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Why don't people want to speak out about their depression?

73 replies

Pitchounette · 17/10/2006 20:40

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
madmarchscare · 20/10/2006 22:26

I have also lied on job application forms.

mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 21/10/2006 11:15

VVVQV - can i print off your description of depression for my in laws please. FIL is at rock bottom and MIL is struggling to cope with how it is affecting him.

tootiredtotalk · 21/10/2006 11:46

i will quite happily speak out about my depression. Its not something anyone should be ashamed about.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/10/2006 14:16

Yes, of course you can. Can you cat me please though?

twinsetandpearls · 21/10/2006 14:22

I suffer from crippling depression and while I am not ashamed to talk about it, unfact I have doen public speaking about my experieces I just don't want to become defined by my illness. I donlt hide it but I try not to talk about it all the time.

I wasn't aware that it was a taboo subject on Mumsnet, I ahve been the vitim of the odd cruel comment on here but they have been idiots and while I may have been hurt at the time I have nit felt deterred from coming on here.

I do worry sometimes about people with serius mental health problems relying too much on well meaning anecdotal advice rather than getting proper help.

twinsetandpearls · 21/10/2006 14:23

I will echo Rhubarb in that I ahve been very open and hoest about the fact that my depression leaves me with any real maternal feelings towards my dd and I ahve had lots of support and kind words on here.

lulumama · 21/10/2006 14:27

I do worry sometimes about people with serius mental health problems relying too much on well meaning anecdotal advice rather than getting proper help.

an excellent point twinset...we can all share our individual experiences....and support each other and be there when the going gets that little bit too tough...but it;s not a substitute for medical help..but the emotional support you get from people who've gone through it or are going through it ..is invaluable...wish i;d known about MNET when i had PND!

foulmoonfiend · 21/10/2006 14:31

I think people individually are supportive about depressive illnesses (apart from the one or two who will be nasty about anything tbh) but agree that generally in society there is still a ridiculous anmount of ignorance and prejudice. To your face employes will say they have an 'open' door policy but I know so many people who have been knocked back time after time for jobs because they have admitted t having suffered from depression. The phrase mental illness seems to conjure up unfortunate conotations for a lot of people. I work for a charity supporting people with a range of mental health problems from PND right up to long and enduring problems and some of the issues they have to tackle from the rest pf the world are quite heart-rending.
Many of the mums who are 'invited to attend our Post natal support group daren't tell anyone they're coming. One mum even said she wouldn't attend as she didn'yt think her dh would like her coming to a group and ''mixing with mentally ill people''

lulumama · 21/10/2006 14:33

foulmoonfield

considering approximately 1 in 4 people will suffer with mental health issues at some point...there is still a shocking amount of ignorance and fear!

is the charity you work for a local one or nationwide?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/10/2006 14:44

What I didnt have time to say yesterday is that there is still huge misconceptions about mental illness - and depression is included in that. I think things reached fever pitch with it in Victorian times when women who had children outside of marriage or were unfaithful, or spoke out too much about something, were committed to assylums. These assylums were quite often brutal "prisons" in effect, whereby inpatients often were subject to systematic abuse. Therefore, it simply made people close down and want to hide anything that might put them there. This thought has perpetuated through history and is still there today. Alot of people that feel they are suffering mental illness do not want to admit it for fear of either being "locked up" or taken away from their family or their family taken away from them.

Of course, that is if they actually recognise that they are ill in the first place. The very nature of illness - in particular - depression, you dont actually realise that you are ill as such. Not for a long while anyway. The thoughts that you do have are so dark or peculiar you dont want to admit them.

That, on top with the very definition of mental illness - there is this wild stereotype that if you are mentally ill it means you run around naked with a bra on your head flapping your arms like a chicken or something. Which of course is not true. But, movie portrayals etc etc. We dont want to associate ourselves with that stereotype.

Finally, there is an innate feeling of failure that comes with depression - its part of the illness but it feels very real (in some cases the cause of depression can be linked with the feelings behind failure/sadness but it can work either way. But the kind of failure I am talking about is feeling that we have failed because we arent mentally strong enough to cope with what life throws at us (unlike some people seem to do), and therefore - we have failed ourselves and our families. Again - this is just not the case.

It took me a good long time to realise first of all that I had depression, and then quite a while longer to start admitting it to people. I realised after a while that there was no good reason for not mentioning it - it explained alot of things tbh. Especially now I am feeling much better. I will quite happily talk about it, and mention it in conversation with anyone - should the subject arise.

I wrote a piece on how depression feels so the people could understand it, particularly if they have never "been there". I like people to show it to other people, and to put my name to it. I am proud of it, and I am NOT ashamed to admit I had PND. Why should I be? The more I do it, hopefully others will do the same, and sooner or later, a trend will be set. Could take many many years, but what the hey......

VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/10/2006 14:46

Blimey - that was longer than I thought it would be - sorry!

PandaG · 21/10/2006 15:02

I quite openly talk about my depression, if it comes up in conversation, for example someone asking why I quit teaching. Anyone who has spent much time with me in RL will know I have been depressed, and will know that I am always careful with myself even now, 10 years later, as there have been a few occasions when I have been on the brink of needing ADs again. I didn't have PND or AND, but was carefully watched by the HV as she knew my past history.

I found it hard to admit to my family that I was depressed, as I felt they would stigmatise me, but I could not have been more wrong. They were extremely supportive. DH was and still is amazing!

I have found the more open I am about my depression, the less likely it is for me to sink too far into another bout. Appreciate this will not be true for others, but it seems to work for me.

foulmoonfiend · 21/10/2006 19:21

lulumama - it's voluntary sector local charity, but bursting at the seams with referrals
I get some stick from some people when they find out where I work - it's terrifying how many people seem to confuse mental illness with mental impairment....or make cracks about straitjackets. ''do you take your work home with you? I bet you have a padded cell instead of a homne office'' was the latest offering.

foxinsocks · 21/10/2006 19:25

FMF, how ignorant of them

I think there will always be certain people who think people with depression are putting it on - especially when the benefit figures come out and it becomes clear how many people are off work and claiming allowances because they are depressed.

I think some people see it as a weakness aswell. Thought the Stephen Fry programme was v good for dispelling some myths.

Pitchounette · 22/10/2006 08:32

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OP posts:
lulumama · 22/10/2006 08:38

do you take your work home with you? I bet you have a padded cell instead of a homne office'' was the latest offering. wtf ?

and that is why people don;t talk openly about depression!

mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 22/10/2006 10:46

VVVQV I would love to cat you but can't afford the subscription at the moment. my email adress is mummyhillandtheminihills @ yahoo . co. uk.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/10/2006 18:57

Have mailed you

Smurfgirl · 22/10/2006 20:05

I tell everyone about my mental health problems. The reaction I get the most is that I don't seem the type ! What does that mean.

I sort of wear my issues on my sleeve if you will though because I used to SI.

mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 22/10/2006 21:21

Thank you have just sent you a short hello back.

foulmoonfiend · 23/10/2006 10:02

Smurf

Do people ever comment?

Smurfgirl · 24/10/2006 17:38

fmf people ask me yes, and I tell them. No negetively because I am v.matter of fact I speak out a lot by my SI because it is not spoken about.

butagoz · 26/10/2006 13:22

Guess what? I have offered NCT (head office) to volunteer as a counsellor to work with mums with PND and they sent me to my local brunch. Then my local brunch commented that they are not doing such thing so better not! I am a trainee psychotherapist and feel happy to offer free counselling, since I have suffered PND myself. Now I am volunteering through Birth Trauma Association, but shame to NCT!

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