Please help

[Sunnydays999]

I'm having coucneling as had a emotionAly abusive childhood . I realised iv no idea how I feel .we worked on that and I realised I felt scared a lot . I never cry yet the last 2 sessions I was in tears . I feel constantly on edge and down and afraid .its scaring me to feel sad as when I was young the sadness lasted forever .im frightened of feeling anything

I used to detach from feeling s with out knowing - now it's all to much I know I need to feel stuff but I'm scared I don't know how to handle it .im sat feeling scared for no reason there is so much change .
When I feel a bit sad I'm petrified il feel as hideously desperate

Can I ask what sort of counselling you are having - the reason I ask is because lots of people who suffered childhood trauma as you did have found that conventional counselling i.e. talking about the things that happened and how it made you feel etc just made them feel worse and I wonder if that's happening to you.

There is a special therapy - well there are 2 I think - one is EMDR (you'll have to google it as I can't remember what it stands for) and the other is Re-Wind therapy. Apparently you don't have to go through all the painful stuff and there are posters on the MH threads who speak really highly of these therapies. I doubt they are available on the NHS but it's worth asking about them.

It's not surprising you detached yourself from feelings when you were a child because as children we have to survive in any way that we can as we have no control over what happens, so detaching or closing down is one way of surviving.

Thank you it will google them - it's just standard therapy you get through gp - it does make sense but I find any feelings difficult sad angry etc I always seem to feel fear on top and it's all jumbled

It could be different in your area, but usually you get counselling through your gp rather than therapy. It might be good to look up private therapists if possible.