Winter in the village - support for all kinds of MH issues - depression, anxiety, OCD, psychosis, bipolar...

[creamhearts]

I know the thread is a bit dead but I thought I would start a new one and see if we can keep it going xx

Thanks silvery. You're right, I'm not at all sleepy. I'm led in bed but wide awake and knowing DSS will be up around 7 so I really should get some sleep. I don't know where I stand tbh. I thought DP was happy with me seeking a counsellor but it's not worked out and he just doesn't want to know.

I've just had a text off a friend saying we'll catch up next week and talk things through. It's upset me a bit because whilst I do hugely appreciate the support from friends, it just makes me feel shit about the situation with DP. But then I don't know if I'm just being harsh on DP. He's feeling unwell (physically) and I was out for 4 hours today. I know DSS is his son but it's not easy having an excitable 5 year old around when you're feeling unwell.

I don't know, just feel pretty shoddy right now.

How are you Silvery ? It's late for you to be up too. Hope you're okay.

Am a night owl - don't usually get to bed before 12.30 at the best of times :) Then I have a problem getting up in the morning. Am about to take half a quetiapine, which should help me become sleepy in about half an hour.

Does your DP know what you'd like him to do for you - have you told him? I wanted mine to hug me and told him so (but he wouldn't, he was not a nice man by the end of our marriage) Your DP might find that easier than, say, listening to you (sometimes we need to have a good moan, but this goes down better with women friends than anyone else, I find)

I'm still not asleep and I've just realised it's 4am!!! Will be up in 3 and a half hours with DSS :/

silvery I hope your quetiapine helped. Sorry to hear you ex wouldn't even give you a hug! Tbh I think you may be right about DP. Perhaps he thinks because he asked about it over text then it's fine. Maybe I just need to spell it out more. He did roll over in bed about half hr ago and snuggled up to me which was nice.

Faith, i hope you got some sleep, can you leave your DP to deal with DSS for a bit later while you catch up on some sleep?

I don't think i have ever had a conversation with DP about my counselling sessions, apart from to say "its ok" that was what I wanted though, i can't remember if he ever asked. The trouble with my DP is some of the stressors affecting me are affecting him to so he is struggling (but of course being a man he doesn't seek help but internalises it and then can't cope when i have a melt down - i become the reason for his problems - argghhh, but thats us). I found the counselling very personal and didn't want to share it with him, epecially as our relationship was something under discussion.

That doesn't mean that you don't need to and deserve to be able to debrief. It may be that when you find a counsellor that suits you, it will also become you personal thing. Everyone is different.

Its horrible when you can't sleep and i think its always worse when you know you have to get up, its like it is that that is keeping you awake. I remember not sleeping for three days once. It was awful, i was so tired yet as soon as i went to bed my thoughts would be racing. The only thing that snapped me out of that was sleeping tablets, they really helped actually. I didn't have to take them for long (about three days) before it reset my body clock and i was able to sleep.

You sound like a lovely step-mum but your DSS really is your DP's responsibility and he mustn't put that onto you. Yes, you must do things together but he needs to be involved. That is not fair to you or his DS.

Morning all, sorry to hear people having a rubbish night. I actually slept a bit better last night, went to bed at 9pm!! Still woke up once or twice but think slept for the most part. Have had a headache since ystd evening which I am guessing is the lack of caffeine, hoping that will go off soon.

Am worrying about work, meant to be going in tomos but don't think will be well enough also really need to see my dr and get some meds or something! I know my manager has had issues with anxiety herself so I think/hope she will be understanding but still feel bad for letting my team down.

girlie, you are not letting your team down. If you are unable to work due to your anxiety, you would be doing them no favours by going in to work. Can you get an emergency dr appointment tomorrow and maybe get signed off? if you start meds, they can take a few weeks to start working and you can feel a bit rubbish for the first few days.

I am still struggling, but slept well, despite disturbing dreams (happens alot). It sort of dawned on me this morning that it is the "what ifs" and uncertainty that i can't deal with. Put me slap bang in the middle of a crisis happening now and i cope, in fact if im honest, im the one who copes best out of me and DP. But if i don't know how to resolve something, or i can't deal with it there and then i meltdown. So i can meltdown over something that is out out my control or meltdown over something that is imaginary - the what ifs. I don't know how to control that.

Still getting suicidal thoughts, not wanting to do it, just picturing how i will :( its very scary, it almost feels inevitable.

Good morning all

Oh Lem, I'm so so sorry you're having suicidal thoughts, wish I could say something to make things better for you

Regarding partners, my dh isn't particularly supportive of my MH issues, & tbh, my marriage is so crap I think I'd be healthier without him. But we have a child so I stay and try and make the best of it.

Good morning night owls

How about the Serenity prayer, Lem I say it to myself like a mantra it works sometimes It is such a hard thing to work with dh, from home. It is not your fault though, dont despair.

Yes, I think counselling is personal, and sometimes we're just not well enough to engage.

Girlie look after you, see gp and get signed off. I did this, just had a meltdown and was off for seven months. It takes ages to recover from mental unwellness..long, slow boring, but it helps to be kind to you yourself.

I took dpup out for a walk, it was so beautiful. I feel this fear in me though.

What sort of pup do you have hoochy?

I often say the serenity prayer to myself - its nice to be reminded of it.

I don't feel very accepting just now, i am angry, i am exhausted by this anxiety and i feel i am not being supported medically. I don't know what i want really but i don't feel like i am being taken seriously - i don't want to just be given some tablets that help me get from one day to another (which i know is actually a bonus for many of us and i am generally happy with that) but I WANT MY LIFE BACK! fuck sake

Sorry xx

Thanks everyone, feeling up and down today, been over to my flat and sorted my cats out, tidied up a bit which is good but I just feel so flat

Lem you sound exactly like me at the moment! I have had some horrible dreams as well and I sometimes get this image of committing suicide, not that I would ever do it but just for some relief from life!! Hoping Gp will be helpful tomos.....

Whats the serenity prayer?

Serenity Prayer
Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.

I had never read the second verse before, I am not especially religious but right now it is something that i would like to take on board. Because i need a rest from the worry!

I love the serenity prayer. I'm becoming a regular on the prayer thread but even though I plan to every week, I haven't been to church since midnight mass. Thanks for sharing lem.

Thanks all for the comments re your partners. I don't think I'd want to talk to DP about the actual content but it'd be nice for him to ask how it went, but then in his eyes he did as he asked by text. Our flat is tiny and it's really hard to not be woken up by DSS but tbf to DP he managed to keep him occupied / quiet enough for me to sleep in. I didn't get up until 12

You all talking about suicidal thoughts and wanting your life back makes me realise I'm not alone in my struggles. I can completely relate to everything you say lem and girliefriend. I wish their was a magic wand I could wave over everyone and make it all better. girliefriend please don't feel like you're letting the team down. You're not and you need to look after yourself right now.

Hope everyone's having a good afternoon.

I genuinely don't know what's real and what's not right now. I was thinking about counselling yesterday and how I've had bad experiences in the past. I distinctly remember one counsellor asking me to show her my scars, I can even picture the room. But now I realise it can't have been her as I wasn't self harming until after that point! I'm now confusing myself with everything that's happened and I've no idea what's real and what's not. This is really scary.

It sounds like the counselling has opened things up for you a bit there faith, you are bound to get confused. It is really common for counselling to be really tough, in fact, its probably not working if its too easy.

Can you find a way to distract yourself with the here and now? anything you like doing? play an online game? has your DSs gone home now? Remember you will be really tired after the lack of sleep, despite the lay in, so don't expect too much of yourself. Sorry, can't remember if you are on any medication at all.

pathetic attempt to cheer us all up I know, but all I can think of at the moment. I've spent most of today crying at the least little thing.

have some to go with the i am contemplating myself

lem thank you for your reply. I think you're right about it opening things up. Even though we didn't specifically speak about things really, it's still made me think a lot. DSS is at his mums / enroute (DP's gone to drop him off) so I've spent some time tidying his room and sorting out the things he's outgrown. Still lots to do and need to wait until DP gets home to check what he wants to do with the things, but it's distracted me for a while.

Sending hugs to you LikeIcan a is the perfect solution to any problem :) soon to be in-laws came today and brought some chocolate cake. Think I may take up lem's suggestion of with the

Sorry to hear so many of you are having a tough time at the moment.

Sending (((hugs))) to lem, faith, hoochy, likei, girlie Thinking of you all and hope tomorrow is better.

Thank you for the (( hugs )) colouringinqueen, much appreciated.

Off to get some sleep now, hope tomorrow is kind to all of us.

xx

im off to bed too. i find the weekends easier because dd is home from school. dp is letting me "help"him at work tomorrow.

Thanks for the hugs, I have the drs at 11:10 can feel the anxiety building up so going to have to try and distract myself for the next 2 hours. Am back at my flat now which is nice but daunting as well, couldn't get my normal dr so got a male one that I am not sure if I have met before not, hoping he is nice..... wish me luck.

good luck girlie x

Good luck girlie. Hope it goes well

Thanks so have been, dr was nice although he looked about 12 he has signed me off work for 2 weeks and started me on a months worth fluoxetine. Anyone else taken this? Made the mistake of looking at the list of side effects

Feeling low now, bit teary not sure why but just hate feeling like this