Hi Carbonel,
We're sorry that we had to delete that last post as it did break our posting guidelines, unfortunately. We would strongly urge you to seek RL help as soon as possible if you are having such dark thoughts.
Please contact the Samaritans, by emailing [email protected] or calling 08457 90 90 90. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide here. www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health
Of course you are welcome to seek support on here, indeed you seem to have a lot of virtual friends who would love to help you on MN, but it's no substitute for real life and we must ask you to stay within guidelines.