Why don't people want to speak out about their depression?

[Pitchounette]

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it is an emotive subject, I was absolutely terrified of developing it, not helped by my mother keeping a hawk eye on me, to 'jolly me along' like jollying could have made a difference if I had really developed it...

I make sure I talk about my feelings daily to my fabulous dh, he is so level headed that really helped me through some tough bits. I am lucky to have him, I would have been in trouble without his support.

My local doctors have been doing research into pnd treatments, the practice manager is delightfully 'open' about all the new mums' results...today I she asked another mum why she hadnt replied to her callback letter, in effect letting all of us know that the mum was suffering, such indiscretion!

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its totally normal, pitch.

I want to throw mine out the window quite frequently.

I have a friend who had two close together and a nasty abusive hub, she got so angry one night she threw one across the room, luckilly she landed in a pile of washing. It stopped her crying but my friend suffered years and years of guilt and tortured herself that someone would find out and take them off her, they are both teenagers now and v. happy and healthy

sometimes people do crack, with child protection laws it is terrifying for the innocent, I am in no way condoning child abuse here

For what it's worth, I'm always surprised when I meet a new mum who is NOT depressed... I think it's extremely common although I didn't have it I know so many that did to a greater or a lesser extent. It shouldn't be something to be ashamed of-- but then I also think that it is part of the illness to feel like that.

People on Mumsnet do talk about, hence a talk topic titled "Feeling Depressed". I've never known anyone to get judged on here for admitting to being depressed.

I was depressed during pregnancy and was very frank and open about my feelings towards my unborn baby and those around me and I didn't get anything but support.

I think Mumsnet is a great place to talk about these things.

People dont talk about because it a 'Taboo'subject and people see it as weakness and they would hate people to think they were weak.

My depression is a "secret". Only DH knows about it, and if I need to take tablets and im at, say, MILs, I do it in secret. Even on the phone to bupa today, I found it hard to say "yeah, ive had depression". I feel people will think im "unstable", mad even. My mums even said once when I had a termination, id done the right thing because they'd take the baby into care. She even said not to go to GP for tablets as they might take DS away! I think its more she doesnt want her friends finding out im "mad"... (shes in healthcare). I dont think ill ever feel comfortable saying "yeah, I have depression"...

Well, I bore for England about it, but don't always talk about how bad I can get. My friends know about it and so do all my family. I haven't felt that it was a stigma for ages. It certainly affected my life insurance, because I was a 'risk' of suicide (and hence paying out!), but, other than that, most people I meet are really 'up' on how common it is.

Oh yeah i forgot that,we are all nuts!

spooky,,,,,your mum is like mine, of a different generation when folk were so backwards in their thinking about any mental health issue.

times have changed. When my mum came out with 'pearls of wisdom' about breastfeeding/babyrearing/etc I gently had to remind her that Her experiences came from about 25yrs ago, and science had changed!!! she still doesnt trust that there are two types of breast milk, fore and hind!!!

I would not be comfortable with my whole family knowing if I were depressed, there would be too much supportive bitching when i wasnt there, and too much are you OK??? quiet to one side questionning when I was...

ps. my mil is a midwife too, and she would probably have me committed!!!!!!!!1

I'm not sure or not if some of the depression I feel relates back to the birth of my first child almost 6 years ago ( I have 3 now). I know I had a terrible time with my first and never really addressed it. To cut a long story short it came to a head this summer, and I have been on Prozac for about 2 months. Only a few pple know this - none of my family - only my dh and a couple of very close friends. There is a stigma. Despite what pple say, I feel a failure for having to take ADs - like I'm weak or something. I recently had to go in for some minor surgery and declare all medication. I just about whispered 'Prozac' - I felt terrible . It should not be so stigmatised.

because they are ashamed

because people say insensitive and stupid things in response

because you've had a baby and therefore should be really happy

had horrific PND after DS- i have no problem talking about it on here and in RL. i have never seen a thread on the 'feeling depressed' board become nasty or judgemental...

its in RL you seem to get the problems.

i think it is sad when posters change their name to talk about their depression as they don't wish to be recognised...
BUT
people are scared how strongly they feel when they are depressed - that they could hurt themselves or the baby and dont want to admit it...

I'm only 25 and I've suffered since I was 17 and it's not something I'm ashamed of but I don't have it tattooed on my forehead. All my friends know and so do the family. The good thing I've found about being open about it is that the most surprising people will come to me for a chat when they need to cos they know I'll be sympathetic. Thankfully didn't suffer PND but didn't appreciate my MIL telling dh to "watch" me when she thought I couldn't hear. Stupid woman!

Honestly though, I have been on ADs (on and off) for about 10 years. I do think it is ourselves that create the 'stigma', because I really don't ever feel it. Perhaps I'm just a gobby cow who will tell the world anything about my private life

Or maybe I have just been lucky not to meet any really insensitive people!

Dior - you are lucky

i was accused of hypochondria ,laziness and was told to pull myself together by various people

even after garnering opinions from:
3 GPs
1 NHS psychiatrist
1 private psychiatrist
1 private GP
2 HVs
my mum ( a trained counsellor specialising in perinatal health!)
4 community psychiatric nurses

apparently, it was all 'in my mind ' and i just needed to think positive!

now i am well , i a more than happy to discuss willy nilly, at the time, i didn;t have the energy.

There are those insensitive sods out there who will tell you to pull yourself together, there are even those here on MN who think it funny to tell those with depression that they are boring or whatever.

But the majority will applaud you for speaking out. I still have black days, days when I get paranoid and fearful, when I can feel panic creeping in, when I will lie awake listening to imaginary sounds and seeing shadows move, imagining horrific scenarios in my head and being too afraid to wake dh in case he didn't understand.

I've kissed my kids goodnight thinking I would never see them again. All of this I still get, and I'm honest about this. Nowadays I just get on with it, I live with it. I'm lucky that I tend to have silly highs as well as terrible lows. And I now have ways of dealing with the depression when it comes.

I think Mumnset is a lovely place to come when you are feeling low.

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I applied for a job recently had to fill in a medical form which included a question on depression. And it was one of those forms that said: "if you lie at any point we can fire you in the future and we want to be able to see your doctors notes".

So I put down, very honestly, that I had suffered from depression, but had not required any treatment for at least five years and have had about 3 days off sick in the last five years.

At the job interview I was asked about this by the HR officer and explained this again.

The phone rang last week adn I was told. The HR officer you spoke to made notes stating "This person could be considered disabled under the definition of the act!" and "a full risk assesment would be required to see if this person could cope with this job"

This is now on my record for this company and, if I get offered the job, could affect my future prospects!!

Indicences (sp) like that are why so many of us are reluctant to talk about it!

Still angry about it now!

Mumsnet is an outspoken place. Best not to take anything too personally. Remember other posters do not actually know you.
I've suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder & depression. Initially, I felt ashamed to admit I had depression because it felt like I was a failure. Now, I don't care. With ADs, I am able to function fine.
When you are depressed it is very easy to feel that everyone is down on you and to become hypersensistive in a way that you might not when you are not depressed.
The more depression is discussed here, and everywhere else the more we can do to make people feel more comfortable with the whole issue.

There still seems to be a stigma to depression and PND. You are worried that someone will assume that because you have pnd you will do something to harm the baby.

AnguaVonUberwald - I would be fumming too.

I have suffered on and off since the age of 16 as a result of my thyroid being underactive. I am quite open about it but have come acorss many insensitive people who have told me to pull myself together. I also suffered PND after both of my children and was told not to be daft by a gp because I had bonded with my children. I would never of hurt the children or myself but if any one else touched my children I wanted to kill that person.

A "Friend" reported me to Social services whilst I was ill claiming that my house was unfit for habitation and that I wasn't feeding the children properly. It resulted on 4 weeks of hell as they kept comming out to check on me. They eventually signed the case off but now I am terrified of it happening again. I ended up staying on the tablets longer as well because I was so upset over it all. It realy set me back.

My FIl is having severe problems with depression and won't admit to anyone that there is something wrong and refuses to see his psychiatrist. We are going through hell and back as a family at the momment. He has decided that people will judge him and find him to be less of a man if they find out what is going on.

I've never ever felt ashamed of having PND -- though before I was diagnosed, I knew next to nothing about it; I just thought it meant feeling suicidal (which I never did, thankfully). I never dreamed it could happen to me. I did post under another name on MN when I was struggling with it, but that was because I didn't feel like myself. It wasn't to do with being ashamed, just that I was conscious that this wasn't me, IYSWIM.

I was so relieved to find out that I actually had something wrong with me that I felt a weight lift when I got the diagnosis, and I certainly don't hide the fact (in RL or on MN) that I've had it, and that PND is hell. I'd love to think that I've educated people about it a bit. The trouble is, everyone's experience of PND seems to differ so much, it's really an umbrella term. I don't think you can expect everyone to really 'get' depression. I only got one or two dismissive comments in RL from my sister but I knew she just didn't have a clue and so it didn't bother me too much.

Actually I struggled much more with the idea that I'd need ADs. The thought of being on head meds for a length of time was the scary/shameful bit, for me. But I got over that.

I've never read a Feeling Depressed thread that has turned sour.

MN was so helpful to me when I was ill.