Coming to terms with an extremely dark past...how?

[superstarheartbreaker]

I'm hoping that I can through therapy and emdr. I live in fear that my mental health will bite me on the arse again. It has been pretty bad so far.

I would say the fact that you've started down the road of having therapy is maybe a big chunk of coming to terms with something, even though it drags up stuff from the depths that you'd rather not think about.

You're really looking for what techniques would work for you to help you live with it, and that might take a little time, but the main thing is to not give up if one thing doesn't 'work', the answer will be there somewhere.

What kind of mental health issues have you had in the past?

Abuse related. I am obsessed wih googling about abusive relationship s. I think that this is an attempt to forhive mtself hor staying with my abuser fof so lonv and allowing him to destroy part of me. I guess intellectually I know its hard to leave an abuser. Emotionally I cannot fathom it.

Also I think I have bpd and ptsd as a result of abuse.

Also I think I have bpd and ptsd as a result of abuse.

But you left your abuser

You did the hardest thing there is to do, that has to count for something.

The responsibility for what he did lies solely with him. You didn't deserve or ask for it, he made it so you didn't feel it was possible to leave, but you overcame that and left anyway, that's fucking amazing!

Well I didn't strictly leave him as so much as we fell apart as I was too ill to carry on. I was completely brainwashed and it makes me cringe. I'm supposed to be intelligent fgs. I don't get how I let him manipulate me so much.

I am proud of the fact that when he phoned up 5 years later to apologise for what he did to me and did I want to meet up with him again I told him to bog off and that he should apologise to my parents for inflicting so much damage on me!

at telling him to bog off.

Do you think he was trying to genuinely apologise for what he did, or was it something he did only for himself or to try and draw you in again?

I think he was genuinely sorry but he was also trying to draw me in again. Fail...ha!

I think it was also for himself as he kept lamenting the fact that he'd just lost his wife. 12 steps or something. Anyway I'm glad he came crawling so I could go...er no. They always do!