Tomorrow I'm going to end my life I've been planning it all week. Everyone has said how much better I'm looking and doing, but the calm is all down to me knowing there's an end point where I don't have to go beyond.
I have a plan and a back up plan in case it goes wrong.
This post is incredibly self indulgent, but no one knows and I suppose I needed to put it down somewhere.
It's pointless saying to contact MH services and so on, as I don't actually want to be stopped and besides, you say anything and they don't take it seriously anyway. You can't really mean it if you're telling them.
I've made sure everything is in order. No one suspects a thing. My head's not clouded with pills and for the first time in a long time, everything is clear and calm. I'm just totally at peace with the whole thing.
I've written very clear notes and instructions to everyone who matters or needs them. While there's no way of making it better, I can make it easier.
There's not really much else to say really, is there. The world is not a bad place, I just don't have the energy to do it anymore.