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Mental health

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Original poster

help please, so overwhelmed...pnd?

53 replies

TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 15:12

My 6 month old ds is crying upstairs. He is getting so distressed and I can't help him, even though I feel so horribly guilty and sad. I just don't have it in me to comfort him when I feel so crap myself. I feel like shaking him when he cries and cries, so i leave him in his cot and just come downstaris and thing about what a bad mother i am. Why can't I help him? I have a 2 1/2 year dd who i was so much nicer to. i would never let her cry like this.

I feel so hopeless, like my life is over. i have not a econd to myself all day and i can't go anywhere/do anything as ds wants to bf all dy and night. things with dh are a real struggle as we are both tired and angry.

ds not sleeping through - never has.

everything is just getting on top of me, and little things pile up and overwhelm me - things which would not normally upset me. today it was dd whinging, a delivery came and it was not what i ordered, ds crying, the house beig a mess...see, its nothing big, but why can't i cope?

so do i ave pnd?
And if so, what do I do?

I really need some encouragement...this is not the mum i want to be.

OP posts:

belgo · 25/08/2006 15:20

You've done the right thing by posting a message. Is there anyone you can phone right now to come and help you? You sound desperate.

laneydaye · 25/08/2006 15:23

hang on in there love.... i dont know much what to say only it does get easier and we get better at dealing with stuff.... keep breathing and like belgo says cant you get someone to come round..... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
it will be ok..xx

Original poster

TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 15:26

Thanks, hes gone to sleep now. Thanks for saying i did the right thing to post...i been meaning to for ages but keep thinking i must surely be over reacting.

Theres nobody i would ask to come over as i only recently moved here.

OP posts:

belgo · 25/08/2006 15:26

I wish I could come round there right now to help! I have two children and have felt similar. Things do get better, but you do need some one to supprt you. It does sound like pnd, can you go to your GP?

JessaJam · 25/08/2006 15:28

There are times when putting the baby somewhere safe and leaving him/her to it may be the best option.

I had to do it with ds a few times (most of the time I went back in and he had fallen asleep!) because he was cryinga n dcrying and nothing i did helped at all and it went on and on and i was tired and hormonal and the house was a tip and i had no friends and and and...

CheesyFeet · 25/08/2006 15:29

Your ds won't come to any harm being left to cry for a while. Many many babies (including mine) have been left when it all gets too much.

Is he sucking for comfort? Would you consider a dummy? I gave dd one and it was my saviour, although I know a lot of people don't like them so it may not be the answer for you.

Will he sleep in a buggy? Can you get someone to take him out for a walk for an hour so you can have a soak in the bath or a nap?

It could be PND... speak to your Health Visitor or GP. PND is nothing to be ashamed of btw. Loads of people on here have had it or have it now. There's plenty of support. Keep talking on here too.

JessaJam · 25/08/2006 15:29

TheGuzzler where are you? there may be a Mner who could pop round if you need a shoulder or an extra pair of hands...?

Original poster

TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 15:29

um, don't properly understand the gp system in this country, but as i understand it i have to just see whoever i'm given? don't feel very comfortable doing that, but maybe i should anyway. But wont they just give me ADs? Actually, i'm more scared hey will think i am either a terrible, terrible mum, or a hypercondriac (sp?)

OP posts:

1Baby1Bump · 25/08/2006 15:29

if you feel like that it would be best to leave him a minute until feel a bit calmer.
i am currently 38 weeks preg with a 1 year old too and yesterday his constant whining pushed me to the edge.
he ended up sat in his cot screaming while i called dh for a 5 minute chat to calm down a bit. i was in floods of tears.
i had pnd following ds' birth and it is a scary place. im no expert, but if you feel like shaking him i would say it is pnd. i felt like shaking mine and sometimes i could feel myself handling him a little too roughly.
go to the docs. they usually have a questionnaire thing for you to fill in which tells them, by calculating a 'score' if you are depressed or not and if so, how badly.
when i went to see my hv i burst into tears so she took me there and then in to see doc one day during baby clinic.
i felt much better once i knew it was normal and i had told someone.
hth a bit. x

CarolinaMoon · 25/08/2006 15:31

can you get your HV to come round and assess you at home, to save you getting out to the surgery?

will your dd be going to preschool or anything in september, so you've got some time just with the baby?

JessaJam · 25/08/2006 15:32

You can ask to see a specific Dr, but you may have to wait for longer to see them (does that make sense?) So the next available appointment coudl be with Dr X, but if you want Dr Y, you can ask for them, but the next avaialble appointment with Dr Y may not be until next week or whenever.

Original poster

TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 15:32

i'm in derby.
i have made some friends here...i guess i could call but would feel an ass...mostly because i am usually very upbeat and although i don't pretend everything is great, they would feel very surprised that i am this bad. i'd feel a fraud.

OP posts:

giraffemad · 25/08/2006 15:32

Hi I felt exactly the same as you when my ds was about the same age! My dd was 3 1/2 when he was born and she was so fed up of me yelling all the time as if it was her fault! I trained for 2 yrs to be a nursery nurse/ nanny and worked happily with other children for years. When I went to the doctors he prescribed low dose anti depressants and counselling sessions. The combination of both really helped me, you don't need to feel bad, others have experienced feeling like this aswell. Once you begin to work it through, take things hour by hour, and realise you haven't actually had a bad day, maybe even for 10 mins one day you've smiled or noticed your ds has done something new, work up each day and focus on all the positive things you've acheived, when your dh comes home from work and asks about your day only remember the good bits!! I'm sure you can do this if you really try

1Baby1Bump · 25/08/2006 15:33

i am bound to get it this time too so u are def not alone if doc says u are suffering from it!
any doc would be fine. just get some help so u will feel better and stop beating yourself up. its not your fault, youre not a bad mummy!

CarolinaMoon · 25/08/2006 15:34

I think most surgeries will let you ask for a particular doctor - there may be a longer wait for some rather than others though.

I suggested asking your HV because a friend of mine was assessed for PND at home by her HV.

I think they may be able to offer some counselling as well as/instead of ADs.

Can you afford to get any regular help around the house? Or a morning at nursery or a childminder for one or both of the children?

belgo · 25/08/2006 15:34

I remember putting both my children into the double buggy and just walking for miles when their crying got too much. Or I would stand in the bathroom betwwen the two bedrooms where they would both be crying. There just didnt seem anything else to do. Talking to someone really helps.

JessaJam · 25/08/2006 15:35

I know what you mean, about feeling strange calling on friends when you are not feeling yourself. But taht is just the time you need them the most. Call someone, ask if they fancy popping round for a cup of tea and a sanity check...they can hold your baby and wave interesting things at him while you have a bit of a break.

colette · 25/08/2006 15:35

Theguzzler - the little things that are piling up and overwhelming you are big when you are not getting enough sleep day after day, and are not getting any time off from looking after 2 little ones.
If you can manage it try and get out for a little while , they will probably be better behaved after and it helps me if I am feeling a bit down. Waht about "homestart" Hope you get some more advice. Keep posting

Original poster

TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 15:37

i have put dd in nursery one morning a week, but i feel so guilty about it as she is not settling well and is so jealous and needy at the moment too. They both just need me so much, and i feel so huilty that i can't give them what they need.

thank you all for helping me. i'm sitting here sobbing, but at least am not sitting alone sobbing.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 15:38

guilty

OP posts:

JessaJam · 25/08/2006 15:41

Agree with suggestiosn to pop children in puchchair(s) and head off up the road for walk. Change of scenery really helps. Just wander about if there isn't anywhere to aim for like a park. Ds will hopefully be soothed by the movement of the buggy and gets to see whats outside, and you can spend the time talking to your dd about what you are walking past (even if it's just "oh look that front door is red isn't it!)

belgo · 25/08/2006 15:42

Please don't feel guilty, your children will be fine. You sound like a very caring mum, and they will know this.

CheesyFeet · 25/08/2006 15:44

Go and see your GP. No-one will think you are a hypochondriac or going mental. PND is really common and easily treatable. I've been on AD's for 18 months and am now able to juggle all my responsibilities much more easily. Talking is great, whether to a counsellor or to a bunch of strangers on the internet .

It isn't just you. It's me as well and loads of others.

Have you thought of maybe upping your dd's attendance at nursery? One morning a week leaves a long time between sessions. She may settle in more quickly if she's there more often. Nursery is good for her, it will help her be more sociable and school won't be such a shock when the time comes. Don't feel guilty, you're doing the best thing for her.

Am I right in thinking you aren't originally from the UK?

Original poster

TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 15:46

yes, I'm not from the uk
perhaps will consider another morning at nursery

OP posts:

sallyrosie · 25/08/2006 15:46

God, you sound like me just over two years ago - my aim for each and every day was to get through it without me or dd crying...
It will get better. Phone your GP, phone your health visitor - supporting you through this is their job. Don't worry too much about antidepressants - for one, you might not need them, but they can be really really helpful at just lifting you out of the hole a bit. I didn't ask for help, and looking back I wish to god I had.
Make sure you take time for yourself while baby is asleep if you can and have a rest.
You aren't alone. Thinking of you.

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