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Original poster

is anybody around to keep me sane tonight?

89 replies

inthenickoftime · 10/12/2014 22:13

I really need somebody to talk to just to keep my mind running away from me. Long story short told my bf something he didn't want to hear and he left me.

I suffer from PMDD and have in the past sunk into a deep depression resulting in a suicide attempt after i split with my exdp. I am currently 4 days before I'm due on which means any day now my mood swings and depression will be kicking in for a full week.

I know that i don't want to do anything stupid now, no matter how bad i feel. But come the weekend if my bf decides he doesn't want to be with me and ds is up his dads then i don't know how i will be feeling.

i don't know why I'm posting here really....just for some company through the weekend??

OP posts:
Original poster
inthenickoftime · 10/12/2014 23:32

Can i just day thank you so much for keeping me company. Its exactly what i needed. If you are around the weekend you will be a lifesaver!

OP posts:
Justpickone · 10/12/2014 23:38

Do the tree now and get It out the way so you can wallow in the loveliness of how fab it's going to be to see DS face. Don't fanny about thinking you've ages, do the tree. Sorry I'm bossy!

But do the fecking tree.

So. All in all a very bonkers day. I do sometimes think these things must happen to other people but they don't seem to.

Oh, another one to make you laugh... I was called to head mistresses office about dd. She concludes meeting. I get up and instead of saying 'thank you, goodbye' like a normal person I say (flustered and nervouse and generally a social twat)

'Cheers sweet cheeks, see ya'

Head teacher.

Then I pulled door towards myself to exit and banged myself in the forehead which developed into a vertical stripe shaped bruise and now I can never look her in the face again.

Justpickone · 10/12/2014 23:40

Assume you've worked out I'm not good at advice but can do distraction til the cows come home?!

Original poster
inthenickoftime · 10/12/2014 23:41

If i was the HT i would be happy to be called sweet cheeks.

the tree will be dealt with once ive poured my wine away. Alcohol is the absolute worst thing for me to have and at the moment i just want to finish the bottle.

OP posts:
Justpickone · 10/12/2014 23:43

So... In the nicest possible way.. Why the fuck have you got wine?!

Actually I know the answer but still
Pour it away. Then put some
Music on and do the tree.

What music do you like?

Original poster
inthenickoftime · 10/12/2014 23:50

I bought wine for me and bf. Made us a stir fry and had some wine. Still 2/3 of a bottle left.
i don't really want to do the tree anymore in case he does decide its over and i should give it back along with everything else hes given me because he is one of the most generous people ive met.

OP posts:
Justpickone · 10/12/2014 23:53

Ok, you can get another tree tho? If you are up for a while what else can you do?

Also, if his relationship is on the rocks it's unlikely he'll be looking to deal with a tree surely that's the least of his concern?

I'm
Just thinking f getting through tonight and doing the tree even if it comes down will be worth it to a. Give you something to focus on and b. See DS face tomorrow even if you have to replace the tree.

Original poster
inthenickoftime · 10/12/2014 23:54

I know it sounds stupid but I'm really missing not having him here. I hadn't seen him since Sunday so i was looking forward to spending the night with him. My bed seems so empty without him.

OP posts:
Original poster
inthenickoftime · 10/12/2014 23:58

Ive kind of gone into no energy mode. Dreading having to get up with ds in the morning and put a smile on my face. Even if everything works out fine with bf this will have knocked me back so much. I just know that my mood will be so low this weekend. And its already a hard at xmas time. My mother passed away when i was 12 and now in estranged from most of her family who i used to spend my Xmas with. I'm on my own Xmas day since ds is up his dads too so I'm absolutely dreading it. Feel like curling myself up into a ball after our Xmas day on 23rd and not waking up until new year and fingers crossed 2015 will be better than this year.

sorry about the rambling....

OP posts:
Justpickone · 11/12/2014 00:00

It's not stupid. But tonight you can't fix this, so you have to find a way through til morning.

Which involves either sleeping or filling the time without obsessing or going nuts.

My two suggestions are a list of points to make when you do speak and doing the tree even if it needs to be replaced.

Actually I have a third which is talk complete nonsense and try to find something amusing to lighten the obsessive thoughts

Justpickone · 11/12/2014 00:03

Plus the obsessing magnifies throughout the night, I know this, so bear in mins at this hour you can change nothing but your own thoughts:

Yes it's hard and yes it's painful.
How you manage that pain is open in some way, try to get through til morning focusing in DS and how far you have come and speak to DP in the morning.

What else have you done today?

Original poster
inthenickoftime · 11/12/2014 00:03

Wish i had ds's presents here to wrap but they're in my dads. One of my favourite parts of Xmas is wrapping presents with Xmas songs blasting.

i don't think a list will help. I really don't think that there's anything i can say that will change his mind. He either wants to be with me or he doesn't.

OP posts:
Justpickone · 11/12/2014 00:05

Exactly and you cannot influence that decision tonight.

So you need to find another way through tonight.

Enpoid · 11/12/2014 00:06

Also on tenterhooks to hear how the tree is getting on Grin

Original poster
inthenickoftime · 11/12/2014 00:09

Right in desperate for a pee so I'm going to have to face the north pole that is my toilet and will get ob with de-wining and prettyfying my tree. Will try and post a pic once in done.

in the meantime keep the random stories up. I'm sure i will check in soon enough in a rage at the sodding fairy lights!!

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Justpickone · 11/12/2014 00:13

Ok, I'm Olympic distraction standard!

Going to visit my own Baltic bathroom and have a cig and I'll return with comedy gold...

Enpoid · 11/12/2014 00:16

I'm at a friend's house, supposedly watching a film, but in reality being creeped out by her cat. It's watching me.

Original poster
inthenickoftime · 11/12/2014 00:18

Things keep getting worse. During the summer i has started to distance myself from my friends after i realised that they kept making snide remarks to/about me and there was always eye rolling when i was around. so anyway a few weeks ago i saw them all out for a birthday night out and they seemed genuinely happy to see me. I was even invites to a house warming meal. The day of the meal comes and goes and nothing. The day after i got a message saying they thought it was Wednesday and sorry for not getting in touch but meal hadn't happened anyway. All well and food except ive just seen on facebook theyve all checked so happy to be having a girly catch up at the meal.

I'm starting to think there's a reason nobody wants me in their life...

OP posts:
Original poster
inthenickoftime · 11/12/2014 00:19

Ooh don't mention cats! Me and bf joke about a cat that used sit outside t house and stare at me....it has rapey eyes i tell you!!

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Enpoid · 11/12/2014 00:24

I'm starting to think there's a reason nobody wants me in their life...

Nah. Sounds more like your "friends" are being a bit cunty.

The cat has finally gone somewhere else.

Still don't know what's going on in this film though.

Original poster
inthenickoftime · 11/12/2014 00:29

Yeah don't really think they're my friends. Everything changed after ds came along. Didn't fit in with their plans unfortunately.
Anyhooo made it downstairs but cant find any Xmas music on tv.

OP posts:
Justpickone · 11/12/2014 00:32

What other music do you like?

Original poster
inthenickoftime · 11/12/2014 00:40

I like anything and everything. But it feels wrong doing the tree without cheesy Xmas songs.

OP posts:
Enpoid · 11/12/2014 00:53

Ah, cheese.

Enpoid · 11/12/2014 00:56

What's your favourite ornament? I like the ancient tinsel my parents have - it smells of Christmas to me.