I just want to disappear

[CuppaBiccieBliss]

God I sound so pathetic but I really can't do this anymore.
I haven't slept more than an hour a night for weeks, I'm exhausted, snappy, tearful and a general pain in the arse. I'm on medication for complex ptsd but nothing seems to work. I'm waiting for the mental health team to get in touch but it's been weeks and heard nothing.
I don't know how much more I can cope with, especially with no sleep and of course it's the school holidays which makes everything worse. The guilt of not being able to do much with dds is killing me.

I take citalopram and quetiapine.

Glad you managed some sleep. i have had experience of taking quetiapine and it worked very well for me. It does take some time for the medication to take effect and things can seem far worse in the begging but they do settle down. I hope you get to see the mental health team soon.

I too take Quetiapine and it works wonders for me. I take a low dose at the moment to help me sleep and if I become unwell then I can increase it accordingly to take along with my Citalopram.

I take 300mg quetiapine but it doesn't seem to do much. Certainly doesn't help me sleep but the gp won't prescribe a higher dose.

What dose of Citalopram are you taking? Have you been taking it for long?

I take 30mg citalopram, I've been taking both for about 18 months now.

If I have been having a really bad time and feeling pretty desperate my GP would prescribe a 1-2 weeks use of Diazepam. Did the Crisis team give any indication of when you are likely to be seen by the Mental Health Team, do you feel any better talking to them this morning?

They just said they would speed it up, so no idea when. I'm not really sure what to make of it tbh, I can keep myself safe, I think, but it seems like an uphill struggle. I find it very difficult to talk to people anyway so that doesn't help. I just want to hide away atm.

I do know how you feel, I really do. I think the tablets prescribed to you should help you to sleep which in itself will make you feel a bit better. If you feel desperate in any way you can call 999.

Thank you

I really couldn't cope with being in hospital, I am terrified of them

I'm trying to just get through each hour.

You can get in touch with Mind if you need some support and advice

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/

Thank you, will have a look at the website.

Cuppa, how you are feeling today, I do hope you feel a little better and are getting some sleep.

Not doing very well. I managed a couple of hours then woke up sobbing after another bloody nightmare. I'm slowly but surely giving up. I can't cope with anymore tbh.

If that is how you feel THEN YOU MUST RING YOUR DOCTOR AGAIN!! TODAY!! Please don't leave it to the weekend. Please keep posting I am here I will talk to you if you want to.

I have an appointment at 2. If I don't get some decent sleep soon I will crack up.

Oh Cuppa, I am so relieved you have got an appointment today. I would highly recommend that you right down now exactly how you are feeling. Then you can just read it to the doctor when you get there and know that you haven't missed anything out. Please be strong and push the issue that you are not feeling any better and something needs to be done today. Are you going by yourself??

Dp is coming with me, thankfully. Dds are staying with friends for the night, I can't let them see me like this. I hardly recognise myself anymore. Honestly I'm like a zombie. I want to be able to hide away from it all but the flashbacks are constant and when I do manage an hours sleep I have nightmares

You are doing the right thing and it's good the Dp is coming with you. Personally I think they should seriously consider increasing your Quetiapine, I know you said that they won't but I think they need to. I have mine increased in times of desperation and when I feel better It will be reduced slowly.

Hello cuppa I have just found this thread searching for somewhere to post about my own problems. I just wanted to say you DO matter. You sound like you have got fab support in DP do not be afraid to lean on him. You can get through this together. Please keep safe and positive and keep posting. We are all here thinking of you xx

I need something, I can't carry on like this. As for keeping myself safe, another night with no sleep and the answer will be no.
I'm a bit worried about the appointment, I'm scared in case I just burst into tears.

Cuppa I know you have trouble sleeping but what about just relaxing? Have you tried going for a massage/ going for a swim? Can you get out and go for a walk? How about reading a book or just watching some TV or having a bath? I'm sorry if you've tried all this I just know some of these help me when I'm very upset. Xx

I can't manage to leave the house alone without having a panic attack. I can normally read but can't concentrate at the moment. I think that's normally my first sign that I'm going downhill.

Don't you worry one little bit about bursting into tears. That is the whole point of going to the doctors. You MUST MUST tell them that you just can't go on like this. It is so important that you get across to the doctor that sitting around waiting for the MHT is just not good enough. Having suffered myself and had many hurdles one thing I have learnt is you just have to shout to get yourself heard. Tell them that you don't think you can keep yourself safe for much longer. Be strong and be honest with them

I have written everything down so hopefully I won't have to do much talking. I am so nervous. Honestly I hate talking to people, sound a right charmer don't I!