My dc deserve better

[Frustratedlady]

They deserve better than this shell of a mother.
They deserve better than someone who is dependant on cannabis.
They deserve someone without scizoaffective.
They deserve a mum who can go to mum and baby groups and enjoy them.
They deserve a mum who can go to the park.
They deserve a mum who doesn't hear voices telling her to do sexually degrading things in order to punish abusive men. Or telling her she should use ampethamine.
They deserve better than me.

Sweetheart, they need you. You are their mum and despite have a shitty illness that you did nothing to deserve, you are being the best mum you can be for them. Please don't beat yourself up for what you should or shouldn't be doing, no one else knows what it is like being in your shoes tight now. Focus on what you can do for them. If that is feed and clothe them and put cbeebies on today then that is ok.

Are you getting good help at the moment, do your care team know how much you are suffering? Please try to be kind to yourself today. X

I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. I plan on telling him then. I just feel so useless and worthless.