is anybody around to keep me sane tonight?

[inthenickoftime]

I really need somebody to talk to just to keep my mind running away from me. Long story short told my bf something he didn't want to hear and he left me.

I suffer from PMDD and have in the past sunk into a deep depression resulting in a suicide attempt after i split with my exdp. I am currently 4 days before I'm due on which means any day now my mood swings and depression will be kicking in for a full week.

I know that i don't want to do anything stupid now, no matter how bad i feel. But come the weekend if my bf decides he doesn't want to be with me and ds is up his dads then i don't know how i will be feeling.

i don't know why I'm posting here really....just for some company through the weekend??

Tree is all done....need to get some more room decs though but way too skint. Will try and upload a pic of my pitiful attempt.

Hooray for the tree

The tree is in dire need of more illumination but i hate dairy lights. I'm too short to get them round properly. Back in bed now though with my mind racing. Starting to wonder if what i did was actually as awful as he seems to think. I suppose it is if I've hurt him but it was completely unintentional. Shouldn't i be allowed ive mistake??

One mistake even!

I suppose it's down to him to decide how much it matters to him, and you can't change that by worrying. But of course my saying that is all very easy and has no effect on what your brain decides to do this evening

Have you got an audiobook you could listen to or something else you could focus on for a while? Perhaps the radio.

Hope you're sleeping nick.

Hi enpoid, i did manage to sleep for a few hours but it wasn't very restful iykwim i don't know what to do with myself today. My face is a puffy mess so don't really want to go anywhere/see anyone.

The trick with big trees and lights (or tinsel if you're a tinsel user) is NOT to wrap them all around the tree, but to zigzag them across the front and sides of the tree. No one can see round the back anyway so it really doesn't matter...

Sorry to hear your BF had such a big reaction to your news - I suspect he's been burnt before by a cheating girlfriend, hence his OTT response - he may well come back and discuss it with you like a man at some point, and I hope he does. If he doesn't, then he's an immature twatbadger anyway and, even though he seemed wonderful, you're best off without immature twatbadgers in your life. A bit like those "friends" of yours.

I did the zig zag technique but i can only reach so high before i start making a mess of it. I was planning on getting him to do it last night but obviously that didn't happen.

i know you say i will ne better off without him if he decides to finish things but I really don't want that. I just hope that he can see that I really didn't mean to hurt him and that I'm worth putting up with.

Ive been awake since 5 but today would have to be the morning that ds doesn't wake up at stupid oclock!

Well ds is up and very impressed with the tree. At least i make one person happy. He did ask where bf was though :(

Glad your DS likes the tree

I think you woke up at about the time I went to sleep

Early waking is such an awful soul dragging thing; I hope the hours you did manage to get in are a help for today.

Aside from being absolutely shattered I don't feel as bad as i thought i would today. There's nothing i can do now, ive just got to let him make his mind up. I'm not holding my breath though....i really wish i could turn back time and have told him straight away.

Hope you have a good day nick - you're making a lot of sense. Wish I could be so sanguine

Thanks but im not really coping that well. Every time im on my own out the kitchen i keep crying. Plus ive tipped a full potty of wee and poo all over the floor :( only good thing is it was on the lino not the carpet.

It does sound really hard and i don't want to minimise that. It's the uncertainty I think, that makes it so hard to cope with. But I do admire your holding it together as much as you are, and crying on your own in the kitchen is entirely understandable IMO

Typical, a literal shit-tipping incident - just what you didn't need three cheers for lino.

It is the not knowing which is the worst.

And my mop and slippers are now taking a shower in the rain :-\ lucky ive got about 5 pairs.

Not on your slippers?!

IN my slippers!! I'm obviously being tested.

Also , of course.

My feet are now squeaky clean minus a few layers of skin.

You'd probably pay good money for that somewhere.

Like the fish pedicure? Poo pedicure the new rage!!