Anyone there

[noexcuseiammental]

I need a hand hold

The voice in my head trying to get me to die is getting louder. I have fought it many times before but it is so loud now.

I keep telling myself about my son and how he needs me, but this is not enough at the moment.

I'm here lovely.

That voice needs to start quietening, I too have heard that voice and it is nothing more than a spiteful thing that makes itself seem seductive - but it truly isn't.

Keep fighting, you've done it before and you will do it now. You're so much stronger! Your son needs you, he needs you for guidance, he needs you in his life.

Is there anything you want to talk about?

Hi Morphinedreams

No, I don't have anything to talk about. The crisis team have been to see me and they still have no reason why my emotions bounce so much.

I am so tired of jumping up and down, and panicking about the slightist thing, I just want it all to end

0845 790 9090 is always there if you need to talk to someone on the phone, until then I'm here.

Sorry cross posts, give me one min and i'll reply x

Ay, sometimes we feel like this don't we. Sometimes it confuses us even more because we don't understand why we feel this way! Can you remember when it started?

It's exhausting, it really is. But you've come so far. Don't give up now. You are so much more than that.

Tell me about your little boy x

He is 2 years old.

His first sentance was mummy cook tea a couple of days ago,

He is so bright and I struggle to conceal my mental health from him

I have emailed the samartains.

I have OCD I can't ring anyone till friday (its a routine thing)

Wow, thats really smart of him! Don't worry about having to conceal anything, he will only remember you as being his mummy, and plus children don't form many memories at this age yet.

I'm sure your very proud of him!

Have you got in touch with a crisis team? You should be able to google 'crisis team + your area' to find a contact number. I wouldn't wait till friday if you're feeling very low. And don't forget, you can always ring 999 if you feel as bad as you are. They are there to help - they've helped me in the past I promise you they helped me so much.

Have you got anyone with you at the moment? x

You there OP?

He is very smart and I am very proud if him and thank you

The crisis team are involved, they have given me a phone number but (big but) I cannot use the phone till Friday

My partner is asleep upstairs.

If I am honest I have no idea if I would go through with it, but I have been here before and that time the only thing that saved me was my partner coming home early

Would you like me to phone them for you? If you PM me your details I am very happy to ring them, whenever you need me to. The offer is always there and I will message you my personal email so you can ask me at any time. Would it be good ringing right now?

Does your partner know how you feel?

If you don't mind me speaking from personal experience, I can honestly say going through with it doesn't help. It really doesn't. Being strong is hard, but it has so many good possibilities. x

No, I think just talking to you has helped. However I will send you the details in the morning if you don't mind. (morning being normal people being awake)

He is well aware of how it is, However, he is part of the problem at the moment (not sure if you can see previous posts)

I don't mind at all, but with all due respect you are talking from someone who survived a suicide attempt. Not from someone who has completed iit

I'm glad I could help you a bit, and of course please do I don't mind at all. I'm going to try to sleep soon but I'll stay awake with you as long as you need me to

Ah I understand, is there any family at all?

Yeah I get you. Let me put it this way though, I'm so glad I carried on. And you will be too. It probably sounds silly and naive to you now, but I promise you, with all my heart that it gets better.I wouldn't have believed it before - but it does. x

MorphineDreams go to sleep, I am going to try and attempt it, if nothing else because I have said I am going to send you informtion

Its best not to get my family involved (the general feeling is what the hell do you have to be depressed about)

I am going to cling to your words.

Try and get your head down for a little while, when I wake up I'll ring the number if you need me to okay?

I'll check my emails as soon as I get up. Try and have some sweetdreams, I promise you things will get better. You're a good un and a fighter so I know you will!!! x

Sweet dreams Morphinedreams xxx