Just need to get it out... last night

[Katkins1]

Last night (well evening) I was getting ready to go out and freaked out a bit. I'd been hearing a voice all day, seeing giant spiders everywhere and just struggling in general. This is a new thing, have mental health issues, but never like this before. Just depression usually. The voice is like ny thoughts, but separate. He tells me all sorts of not very nice things, but most of the time, I can control it. Have heard it for three or four months now, but only just told some one these last few weeks (a friend and my doctor).I have 20 mg Prozac, bit it doesn't seem to be working much. Have been taking for three weeks. Last night, the voice was telling me it didn't like me, no one liked me and that I shouldn't tell any one what it was saying or it would make me suffer more. I told my friend, and it kept saying "what have you done?" And telling me that no one cared and so on.
My friend took me to the out of hours doctor, he was really dismissive and didn't believe me. My friend tried to get a referral for assessment, but he wasn't helpful. I left feeling as though I was making it all up. The voice thought it was great, that he had won and it was just me and him and he's untouchable. He started asking my friend questions when we were in the car;why was she helping me? So we had am odd conversation between me, him and her. It sounds weird written down. Anyway, I'm back at home now. In bed and daughter just woke up after a late night.She's watching TV. I've got a redecorating project to get on with over the weekend, but dint want to get up just yet. So tired and my arms really ache. Sorry, I just unneeded to say all of that.

Thank you. I am writing everything down now - it's taking forever!

You could print out this thread, too?

My printer's broken :/ . I'm going to send it to my friend in the morning I think.

Katkins - I agree you need to see your GP ASAP - I know Mondays are busy but I think you will have to insist on an appointment. Would it help if your friend went with you. Do you mean her DH is a psychiatrist? This sounds a more complex mental health issue than depression and you certainly need to be assessed by your CMHT or similar and probably referral to a psychiatrist.

How old is your DD and do you have anyone to call on if you need to talk, feel scared or even just to sleep - someone who could care for your DD - obviously someone you trust.

I saw your post on the Village thread and Lem's right it is a very supportive thread but there are a lot of people on it, and you seem to be getting good responses on here.

Don't worry about tasks that need doing - your health is more important. Do you have family/friends who would support you. I know you have one very good friend but sometimes we need a few people in whom we can confide when mental illness strikes and scares us.

Yes that's what I meant. Her partner, he can't advise but she asked if she could break my confidence and ask him. He said I need a referral. I thought I could hear fairies signing in the garden earlier. I even looked for them in the sky. I did confide in another friend, who said I shouldn't tell her this, because she can't do anything, only babysit my daughter. She can't help is what she said; I should just get on with it. My daughter is six. I have a couple of people I know, who could look after her in a real crisis. Some do know a bit of what's been going on, but not much. They said to ask if I need anything, but I prefer to go it alone really.

Your friend's DH is right - you need a referral to a psychiatrist to diagnose and treat you. But you will need to see the GP for the referral as I'm sure you know. Please get the apt as soon as you can and tell him/her everything that is going on - the hallucinations and the voices. Many people are scared by mental illness and sadly there is still a huge stigma attached to it, but the friend who wasn't sympathetic did offer to care for your daughter if necessary.

Are you going to bed soon - ah you may already have gone as you posted almost an hour ago. Hope you get a good sleep. Time I went too.

Katkins, I am by no means a professional, but it sounds to me like you are in a state of psychosis. Unfortunately, mental health support can be horrendously hard to obtain. You have to fight hard for it. Go to your gp, tell him or her exactly how it is, word for word, voice for voice, lay it right out there and refuse to leave until they help you. Psychosis happens to most people at some stages in their life, its just that the brain has had too much to cope with. Its certainly managable but not by anti depressants alone. This voice is only a sign that you need proper help now. Fight for it.

How are you today, OP?

I thought that about pyschosis. I've just woken up,Celia. Tip toed past my daughter's room because her and the cat are sleeping :D I'm really thirsty, like migraine thirsty. Another voice appeared last night, a little girl. Her name's Kelsie (I think) and she's four. She's very different to my daughter, in that she has dark hair and green eyes and her voice is different. My daughter is blonde and fair. I asked the little girl what she looks like, and she described herself.Then Bob was telling me to do things to do my Daughter so I really argued with him, swore at him and said I'm her mum. I will never hurt her.
I never will,even though it's scary. I never. Ever will. I absolutely adore her. Bob went away after I told him that. I don't know where to get help, as I'm not really classed as a crisis because when I'm with it, I'm really articulate and that together. I've been accepted on to masters and PHD, and I want to be an academic. I sound so together and insightful in between hearing the voices and so on. I wrote it all down yesterday. My friend said she will read it.

Search online for Mentalhealth.org and read what they say about hearing voices. Hope this helps.

That is helpful, thank you. My friend said her biggest concern was how much control I had over the voices. I identify with this bit :" It is also common for people to hear voices as if they are thoughts entering their mind from somewhere outside themselves. This is not the same as a suddenly inspired idea, which people usually recognise as coming from themselves. These thoughts are not their own and would seem to come from outside their own consciousness, like telepathy." As much as I try to stop them, they do seem to run away with their own ideas and I feel quite powerless. I've done lots of cleaning and stuff today, need to hoover, get in the bath and then go to the shops. Then there's the lawn, and a huge pile of ironing with my name on it. I had a weird moment where I was hanging out the washing, saw my reflection in the window and was totally removed from myself. I can only hear things if I start thinking about them today, so far. This sounds odd: each voice has a different 'space' in my head. So, Bob will be on the left, and I can hear him there, then Kelsie in the middle (somewhere darker) and Brian on the right. I can 'see' them there: I know it sounds strange! I will have a quick look at the info as I'm drinking coffee before I carry on cleaning.

Katkins I think you need to slow down - it sounds like you are in a manic phase and again I'm no medic, but you do seem to be out of touch with reality, which does suggest you are having some kind of psychotic episode. The trouble is with this illness, people don't always realise how ill they really are and how much they need the right diagnosis and treatment.

You are clearly a very intelligent person but that doesn't protect you from having a mental illness. There is a psychiatrist on here who has bipolar but it is well controlled with drugs.

You need to see the GP tomorrow and tell him/her what is happening. Can you come back and tell us that you will do this, or contact your friend to make the appointment and go with you.

My friend has just messaged me. I wrote it all down, she was worried because I said my arms hfekt as though they were on fire. Earlier I thought the cat was talking to me, then communicating to me telepathically. It was saying that she was hungry. I went to the shops and I could barely focus. Was looking for spiders. Then I had to stop my daughter crossing the road as a car was coming twice, and one of the voices (Bob) said that he was going to kill her and I shouldn't try to stop him. My friend thinks I need to go to accident and emergency. My mind has been telling me that I'm not I'll, that I'm perfectly fine, then when I come round again I know that I'm ill. My daughter was bouncing around on the carpet and fir a moment, she turned into a beetle.

Why not get a friend to take you to A+E and give them a print out of everything you have typed in this thread (spiders, multiple voices, suicidal thoughts, thoughts of hurting other people) - I know it sounds scary but the more information you give a medical person the easier it will be for them to offer appropriate support.

Or could you ask someone to stay with you until Monday and can see your own dr?

Katkins you need rl help and urgently. The situation is dangerous for you and your daughter. I agree with SilverStars, get someone to look after your daughter and ask your friend to take you to A&E. You need to see a psychiatrist asap. Take what you've written down, make sure you've got everything on there. Insist that they help you.

I am at my friends now, I feel a bit better. We are deciding what to do in a bit, because I can't decide.

Hi OP

The following links might help you:

www.hearing-voices.org
www.sane.org.uk
www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Good luck and all the best
DR

I hope you can get the Drs to take you seriously OP. It sounds terrifying and brings back memories of my own psychotic period. I didn't have problems getting Drs to listen and I ended up having to go in as an inpatient for a few months while they sorted me out some meds and therapy. Anti psychotic meds are very effective but need a consultant to prescribe. Prozac won't really help, especially at 20mg which isn't a big dose.

I fear that part of the issue with you is that you're managing to cope so well so the medical staff are minimising your problems as all they see is someone who can study well, do housework, care for a young child. I admit that my skills in those areas certainly failed when my MH was at its worst, so it demanded a high level of crisis intervention and there was no scepticism about my issues. I hope your friend can manage to advocate for you.

If you are very honest you will get help. If you do not tell them everything you may find it takes longer to get appropriate treatment - say I from my own experience.

Glad to hear you are with your friend. You need urgent mental health assessment and I know you love your DD but she isn't safe at the moment. Hopefully your friend will sort something out and make sure both you and your little girl are safe.

Have you managed to get your friend to take you to the hospital Katkins?

I'm staying at hers tonight. Little one too.

I think your friend will know how best to help you and get you the help you need Katkins

Staying with friend sounds a good idea. Hope it helps.

Thank you. And thank you for all of your help. I was just stabbings kitchen telling my friend the radiator was singing like it was the most normal thing in the world. It has taken some of the comments here to help me see that what I'm experiencing is really serious, and that taking my daughter outside when I was hallucinating was the wrong thing to do.