Can someone keep me company please?

[Offred]

Just that really. Feeling very low.

Hey offred. Is it just today or you've been feeling low for a while?

Hi
Do you need a ramble or some distraction? (or something else...)

A looooong time. Most of my life really. Particularly bad at the moment. I'm not sure what I need really, some company. :(

Just come out of another relationship where I've put so much in and just been used. I just feel I can't cope. I have no future without a huge amount of work that i can't do. :(

Hello I'm around for a hand hold too

And he's angry at me and I can't absorb those feelings. He doesn't understand, I don't want him, he treats me like crap. I've just been trying to be understanding and accommodating and always faced with anger when he lets me down. It's not that I'm suffering magical thinking about him being wonderful, I'm just already very low and I just can't take his anger all directed at me again...

There's no solution to my situation either. I have seen women's aid recently. Had counselling, ADs, asked for help. No-one can help.

Every time I try to be fair and brave and responsible I have to face down his anger and suspicion... I think through some of the things he's said to me and they're just awful.

Everyone is sick of hearing it because they think I want him back. I don't, I just can't face his anger.

I don't think he sounds like he was doing your mental health any good at all.

No, but I have tried to end it several times. He let himself into my house when I was sleeping one of those times, another he wouldn't return my keys, he has tried to talk me round in the past, more recently he just directs his anger at me until I just want it to stop and try to fix things. I feel completely mired in it. I've been looking after his dog - he was meant to take him latest in October. I had blocked him and put an ad to sell the dog but then thought I was being unfair to do it without saying and now he's angry and suspicious again... Too much else going on for me at the moment, I can't absorb those feelings of anger, so unjustified and so strong. He knows exactly what to say to break me and I'm afraid.

Do you have any reason to have contact with him?

Only the dog. I have four good homes for the dog to go to in the two days since I put the ad on. I'm afraid now to sell him because he'll be so angry.

I'm officially the owner so no legal reason I can't sell him. Was one of the conditions of the dog living here. Just afraid of the anger really. Wish I hadn't told him.

I'd be able to cope with this if there wasn't so much else going on. Marriage breakdown a couple of years ago and still living in the house, student, no income, four kids...

Ex husband still trying to hold on to the relationship... I'm responsible for everything.

That a lot of burden to put on yourself does he want the dog? If not sell him on change your locks and block him from your life.

He says he does but hasn't shown any real interest in being responsible for him for the whole time he has been living here.

I know I've done a lot of stupid things but they were stupid things trying to be kind to someone I cared for. He's just been mean and ungrateful and insensitive and selfish the whole time and I've known that for months and just been afraid of the strength it will require to get away from him.

You can find that strength, I was with an abusive ex and he dragged me down completely, being free of him is one of the best moves I've ever made, it was hard at the time but now life is so different.

Does he know you are feeling so low?

He does. Or he should do. He has little control over his anger so that will be superseding any human response he might be capable of having at the moment. I've left one abusive ex already and a passive aggressive EA husband... It's just a lot and I know how much it will take. I'm worn down with everything else.

Last Sunday I was in a mess - hadn't eaten for 3 days and was crying on him about being suicidal. He still cancelled our anniversary plans without talking to me because his voluntary work is more important and then put pressure on me not to go into my voluntary work on Monday even though I had a review about moving up a grade... He was angry with me about not being supportive over his voluntary work... I ended it because of that... He just pushes my boundaries all the time and sees me not doing what I'm told as a personal insult.

I jumped right into a relationship with him after I left my husband which is not like me and I know it is stupid. He really did a number on me emotionally when I was vulnerable... I don't blame myself really, I know it's him. I know I don't want to be with someone who treats me the way he does but I had a breakdown in July and still recovering from that and it's very difficult and I'm competely alone - no friends, family not available and a bit dodgy anyway (part of the problem).

Breakdown was due to the way he was treating me - fog lifting, discovering things about him he had been hiding and then his hugely aggressive response where he said awful things that completely destroyed me.

And he said he didn't want me and I started to move on then he came back saying he'd really missed me and didn't want it to end and I got sucked in again.