Attachment disorder

[Sunnydays999]

Hi it's been suggested I may have attachment disorder - I tend to agree - I'm waiting for therapy but can anyone offer avenues of support .i often feel unsafe and anxious .can u get better from it ?how do u make ur self feel safe

I'm not sure who has suggested this to you, but it's not usually a term used for adults. The term is really child related and is a description of a child who has been severely abused/neglected and has had no real experience of a nurturing parent since his/her earliest hours/days/weeks. These children will "learn" that adults are not to be trusted and so will adapt various unconscious strategies to keep themselves safe in an unsafe household. Even very small babies do this. These children tend to have insecure attachment patterns with their parents, though they do get some attention and nurturing, though it is generally inconsistent which causes confusion for the child.

Children who live in such a chaotic and abusive household and so can't make any adaptations to their behaviour are diagnosed as have an "attachment disorder" and sadly this can cause problems to a greater or lesser extent throughout their lifetime.
A secure attachment is when the child's needs in all respects are met by the parents and he grows up to feel loved and valued by his parents and generally has good self esteem. A secure attachment tends to be a protective factor through the life span.

To be honest I don't think it's helpful for you to think in terms of having an "attachment disorder" - can you give a bit more detail about the way you are feeling and any ideas about why you feel unsafe. Anxiety is a common problem and is really fear - could be fear of the present or future.

It was a psychologist who said it

Do adults not get it ? My child hood was very much as u listed I'm afraid

We all have an attachment style which may lead to difficulties in adult life but when I worked in a MH setting they were named as personality disorders
They largely stemmed from coping strategies used in childhood to manage difficult or abusive situations which became ingrained in the personality
I've never heard of an adult diagnosed with attachment disorder
Did they name your attachment style?

They are more likely to suggest Borderline Personality Disorder in an adult who exhibits the symptoms you mention. Growing up in a messed up childhood can represent itself as this, but some clinicians don't recognise it as such.

I was adopted, then abused, that diagnosis has been raised with me but now they are looking at other things such as bipolar. I would seek a second opinion x

I'm surprised a psychologist talked of you having an "attachment disorder" Sunnydays and so sorry to hear of your traumatic childhood. It isn't something you "get" to be honest, and I'm not so sure how important a specific label is - I think the thing is that adults who have suffered trauma in childhood and may well have had an insecure attachment with their parents or even an attachment disorder will suffer from emotional difficulties in their adult life to a greater or lesser extent.

Incidentally Borderline Personality Disorder has now been re-named as "Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder" - I think the important thing is not the label that's given to your difficulties but how you can be helped/supported. Has the psychologist suggested ways which she/he can help and support you.

Do u think that it was there way of saying I have personality disorder ? As a person I'm quite anxious fear abandonment and can I hate to say it be quite manipulative in getting my needs met.im trying not to do this - but it's hard . Can u be cured or will u always have it ?as in has it become my personality ?

I'm not sure who has suggested this to you, but it's not usually a term used for adults. The term is really child related and is a description of a child who has been severely abused/neglected and has had no real experience of a nurturing parent since his/her earliest hours/days/weeks. These children will "learn" that adults are not to be trusted and so will adapt various unconscious strategies to keep themselves safe in an unsafe household. Even very small babies do this. These children tend to have insecure attachment patterns with their parents, though they do get some attention and nurturing, though it is generally inconsistent which causes confusion for the child.

Children who live in such a chaotic and abusive household and so can't make any adaptations to their behaviour are diagnosed as have an "attachment disorder" and sadly this can cause problems to a greater or lesser extent throughout their lifetime.
A secure attachment is when the child's needs in all respects are met by the parents and he grows up to feel loved and valued by his parents and generally has good self esteem. A secure attachment tends to be a protective factor through the life span.

To be honest I don't think it's helpful for you to think in terms of having an "attachment disorder" - can you give a bit more detail about the way you are feeling and any ideas about why you feel unsafe. Anxiety is a common problem and is really fear - could be fear of the present or future.

"What are the statergies " I wonder if it was meant I had a attachment disorder?
I feel unsafe if I don't know what's going to happen next I like everything organised and planned I hate uncertainty

Thankyou for your help

We all have an attachment style which may lead to difficulties in adult life but when I worked in a MH setting they were named as personality disorders
They largely stemmed from coping strategies used in childhood to manage difficult or abusive situations which became ingrained in the personality
I've never heard of an adult diagnosed with attachment disorder
Did they name your attachment style?

" what sort of diff attachment styles are they ? " how do u get better

I'm not an expert at all, but you seem to have insight into your feelings and behaviour, and I'm sure this places you in an good position to try, maybe with professional guidance, to work through the experiences which have led you to feel and behave as you do, and deal with them in a way which will enable you ultimately to re/gain some sense of security/safety.

I hope you get the support you need.

Iv just looked at some notes and it says fearful avoident style ? Does that make any sense

I don't think it is hugely helpful to call it attachment disorder
Most literature is around adopted children who have lost their first attachment figure (birth mum) and frequently have some sort of attachment disorder to varying degrees
this is a good explanation of attachment disorder
www.fatih.edu.tr/~hugur/Friendly/ADOPTATING%20CHILDREN%20WITH%20ATTACHMENT%20PROBLEMS.PDF
I like the Louise Bomber book 'inside I'm hurting' for a good explanation of attachment styles. It is probably not worth you buying, it is really about fostered/adopted children in school but has a nice explanation. I wonder if a library may get it for you
I think with insight it is possible to make changes to our personalities, we change all the time. In times of stress though we revert back to our emotional state and may go back to less desirable behaviours
The secret is to find other coping strategies which will help

A personality disorder has a specific diagnostic tool that can be used and if a professional thought you had a PD they would use the correct language, and you should have been made aware of an official assessment process and seen a psychiatrist for official diagnosis.

NanaNina, is your description of the type of patient likely to suffer with attachment disorder exhaustive? Don't wish to be interpreted as confrontational but it's upset me rather. DS was diagnosed with this in his early teens. DS has a physical disability but other than that I can only say my husband and I have worked damned hard all his life to ensure he had a stable, nurturing, comforting life.

OP, although still too anxious to actually live away from home, he is attending uni, and grows in confidence with every passing year as well as being much more likely to undertake a new experience or situation.

Actually just ignore me. It upset me so much I ran and looked back through his file. It was separation anxiety of adolescence. Seems I was rather too into the nurturing and stability! My bad.

OP, I wish you luck in dealing with this, I am sure you can overcome it and feel more secure and safe in your life. All the best.

I can only repeat what I said before that it isn't helpful to talk in terms of an "attachment disorder" in an adult, so I'm not sure whether you saw a suitably qualified and registered psychologist as I can't imagine a psychologist using this term for an adult.

You talk of being "cured" but life isn't like that is it - we all carry with us the effects (good or bad) from our childhood into our adulthood and a good therapist will help us to unravel what happened in our past and how that impacts on our life in the present. Hopefully we can them make adjustments to the way we function (with the help of the therapist) so that we have a less stressed life.