Mental Normality NOS

[UpOnDown]

Everyone is welcome.

Night Chap, hope you wake up feeling better.

hair sounds gorgeous iwas, all this hair chat (and spending the day waiting for #s1 and 3 to achieve the world's most expensive haircuts/colours/styles yesterday) is making me wonder if anything could be done about my brittle grey straw

are mornings the worst chap or is that feeling fairly consistent?

have been invited to a dressage masterclass thing this afternoon, is not my thing but #3 might enjoy

now I've asked for an appointment am having a very mild breakdown about this therapist business, it is just apprehension really but anything starts to look like a mental breakdown in me

I can't imagine living without a single one of my disordered behaviours, even the quite disgusting ones, the only thing I don't like about them is that I'm not as thin as I could be/have been

I promise that is totally normal.

It's also really unlikely you will say anything that she won't have heard before.

thanks is good not to be going through it alone for a change

I hope it will be different to the nhs people and she won't suggest I get rid of my scales, tape measure, kitchen scales, skin fold calipers and all the things that hold me together, otherwise I will fragment and die

she did say that tiny changes are her thing

and with a tremendous and heroic effort to drag my attention away from myself for a few seconds - How Are You?

Lovely therapist has suggested three things to me in the entire lot of nearly four years.

1. Don't lend my car to someone if it isn't insured for them to drive.
2. Get checked out when I sh badly
3. Do not alter my medication myself.

Other times she will say "what are the pros and cons of doing something" (like moving away, leaving my job, never getting out of bed again) and she will also remind me of stuff I've said before.

I spent the first year just talking and her listening and me telling her the things I Was Not Doing (that she hadn't suggested) because it felt like therapy and because I don't like being told what to do.

(Sorry for the Worlds Longest Post )

that wasn't a very long post at all!

this all looks like very practical CBT type therapy - her message felt very reassuring anyway

on my computer your post was only this big

for some reason I only got 14 days of lithium recently, this is day 14 so I will have to go crawling to the dispensary without a prescription and ask for more

lucky it is not the end of the world to miss a day or two of lithi-yum but is annoying as the script definitely said 'supply 28 days' I watched with my own eyes as it was being written on the special pad that says MENTAL HOSPITAL all over it

I've just had a phonecall from my v v v angry parents having heard about the name change via other family. They can only see it, not any posts or anything but they thought I had done something (got married?) and they were disappointed. So I've don't a lot of lying reassuring about how everyone on fb changed their name when Wolf Hall came out to show they had read the book.

Sometimes my ability to be an idiot astounds me.

I have so much here I could open my own dispensary. It's 1200 so THREE of the massive weird tablets with their funny feel.

eeeeeeeeep surely is up to you what you call yourself

(I don't like my parents much)

Yep. It is. Except I'm the only child, much wanted daughter etc. I could have said that I had changed it due to not wanting his name as he s abused me for ten years and it was time to move away from that, but I didn't, I blamed Popular Culture instead.
I'm seeing them in two weeks time so I need to be nice now so it isn't a day of recriminations.

Life it thrilling sometimes.

it is full of weird challenges isn't it

am glad to be one of 7 and not even a very noteworthy one :)

I have two others who are from the step fathers first marriage, one is in prison and the other is Too Fat Too Function so I am the golden girl who went to university and and is Normal (hahahaha)

whispers

feel an affinity with the Too Fat To Function

Last I heard he was 27 stone.

He is 5ft 3.

same height as me (1.6m?)

weigh self in kg but he might be winning

Do you remember Benefits St? Well there was another one done about his estate not long after and he was asked to be on it but he doesn't leave the flat much as he is So Fat so he said no.

never saw that thing although heard chat about it

am still addicted to the transformational shows about superfat people though

About 172kg.

(I have never ever ever worked out how many times bigger he is than me when I have been different weights. Never).

I just remembered I dreamt I was 13st last night. It was a surprise (as I'm not). I wonder where that came from?