I'm really struggling

[Reallystrugglinginside]

I'm so down. I finding each day harder and harder to fight. I'm exhausted, I'm tired of the struggle, or putting one foot in front of the other.

I am so messed up in my head, I get so confused by my thoughts, they go round and round and get jumbled up. I find myself going through the day and detaching from everything around me. My family deserve so much more than what I can give them.

I keep having suicidal thoughts and SH urges. I need some release. I'm hurting so much. I don't know what to do anymore.

[bluebell345]

really pleased with your good news. :)
it looks like you are on the right path to recovery.

[reallystrugglinginside]

Hi all,

I'm sure no one is interested but I thought I would come back to this and update.

So I talked to my link worker about coming off my meds and I decided to cut them in half, then reduce the last half slowly. I'm not doing too bad, apart from the physical withdrawal symptoms, my mental health has been ok. Not much difference really. Still feeling bad.

My link worker sent off a referral to the assessment team, I had my appointment and they are giving me a CPN for long term support. So it all feels like it's going in an ok direction. I'm in contact with the Samaritans on and off when I'm feeling extremely bad and they help by talking to me.

[Pare]

Sounds like something to talk about with your doctor. Mirtazepine have that side effect, not all do.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

I don't know. I feel like they are making me feel worse I've put on a huge amount of weight and I hate it. My self esteem is so low because of my weight.

[Pare]

I think you do need something though, don't you? Can you ask to change to another one?

[Reallystrugglinginside]

Ive only had it 3 years. Although I am thinking of coming off both AD's because I don't want them anymore.

I'm feeling so down today. I desperately want to cut.

[Pare]

How is it going today?

[bluebell345]

citalopram made me so tired and depressed at the end. I felt like I was 10 years older.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

bluebell345 yes it's just been upped to 40mg, I'm also on Mirtazipine aswell. Do you have any experience of Citalopram?

I'm so tired

[bluebell345]

are you still on citalopram Reallystrugglinginside?

[Reallystrugglinginside]

It just seems impossible.

[Pare]

Breathe. Focus on that for a while. I'm here.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

I can't. It's too much.

[Pare]

I know. Just try and get through today.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

I feel dreadful. I've had enough of the hurt. It hurts too much. I just can't do it.

[Pare]

How are you feeling today?

[Pare]

I know the feeling. You did it though, the day you were dreading. Give yourself a break now.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

Yeah I guess ive got through today. So tired.

[Pare]

You got through today, well done. Try to have a nice evening.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

I do try to break it into chunks. I'm struggling. Im so damn tired.

Relaxing night tonight I think.

[crashbandicoot]

great post ERP. where is it from?

[Pare]

Get some rest. When I'm really bad I find breaking the day into small chunks helps. So at the moment I tell myself I just have to get through getting up and having a shower. Then I tell myself I just have to get dressed. Then just drive to work etc. This makes it doable, whereas thinking about doing a whole day is terrifying.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

I'm flagging a bit now. Just got to get through tomorrow now.

[Pare]

Sounds like you are doing really well. Keep going.

[Reallystrugglinginside]

Yes I guess your right. Thank you. I am feeling slightly better today.