Why don't people want to speak out about their depression?

[Pitchounette]

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I had AND, ante-natal depression and there is less known about this than PND yet it is just as prevalent. The reason less is known about it is because fewer women are willing to talk about it and judging by my experiences it's no wonder! I was not taken seriously at all, one of my friends who had children told me that if I felt that way I should have had an abortion!

At the time I felt as though I could easily have harmed my unborn baby and indeed at 8 months pregnant I very nearly did! Only then did anyone sit up and take notice!

I wish I had known about Mumsnet then! When I fell pregnant for a second time however I did have Mumsnet. People on here knew what I'd been through with my first and I had set up a website to deal with it. I got nothing but support and lots of other mums came "out of the closet" as it were and admitted that they'd had AND too.

I have seen depression threads turn a little nasty, mainly down to the OP presuming everyone knew what was wrong, but not everyone did. I think the problem now is that people tend to ignore the depression threads because they are not in the Chat section and there is no scandal attached to it, nothing to gossip about.

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Absolutely - yes!

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depression to me is a very personal illness. I think a lot of people are too scared of the stigmas attached to being depressed and what people will think of them if they tell them that they are depressed.

i think that if AND & PND was discussed in depth with pregnant women,,,especially first time mums.... they wouldn;t believe it would happen to them..until you've had that baby and had the experience, you can't imagine it, certainly not as anything other than a lovely and fulfilling experience.

and in the first few weeks it is so hard to tell depression from being exhausted and overwhelmed as a new mum

and until you've been depressed...you can;t imagine that either...the impact on your life and your family..why you can't just get out of bed and get on with it

i think women should get more support and advice re depression after the birth....once you've had your 6 week check, your on your own ,especially if you go back to work and have no contact with HV...

My first bout of PND was not diagnosed till dd was 12 months old as I was too good at hiding how I was feeling from others I didn't want to admit that there was a problem.

Second time round I realised there was a problem and went to the gp and asked for help. I was told not to be foolish that it was just the baby blues. It couldn't be PND as i had bonded with the baby. I ended up calling my HV in a right state, she came out and assessed me and made an appointment with another gp at the surgery who prescribed AD's.

I am sick to the teeth with stigma,so i am not ashamed and will go into all those nasty details about my depression,most people are not shocked as no doubt some of them must have felt the same way

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I think part of the problem with PND is the term 'depression'. My PND manifested itslef in extreme and debilitating anxiety as well as uncontrollable mood swings and anger towards my gorgeous ds. It was terrifying, but I didn't label it as PND because although I felt nothing like myself I was so manic that I didn't think it could be depression.

I think there is some truth in what the previous poster said about education being of limited value because you can't understand until you've had the baby, but I do think a broader message about how PND can manifest itself would be helpful.

As an aside, I started feeling a bit low again after a few months of being ok. I contacted HV who came out to see me. She was useless and sat in almost total silence throughout. In the end, becuase I needed to fill the silence I said something bland about going to get ds weighed at clinic as hadn't been for months. She looked at my notes and said 'hmmmm yes that was in June - he had a bruise under his left eye'. And that was it! She left me feeling worse than when she arrived.

Mummyscaryhouseonthehill. Shocked at your friend!!!
I have to admit that one of my fears about parenthood is how a medical history of depression "follows you around". For example if we can't concieve, I can't imagine they would let us adopt!

needless to say they are no longer a friend the house was untidy but nowhere near as bad as some of the how clean is your house episodes I have seen, and as for the not feeding the children the HV and everyone else laughed their heads off ds is on the top centile for height and weight and dd whilst not fat does not look underfed or malnourished. She alleged that she did it to try and get me the hel she thought I needed although never offered any support/help herself. I was allready on ad's receiving support from mental health team and hv and my name was down for a homestart volunteer. What else did she think I needed?

ohh bugger have I killed another thread?

Mummyscaryhouseonthehill. They phoned this morning and told me I have got the job. So it can't have counted to much against me!!

Still so shocked at your friend

Wow that's great congratualtions on the new job.

Thankyou, really pleased, its taken about 6 months to come through, so had started to think it wasn't going to happen.

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Before PND I would never have admitted seeing a counsellor/therapist (I almost wore a beard and dark glasses on my first visit), never admitted I had a problem/couldn't cope/needed help etc. But I have to say, in a strange way whilst PND is one of the worst experiences of my life and one I will never ever forget (too scared to have anymore los) it has changed me for the better as well. I am not scared anymore to ask for help, admit I have/am still seeing a counsellor, have a problem. I do talk about it to other people and certainly new mums/mums to be because I feel no-one (certainly in RL) is honest about a) just how hard it is to be a mum (and that's without PND) and b) how common PND is. So Pitch I totally agree. I was finishing my degree at the time of my ds' birth (final year) and when people ask me what I got, I reply "a damn good dose of PND"!! Rhubarb - your accounts are very familiar to me.

Pitch - maybe WE should train the gp's and hv's!!

This is a subject i feel strongly about, but havent got time to post grr...willb e back later.....

Lots of things to do with Victorian assylums etc.... and nature of illness itself....

back soon!!!

I must be thick-skinned then, because I tell a lot of people I'm seeing a counsellor . Only friends, but a lot of them! They don't think I'm mad, or rather they know I am, but still see me!

There seems to be to be a fine line between feeling a bit down (oh OK really shite most of the time), and being clinically depressed, and/or having AND / PND. I would class myself as the former but that doesn't mean I don't have moments / the odd day where I feel like crying, like I can't cope etc.

I wouldn't describe myself as depressed, because whoever I told would imagine I was always depressed, rather than just, say, twice a week, and OK the rest of the time. I just about manage to cope and I know some people are much worse off than me so it would seem wrong for me to claim that I had PND and get sympathy etc. Not explaining very well. Maybe I do subconsciously feel there is a stigma and that once I describe myself as depressed, people will always see me as that depressed girl and forget that I am still the same person, and can sometimes even have a good time.

Also, for me, if I admit to being 'depressed', as I have done in the past, it tends to become a real big problem, whereas if I pretend everything's OK really it somehow ends up being OK in the end - does that make sense? May not be the trendy answer but onwards & upwards is one way of dealing with it.

Sorry to go on about me! This is all interesting! Xx

I find it easy to talk to people who are my friends and know everything that has gone on and attributed to my depression.

My family don't know that I have ever taken ad's unless they have seen them in the cupboard, have been known to hide them when parents come to visit, just can't cope with them thinking I can't cope, have always been emotionally strong or good at hiding it or so they think.

Have been off them for 8 months until today that is when I sat and cried at Gp about how c**p I feel atm.

Have spent the day wondering whether its right to not tell work I am back on ad's. I think I would have a real problem telling any of my work collegues that I suffer/have suffered (and their all nurses)

So even though I know there isn't a stigma attatched bec none of my friends judge me, I am afraid to tell work/family.

I have never told ILs as they have really old fashioned ideas about depression and I just cant be bothered going through it all with them. They are very nice people but I dont think they would change their views even if I made the effort.

Friends wise, I tell them bits but not the moments when Im hanging out of the window because I think I cant breathe or when I imagine horrible things happening to me or DS.

DH?, well, although he had inherited his parents attitude he has tried really hard to try and understand.

My mum does try and we are very close but she has a thing about ADs because she saw a lot of what the old drugs did to her aunt.

TBH, and it is really sad, but I think my GP knows about my personal circumstance than anyone else.

I would like to tell everyone but when I feel low, I just havent the strength to fight the prejudice. I dont want to be the guineapig IYSWIM. When I feel good, I feel good and dont want to 'go there' (and secretly hope it will not come back).