I'm really struggling

[Reallystrugglinginside]

I'm so down. I finding each day harder and harder to fight. I'm exhausted, I'm tired of the struggle, or putting one foot in front of the other.

I am so messed up in my head, I get so confused by my thoughts, they go round and round and get jumbled up. I find myself going through the day and detaching from everything around me. My family deserve so much more than what I can give them.

I keep having suicidal thoughts and SH urges. I need some release. I'm hurting so much. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

I feel worse. Like I've opened the lid on a can of worms.

[Pare]

I'm sorry, I hope you get some of the help you deserve.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

Thank you Pare.

Spoken to GP and we are altering the dosage of my meds to see if that will help.

I feel a little better today. Still emailing the Samaritans which is helping to clarify my thoughts somewhat.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

Been a little better today. Still annoyed that I cut myself yesterday. Nothing i can do about that now though.

[Pare]

No point worrying about yesterday. You have done so well to get help, well done.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

Yes I guess your right. Thank you. I am feeling slightly better today.

[Pare]

Sounds like you are doing really well. Keep going.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

I'm flagging a bit now. Just got to get through tomorrow now.

[Pare]

Get some rest. When I'm really bad I find breaking the day into small chunks helps. So at the moment I tell myself I just have to get through getting up and having a shower. Then I tell myself I just have to get dressed. Then just drive to work etc. This makes it doable, whereas thinking about doing a whole day is terrifying.

[crashbandicoot]

great post ERP. where is it from?

[Reallystrugglinginside]

I do try to break it into chunks. I'm struggling. Im so damn tired.

Relaxing night tonight I think.

[Pare]

You got through today, well done. Try to have a nice evening.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

Yeah I guess ive got through today. So tired.

[Pare]

I know the feeling. You did it though, the day you were dreading. Give yourself a break now.

[Pare]

How are you feeling today?

[Reallystrugglinginside]

I feel dreadful. I've had enough of the hurt. It hurts too much. I just can't do it.

[Pare]

I know. Just try and get through today.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

I can't. It's too much.

[Pare]

Breathe. Focus on that for a while. I'm here.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

It just seems impossible.

[bluebell345]

are you still on citalopram Reallystrugglinginside?

[Reallystrugglinginside]

bluebell345 yes it's just been upped to 40mg, I'm also on Mirtazipine aswell. Do you have any experience of Citalopram?

I'm so tired

[bluebell345]

citalopram made me so tired and depressed at the end. I felt like I was 10 years older.

[Pare]

How is it going today?

[Reallystrugglinginside]

Ive only had it 3 years. Although I am thinking of coming off both AD's because I don't want them anymore.

I'm feeling so down today. I desperately want to cut.