No one brings fecking flowers when you have a breakdown, do they?

[nethunsreject]

After keeping a lid on it all, lost it on Saturday and waiting on possible admission. Been ill for ages, no flowers, no cards, no one is running a marathon for us. I am scared and my family are scared.

xxx
this will pass. you will feel better.
hang on in there

I think a lot of people don't know what to do. They don't want to seem that they are sticking their nose in, they might think you don't want reminding (I'm sure you have forgotten!) of that fact you're ill, or that you wouldn't want it acknowledged. Maybe they think you have too much on your plate and won't want to be bothered. I think a lot of it comes down to embarrassment and social awkwardness. I think if you were to say to people you need support or you could use some more practical help around the home etc, they would be happy to.

When my dm had a breakdown, once she got home from hospital, me and my siblings were just left to muddle on with things. We didn't have a clue what to do and none of her friends or family offered to help, at least not to my knowledge. I don't think any of them were being deliberately uncaring, people genuinely do not know how to behave for the best.

Please don't be scared. You're getting help. Your family will survive this, just take it day by day. Of course I don't know your exact situation but as you said you've been ill for ages, it sounds like having the breakdown is getting you the help you need. I think things will only get better now.

Good luck

when my bil had a breakdown the most useful thing for me to do was to ask my sister what she needed

she needed help with the kids, she wanted me to go to the hospital with her to visit him as she hated going there

I wish you were right but I doubt it. I appreciate the virtual flowers though, thank you .
I don't care if people feel awkward. That's their problem. I'm in agony. I need support. It's not there and I am bitter I'm afraid.

Yeah that sounds good, hamster. Good support

What is happening with admission? Do your family/ friends know what's going on? I am thinking of you.

When I told people I was so unwell people were actually surprisingly supportive, and yes I did get some flowers when I was an inpatient. Have you told friends/family what is going on for you? I am sorry you are struggling so much, I hope if you do get admitted it all goes well for you.

for you xx

Thanks, have declined admission, promised not to kill self and I mean it. Bit calmer now. So tired.

I would imagine it isn't "not wanting to" - more of a "it will make more work for NHR - even finding a vase might be too hard for her" or thinking flowers may be too trite? So many people still have NO idea what a breakdown can feel like and how to behave.

Glad you're in a (slightly) better place.

Ah, I sympathise, some of my family is like this, though some are supportive. I think they don't know what to say, but then I think 'hey, give it a go! At least try!'. People bake you a cake or whatever if it's physical but not when it's your head that breaks.

Thanks, yeah I think I'd rather they tried and arsed it up than abandoned me! I'd still appreciate the flowers if they were drying out on the draining board, or the cake going stale. I will be letting people know in a few days when I'm up to texting good friends.