touch but it's been weeks and heard nothing.
I don't know how much more I can cope with, especially with no sleep and of course it's the school holidays which makes everything worse. The guilt of not being able to do much with dds is killing me.

Cuppa, how are you this morning???? I hope you had a good nights sleep. Have you seen you CPN this morning?

It was the crisis team that came again yesterday morning, apparently I will see a cpn on Monday.
Thankfully I did manage some sleep with the temazepam, knocked me clean out!

Still very down and totally useless if I'm honest. I feel like I'm in a constant fog.

HI Cuppa, glad you got some sleep :) Good that the CPN is coming tomorrow. Do ask about your quetiapine to see if they can increase it for you. The CPN usually reports back to a Psychiatrist so I would assume you have been pushed up the queue at the MHT. Hope all goes well tomorrow, please keep posting and let us know that you are ok

The cpn was lovely. Going to see the psychiatrist on Thursday and she's recommending that the quetiapine is increased. She also said she would stay with me during the appointment if I wanted as the only psychiatrist is male.
Everyone is still saying that hospital is the absolute last resort because of my history and I'm assuming lack of beds so I'm relieved about that.

Oh Cuppa, that's so good to here. Thursday isn't that far away :) If you get a good CPN then that makes the journey at lot easier :) I don't do well with hospitals either. I am so glad that things are moving and so quickly too :) Be strong and try and stay positive as help is now here with the right people

Thank you I am feeling a little more positive, still a bit wobbly though. Dp and dds are being great (we've told dd1 that I've got a virus, I don't want her knowing anything else iyswim)
Thankfully I didn't have to do a great deal of talking, I was terrified it was going to be like an interrogation

My plan for tonight is Chinese takeaway and the big bang theory box set then hopefully manage some more sleep Not the classiest of plans is it

Yey!!!! Who cares about class!!! You will still feel wobbly, you are just at the beginning of the road to recovery :) Good idea saying you got a virus, they're not daft :) Enjoy your takeaway (love Chinese) keep posting, I'm so pleased you are getting the right help :)

The other thing is the fact that you have made a plan for this evening is too a very good step in the right direction

This is about the classiest I get my mum has always said I should have been a lad, I'm happier with a pint and the football than dressing up!
I do feel good that I have a little plan, trying to work out what to do with dds tomorrow as it's forecast to rain all day again. May have to be another dvd day, I always said I wouldn't let them watch much tv, that's gone out the window

Hi Cuppa, how are you, did you see the psychiatrist today? Hope you got on ok. xx

I did see the psychiatrist, he doubled my quetiapine and I've been half asleep ever since! Even the kids have laughed at my zombie like state

Then I came down with a stomach bug from hell have only just managed to start eating now.

Poor you getting a tummy bug!!! :( Hope you feel better soon :) Glad you got to see your psychiatrist and they sorted your quetiapine out, u will have to sellotape your eyes open!!! :) They do make you sleepy, and if yours have been doubled then maybe it will take a couple more days before your body gets used to the dosage. Stay positive, take things slowly day by day. Keep posting if you want a chat, whether you are having a good or bad day x