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Original poster

help please, so overwhelmed...pnd?

53 replies

TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 15:12

My 6 month old ds is crying upstairs. He is getting so distressed and I can't help him, even though I feel so horribly guilty and sad. I just don't have it in me to comfort him when I feel so crap myself. I feel like shaking him when he cries and cries, so i leave him in his cot and just come downstaris and thing about what a bad mother i am. Why can't I help him? I have a 2 1/2 year dd who i was so much nicer to. i would never let her cry like this.

I feel so hopeless, like my life is over. i have not a econd to myself all day and i can't go anywhere/do anything as ds wants to bf all dy and night. things with dh are a real struggle as we are both tired and angry.

ds not sleeping through - never has.

everything is just getting on top of me, and little things pile up and overwhelm me - things which would not normally upset me. today it was dd whinging, a delivery came and it was not what i ordered, ds crying, the house beig a mess...see, its nothing big, but why can't i cope?

so do i ave pnd?
And if so, what do I do?

I really need some encouragement...this is not the mum i want to be.

OP posts:
belgo · 25/08/2006 15:47

Can you join some sort of mothers group/playgroup? Your GP/HV should know of one. Being with other mothers has helped me.

Original poster
TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 15:47

can you tak ADs whilst bfing?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 15:48

I actually thought the HV was just for the baby?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 15:51

Thanks Belgo - i do go to a mother and toddler group, but whe i am out i usually feel so much better and i don't say to people, 'hey, i feel completely hopeless and out of control', so it would be hard to talk to them about it. Guess I'm afraid they wont believe me as I am normally 'fine' IYSWIM.

OP posts:
CarolinaMoon · 25/08/2006 15:52

she's for you too, at least in your mum role iykwim. She should be happy to speak to you about how you're feeling atm.

CheesyFeet · 25/08/2006 15:53

HV's are for you and the baby.

You can take AD's while breastfeeding, I'm not an expert on this but there are people on this board that are. Someone else will be able to help with regard to which types are OK.

belgo · 25/08/2006 15:56

You'd be surprised at how many other mothers feel the same way, they just don't want to admit it. I know I didn't want to admit it, I still don't, I still feel guity, although I know I shouldn't

Original poster
TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 15:56

Thanks everyone.
I'm going to go and do some chores now, as the state of the house is getting me down too. Am feeling a little less hysterical.
Thanks for your replies, please keep them coming as I am encouraged by you all.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 15:58

oh no. ds just woke up again.

OP posts:
belgo · 25/08/2006 15:59

Sit at the computer with him in one arm, and carry on chatting if you need to

footprint · 25/08/2006 16:04

TheGuzzler - how long have you lived in the UK? I just ask because I know it is SO HARD having a baby away from home. (My dd was born in Portugal and now we live in Switzerland.) I got VERY depressed and homesick.

Your HV can help, even just telling her will help, get it out in the open.

you are not alone.

Original poster
TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 16:05

ah, i 'shushed'him through the monitor and he is asleep for now. will do some jobs as always feel better to get something done rather than think about al that i should have done today.

thanks belgo for chatting.
x

OP posts:
Original poster
TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 16:06

foot, thanks. have been here 9 months now

OP posts:
belgo · 25/08/2006 16:08

I'm also in a 'foreign ' country, you can guess which one by my name.

laneydaye · 25/08/2006 16:43

hia, how are you now.... hope you are ok... big hugxxxxx

sallyrosie · 25/08/2006 16:46

Don't run yourself into the ground trying to have a perfectly tidy house - make sure you're resting enough too.
Looking after mums DEFINITELY part of HV job.
Know what you mean about talking to people at toddler groupse etc - everyone else always seems to be just perfect and coping fine, it used to make me feel worse not better by comparing myself to them.

Original poster
TheGuzzler · 25/08/2006 18:59

i'm ok now, thanks. Feeling more calm. Helps to have DH home now. Think I will call HV on monday if i'm brave.

OP posts:
belgo · 25/08/2006 20:34

Glad you're feeling calmer. Your Dh can help a lot, but it can also be a lot for him to cope with. Stay brave and contact your HV on monday. Realising what the problem is is the first stage in solving it. You've coped really well today.

sallyrosie · 26/08/2006 21:19

Hope you're feeling okay today! I used to find weekends lovely (dh around) but dread the start of the week cos then I'd be alone with the baby again. Make a plan to speak to your HV or GP or ideally both on Tuesday. Take care. Hopefully just finding out that loads of people feel like this has helped a bit

laneydaye · 27/08/2006 10:08

morning theguzzler..... how are you today?

Original poster
TheGuzzler · 27/08/2006 20:43

Hi Laney and Sally, thanks for checking on me

I'm feeling fine now, makes such a difference having dh here. I also got him to read this thread and he was really shocked at how upset I was, even though have been telling him, he just hadn't clicked IFYSWIM. That helped.

Have always thought that the fact that I am ok one day and dreadful the next meant it couldn't be pnd, but now am thinking that maybe pnd is causing me to be so up and down. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
sallyrosie · 27/08/2006 20:54

Having mood swings like that (fine one minute, floods of tears the next) were what I was like. I thought the same - can't be PND as I'm 'coping'.
I think it probably was because I remember getting to when dd was about 14 months old and suddenly realising that I felt like myself again.
Get some advice from GP/HV - even if only so that you can go back in a couple of weeks and tell them that you feel better/worse - you'll have made that initial contact.

belgo · 28/08/2006 07:24

Hope you get on ok phoning the health visitor today, let me know

longwaytogo · 28/08/2006 08:05

theguzzler I don't think you will have any luck today with hv its bank holiday and they not usually around.

I just wanted to add that I too have been where you are and although I didn't move from another country I had just moved away from all family and friends when I found out I was pregnant with mine. I have to say my hv were brilliant, they sorted out gp appointment, rang me once a week and even now 2yr on I know they are there if I want to moan, scream, cry at them. Hope that helps hun. wish I was closer to you to help out.

Judy1234 · 28/08/2006 09:17

Putting the baby in its cot safely and leaving the room when the crying is too much is the what most mothers do. I certainly did when ours got too much, particularly when we had three under 4s. It's very hard. The only thing that saved me was going back to full time work soon after the births to be honest. There is no way I could have ever been a full time mother. It was such a relief to be able to take coffee breaks when I liked, have a lunch without interruptions etc. I know full time work is not what a lot of parents male and female want, but it was the only way I could deal with small children who cried a lot of the time. It also helped balance the relationship with my ex husband too so we both had our work and both had childcare responsibilities when we were home so both understood the other's pressures.