This feels so desperate. Who is responsible?

[DorothyL]

My sil has a history of mental illness, in recent years exacerbated by alcoholism. She goes from being ok to having breakdowns. She has three children, , 11, 9 and 7. My brother left her for somebody else last year. She has friends but their involvement only goes so far. No family. She sees a counsellor twice a week but so far this hasn't stopped the breakdowns from happening. She takes ad's. Her only real support is my mother, who is nearly 73. This just feels so wrong. She is not in the UK. How much can my brother be told that he should be involved? I know he can't be forced, but what is morally right?

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Dorothy...I should imagine the children's welfare is of prime importance. Does you Db have access to them? Is he supportive financially? At your DM time in life she needs to be enjoying some peace, not shouldering this level of support.

I totally agree but the question is who will step in? My brother does pay but maybe not as much as he should, and he does the eow thing, but he is handling this as if it was a straightforward separation, not one with these issues. I really want to find other help but am at a loss!!

Are they your brother's children or do they have a father elsewhere? If the latter where is their dad and how long was DB in their lives?

I feel sad for these kids either way, really. I think weekly or even twice-weekly counselling is not appropriate in this situation ie where there is an active addiction. You need to be reasonably stable to cope with counselling as it kind of tears scabs off - an alcoholic is likely to break down and/or drink if they don't have some stability and coping skills in place first. What she needs is addiction-focused support, ideally daily or residential.

Those poor kids.

He is their dad. Sil having a terrible time again, my mother has been heavily involved inlooking after the children during the holidays (started 5 weeks ago here), my brother has done bits. Db has now gone on holiday which he needs because he works hard , a decidion fully supportedby my mother...makes me so cross